Am I being unreasonable? What should I do?

[kellogs100]

My partner gave my brother a job in our restaurant. It was meant to only be for a couple of weeks and we said that if he finished very late and had an early start the next day he could stay over as it would take him half an hour to get home.

My brother has stayed on however and works every weekend & has taken it that he can stay over no matter what time he finishes which is generally very early at the moment. He always has late starts too at 11.30am.

I have a baby who is almost 6 months and going through teething, I'm pregnant again and have terrible sickness and I'm finding it hard to cope. I'm expected to get food for my bro, tidy up after him and make his bed. I just don't need this. With a young family I need my space.

I don't like to upset people though and I don't know what to say to him. My partner really needs him to work downstairs so we don't want him to quit! However a half an hour drive home is what many people do each day. I don't think it's unreasonable.

It really stressed me out for the 3 days he's here because we aren't close either. I have an op next week and asked my partner if we could ask him to go home for that weekend but he said no.

What should I do?

[madboutcats]

I think you need to be honest with him, sit him down and tell him how you feel about him being there, that you've got this operation on the cards and that you are finding it hard having him around, hopefully he will take it all on board and not cause you any trouble,..and no you are not being unreasonable, hope things go ok with you and i hope this gives you some help.

[fizzyBee]

You aren't being unreasonable. I think that family can sometimes just tend to take advantage. Perhaps your home is better than his?

Most people wouldn't have anyone to stay while their child is teething as its a tough time, let alone if they'd been in hospital. I think you need to try to explain to him that it's hard work and not ideal having him stay unless he REALLY needs to. You have your own children to look after.

Half an hour is really nothing to travel. I used to do 45mins to an hour twice a day to go to work. Also most people either have to pay for their food or bring a packed lunch. It sounds like he's got it quite easy at yours and thats probably your problem.

I hope you can work it out.

[yogasun]

I agree with madaboutcats and fizzyBee.
You are not being at all unreasonable, very tolerant in my eyes. Being pregnant and having a teething baby and about to have an op are reasons just on their own not to have the hassle that you have, half an hour is no distance to travel.
Good luck.

[kellogs100]

Thank you all for your suggestions. I was really worried I was just being selfish.

I've tried telling him that my baby is teething and ill as he has a cold and suggesting that he goes home in the evenings but he has stayed anyway.

I've talked to my mum who said she will try to encourage him to go home in the evenings or at least to stay with his friends who live near by. I don't know how it will go though. It's like he's totally oblivious to the fact he might be hard work to have around.

[Whoever]

Time for some honesty I think. You're not being at all unreasonable, but I think your partner is. Tell your brother you're tired, unwell, exhausted and that you are not substitute for his mother. Give him a week to make other arrangements and tell him that for the remainder of the week he really has to start pulling his weight. Your partner sounds a little weak on this matter. Surely he can see how exhausted you are? His prime obligations are to you and your health. And if your brother has transport, a 30 minute drive on the roads late at night will be a piece of cake as they'll be pretty empty.

[Whoever]

Forgot to add - use your tiredness, and inability to sleep properly as an excuse to move into the spare room where your brother is currently sleeping. That should cure the issue

[Tups]

Perhaps you should go and stay with your mum for a while and let her look after you (if you have that kind of relationship?) and let your partner and brother cope without you. It might make your mum come on a bit stronger with your brother too. I would be very upset indeed if I was being treated the way you are being treated. Your only fault is that you are too kind-hearted. I think it should be your partner, telling him you are having a hard time and sending him home. Don't be walked over. Being a new mum is hard enough, without all these extra stresses.