ChatterBank1 min ago
Estranged friend - What would you do??
22 Answers
Hi All,
I'll try to keep this as short as possible. Basically, I had been best friends with someone since the age of 12, we were pretty much inseparable, we're now 22. Back in 2006, for no reason at all, she stopped replying to texts or answering calls. Eventually I gave up trying to contact her and ended up not hearing from her again until June this year.
I asked her why she had done it and told her that I was very hurt by it and she told me she was very sorry and that she had simply 'got lazy', although she'd kept in touch with her other friends.
I was grateful that she had got back in touch and apologised, so I accepted the apology. I've had a pretty bad year and have been going through a really rough time, so it angered me that after her apology, the only time she got in touch was to tell me how wonderful her life was. She'd met a guy and after 6 months of knowing him is now getting married this month and every text was about how happy she was, though she knew I had just gone through a bad break up.
I've stopped replying to her now, and as yet haven't had an invite to the wedding. I suppose what I'm asking is, if this had happened to you, would you forgive and forget? Could you?
Of course I want my friend back but I'm finding it hard to forgive her. Surely if she can do it once, she can do it again?
Sorry its so long! Your thoughts are more than welcome!
I'll try to keep this as short as possible. Basically, I had been best friends with someone since the age of 12, we were pretty much inseparable, we're now 22. Back in 2006, for no reason at all, she stopped replying to texts or answering calls. Eventually I gave up trying to contact her and ended up not hearing from her again until June this year.
I asked her why she had done it and told her that I was very hurt by it and she told me she was very sorry and that she had simply 'got lazy', although she'd kept in touch with her other friends.
I was grateful that she had got back in touch and apologised, so I accepted the apology. I've had a pretty bad year and have been going through a really rough time, so it angered me that after her apology, the only time she got in touch was to tell me how wonderful her life was. She'd met a guy and after 6 months of knowing him is now getting married this month and every text was about how happy she was, though she knew I had just gone through a bad break up.
I've stopped replying to her now, and as yet haven't had an invite to the wedding. I suppose what I'm asking is, if this had happened to you, would you forgive and forget? Could you?
Of course I want my friend back but I'm finding it hard to forgive her. Surely if she can do it once, she can do it again?
Sorry its so long! Your thoughts are more than welcome!
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Same thing happened with my friend and me. Every so often, when she's doing well, she contacts me to tell me so - and that's the only time I hear from her unless I bump into her in town. It's been five years this time.
I don't mind a bit. When we were teenagers she was a good friend to me when no-one else thought I was worth bothering with. She had problems of her own then and she's had plenty since, but we've always worked to the maxim 'you know where I am if you need me'. She's famously bad at not keeping in touch or telling me when events are happening, but that's her and I love her for it.
My very best friend - my cousin, in fact - lives 8000 miles away in the USA. I haven't seen him for three years. He has mental health issues that often make it impossible for him to rouse himself to write or phone me. Things happen to him that I only learn about through his mother. He doesn't get around to telling me for months and it frustrates me that I'm not able to support him when he needs it most. But again, that's him. Just knowing he exists and doesn't mean anything nasty by his apparent 'selfishness' is enough. What he values is that I don't mind his behaviour and can be a constant in his life at the times when everyone else gives up on him.
Maybe, indieanna, that's why your friend comes to you like this. Maybe she feels that whatever stupid, annoying thing she does, you will still love her. And isn't that what true friendship is about?
I don't mind a bit. When we were teenagers she was a good friend to me when no-one else thought I was worth bothering with. She had problems of her own then and she's had plenty since, but we've always worked to the maxim 'you know where I am if you need me'. She's famously bad at not keeping in touch or telling me when events are happening, but that's her and I love her for it.
My very best friend - my cousin, in fact - lives 8000 miles away in the USA. I haven't seen him for three years. He has mental health issues that often make it impossible for him to rouse himself to write or phone me. Things happen to him that I only learn about through his mother. He doesn't get around to telling me for months and it frustrates me that I'm not able to support him when he needs it most. But again, that's him. Just knowing he exists and doesn't mean anything nasty by his apparent 'selfishness' is enough. What he values is that I don't mind his behaviour and can be a constant in his life at the times when everyone else gives up on him.
Maybe, indieanna, that's why your friend comes to you like this. Maybe she feels that whatever stupid, annoying thing she does, you will still love her. And isn't that what true friendship is about?
I think your friend has been really thoughtless. It's no wonder you are upset. I had a similar thing when my friend only contacted me to tell me of her pay rises, amazing job and social life in London. At the time I couldn't walk or stand, was unable to work and had no life at all. She showed me no sympathy or empathy. We used to be best mates and although we do still write, she is not in my life anymore. She lives abroad so I don't see her anyway, but I don't particularly feel like seeing her. I think you have to move on. This friend is really selfish and I am sure you have better mates, or have mates that you have yet to meet!
