Problems with daughter

[lil123]

Hi. I am currently having problems with my 18 year old daughter.
She keeps going out and getting drunk then bringing random men back to the house she has met whilst clubbing.
I have had it out with her several times but this week alone she has done it 3 times.
I have a small small son who I don't want subjected to this.
She sneaks them in and tries to get out of it everytime.
I am on the verge of kicking her out as she only gives me �30 a week to live here and that doesn't cover half the food she eats.
I am going to lock her out everytime she goes out in future.
She is putting me under enormous stress as I work hard for me and my son and don't want her bringing this to our home.
HELP !!!

[zzxxee]

give her an altimatum one more chance and shes out and i really mean pack her bags and tell her to go this is no goodfor your little boy.however on the otherhand is something bothering her can you talk to her? get things out in the open if not tough love is the only option

[lil123]

My daughter has low self esteem but since she started a new job she seemed to be doing ok but now she has started doing this.
I can talk to her about anything but she doesn't seem to understand the implications of what she is doing

[madmaggot]

Sit her down and talk quietly to her, don't get drawn into a screaming match. You sound as if you're at the end of your tether with her and that's really not the best time to be discussing things. She seems from what you say to have very little respect for herself or for you and her brother; why is this? If discussing it doesn't work I would take her key off her, she can't sneak in then as you would have to let her in each time she comes back. Are you prepared to do that though as it will inconvience you?

[lil75]

I dont know from your post wether she is sleeping with them or not, but I would get some leaflets on all the nasty viruses that you can catch and leave them on her bed for her to read...I would not tolerate different men being brought to the family home and I would say to her that if she plans on spending the night with someone, she will have to do it elsewhere as you will not welcome her behaviour in your home....it must be a real worry for you, and im sorry to hear that, just make lay down the rules and make it clear that if she brings another man back, you will show her up in front of them, so to speak..she wont like the thought of that! Best of luck Lil x

[Velvetee]

Maybe try to convince her that she needs to gain some independence and some space, without making her feel you want her out.

Suggest she finds a flat share with a group of friends. Whilst you will always worry about her and what she is doing, you and your son shouldn't have to live in your home, with your adult daughter treating it as a knocking shop.

Perhaps when she has to fend for herself completely, she will start appreciating what she had with you in your home.

[lil123]

Yes I'm going to do that Lil 75 as I don't know if she is or not. I suspect she is. I will pick some leaflets up and talk with her.
I am also going to lock her out as I feel it will be the only way to stop it

[zzxxee]

i would also put her rent up and lay the house rules down , if she doesnt like it then she will have to move out, if not i would suggest talking to her dad is he around?

[lil75]

Thats a horrible thing to have to do, but I would tell her that you love her explain your reasons for doing what your going to do, then the rest is down to her....x

[Velvetee]

Perhaps also confront these men she brings home and tell them they are not welcome in YOUR house at that hour. She will probably feel embarassed and shown up, so may think again.

[sam100]

Doesnt sound like she REALLY has low self esteme if she can manage to find all these different boys to bring home!..unless shes working as a prostitute.

She's blatantly taking the mickey out of you. When i was living at home as a teenager ther rules were no boys bought 'home', home by midnight during the week as to not disturb other people who had to be up early and to be made to pay a fair amount of rent and do a share of the housework...which is all fair do's.

An ultimatum s needed and then out on her arse is the only thing that will sort her out as she seems to be running riot.

[Sgt.Rock]

Over sixty quids worth of food a week and she still manages to pull men. Must the the sort who like big girls?

[HereToHelpx]

i think you need to sit your daughter down and tell her how this is effecting you and your younger son. Tell her you feel you are recieving no respect of her what so ever and you do not agree with what she is doing. You should then give her one last chance. If she does not change after that, i do not think she ever will.

[andy-hughes]

Apart from the inveitable 'humourous' response to what must be a difficult situation, I think you have had some very sound advice here.

Your daughter needs to understand that this is your - and her - home, and there are certainbasic rules which apply to the people who live there. If she can;t abide by them, she must find her own place, and she can behave as she likes.

I certainly favour the 'softy softly' approach to see if you can find an underlying cause for what is at best anitsocial, and at workse serious risk-taking behaviour. If you need to throw her out after that, it's a final sanction.

I hope you can get that sorted.

[happyone2]

there is a very good place for young people who need help to see their way.. thru growing up, dealing with their parents issues etc etc.............its called the foyer and it provides a home for young people who can no longer live at home.......

they are given support and help to deal with.............well growing up !!! they are given freedom but also parameters by which to live..........

they will help her deal with her low self esteem issues, 1-2-1 support, counselling...................... and help the 2 of you deal with the issues that are creating the anger she is displaying towards you........................

together you could arrange for her to live there, together you can be support ive of each other.......you would know she was safe, you would be able to be there for her without the constant strain of dealing with her issues............

possibly you cant deal with her issues because you are a prt of them, the foyer will help you both with that..........

i would recommend the foyer to any parent...........

if shes going to go, dont evict her............help her........................... you'll feel less guilty and you will maintain a relationship for the future

good luck

[sara3]

get out the local paper and show her the price of flats. I'm sure there is no way she could afford to rent one.

then tell her that if she would like to stay under your roof she has to live by your rules. she can pay her way (compare this to rental costs, without food, heating etc), she can show some respect for you and your son, even if she seems to have no respect for your house.

her behaviour is totally unacceptable, and I can't believe how much I sound like my own mother!

[sara3]

I meant to say "no respect for herself" not "your house".

angry typing!

[alishalexy]

Yes sit her down preferably when shes sober and tell her straight it stops or the doors are locked next time you go out and your not coming back. Ring at a daytime and we will leave your items in black bags outside the house when you request them.
My thoughts are she is looking for one of these men to take her in and she will go and use one of them.
Who introduced her to drink in the first place. If she never drank I don't think you would even have ramdom men back at yours.
You have to ask yourself if something happened to her outside could you live with it, of course it would not be your fault. If you can then get rid!
Is your son aware that ramdon girls are not allowed back?
If your the mother then of course you can' t put up with this, not all these men are safe and your safety and your sons is vital and not to be risked. I am afraid your going to have to prove to your daughter you mean business because I bet she won't believe you would do it. She will call your bluff!
Sadly some people need to learn from their own mistakes.