Oh hon, it's just horrible when you have that anger you can't do anything about and it just festers, especially when it involved two of the most important people in your life.
I think you need to find some kind of vent for your frustration. First you need to understand your feelings are valid, you've been hurt and of course you will feel angry and all sorts of other emotions.
Then try to focus on what might be lacking in or being forced out of your life to enable you to have so much time to dwell and try and address the balance.
Talking to someone might help. I avoided it for years as I'd got some kind of control over some of my issues in my past like eating problems but there were still lots of things I hadn't dealt with and had shelved in order to just try and carry on and get by.
My GP recommended a private cognative therapist and she is absolutely amazing. It has made a huge difference to me and I couldn't recommend it enough.
So maybe look into to talking things through with someone to try and find a happier way forward?