bereaved friend

[crisgal]

my neighbour lost her husband a year ago and has really struggled to come to terms with her loss. (he was only 54)
I have been to see her a few times, but, i' m ashamed to say, have avoided bumping into her recently, as I really do not know what to say and she gets very upset.
I want to send her a card, but am not sure what to put in it.
Should it be a christmas card or not?
She has children and grandchildren, so I know there will be some elements of christmas in the house.

[sara3]

I know that when my ex was desperately ill, I lost friends because they didn't know how to handle the situation. I would still welcome them back if they came back.

write a card to.. whatever her name is "and family" and take it to her house. knock on the door, tell her you've found it difficult to stay in touch but want to be a better neighbour.

I'm sure she'll understand x

[dee2912]

i think you should get a card saying "thinking of you" and maybe say have a good xmas inside maybe

[sara3]

oh, I missed that bit! yes, a Christmas card :o)

[crisgal]

but they all say Merry Christmas! She's not going to have a merry one is she?
But if i don't send a christmas one, that might make her feel worse.
:(

[Eve]

My godmother lost her youngest son in an accident when he was only 14.

My mum remembers every year and goes round with a card to see my godmother and she really appreciates it as it's like he is remembered as so many people just avoid speaking about him.

[jeanyb]

Hi
I lost my husband in August this year, aged 56. I have received Christmas cards from friends and nearly all of them write they are thinking of us. It is nice to know people do care and are obviously thinking about us. It's natural she gets upset - I don't know how I am going to be from one day to the next and I know as Christmas gets nearer it gets worse. My son wrote in his Christmas card to me he knows Christmas day will be difficult, but he's proud of me and the way I've coped, and he's thankful for everything I have done for him ... ( that started me off!). We have to get through it together. Don't know if this helps or not ...
Hope you have a good Christmas
jeanyb

[terambulan]

What's a card, cheap in �1 shop? Dont be mean - send it and just sign your name with 'hoping you're well'!

[gelda]

Sorry about your loss Jeanyb, I lost my husband 3 years ago and still find Christmas a sad time, I'm by myself this Christmas which I find easier, time does heal eventually. x

[steadyjack]

I'm facing my 1st Christmas as a widower, and I've been sent Christmas cards and thinking about you cards. The thought means more to me than what type of card. Whatever you send, she'll appreciate it.

[coccinelle]

There are cards without the Merry Christmas written on. i've received a few with Christmas wishes, good tidings etc. If you don't want to send a Christmas card buy a card with a winter scene and give her that, you then write Thinking of you at this festive season or whatever.

[bizzylizzy]

Ahh it's nice that you're concerned enough to ask everyone, well done you. I too would drop a card through the letterbox and say something like we'd love to see anytime if you fancy dropping in for a drink or a coffee.

I'm very sad over a loss myself at the minute and I do tend to burst into tears if people start talking about it, so you're right to steer off the subject unless she brings it up herself. I personally think being cheery is the way to go, avoid the depressing 'thinking of you at this time' messages.

Good luck, Merry Christmas.

[Mamyalynne]

crisgal theres no right or wrong way. I too lost my darling husband in August so this christmas will be very difficult, but the cards make me smile and remember the good times, Though it is sad to see my name wihout his as we were together 34 years.
Just do as you feel and that will be right.
Mamya x

[Nosha123]

I would agree with all here - far from upsetting her it will let her know she is in your thoughts and that you care.
Send the card - with some kind words. And visit her now and again - just asking how she is that day! I know some people find it awkward to know what to say - but to avoid them I think could hurt even more. Just a few words to say you have been thinking about her and are there for her if she needs any help will mean so much!
My cousin lost her little girl aged just 6 and so many people suddenly disappeared off the scene as they didnt know what to say to her - dont worry about finding the right words.. make the effort to make contact and she will be happy you care. Have a good Xmas yourself too!

[danchip]

you can get xmas cards which just say thinking of you at this time of year

write in it if she ever needs a chat or anything just to pop round or something along those lines

[horselady]

This is a sad post. Three of my Christmas card senders have just the one name on them this year where last year they were a couple. It must be very hard, that first Christmas without someone. (Memo to self, don't shout at him tonight when he gets on my nerves).

[smudge]

Haven't time to read all the answers, but if it were me, I would send your friend a 'Thinking of you' card.

You don't have to write too much in it, just that she is in your thoughts, not only at Christmas, but all year too.....

[crisgal]

thanks everyone - i will get a cheery card, and take it round myself. Hope you all find some joy this christmas. x x x


(I resent being called mean, terambulan! There was no need for that!)