a new start

[bubbles4920]

when you have left your partner, how hard has it been to pick yourself up, i may be just about to do this and im petrified, topping myself at the moment seems an easier option. i cannot believe that i will have to start again from scratch as i currently live abroad. what has kept you going through the dark, hard times? was it worth going through and are you a happier person now?

[puddicat]

Lots of abers will help!!!

[pinktwink]

oh bubbles dont give up now. family and friends always keep me going when times are tough. Hold on to a vision of a brighter future a new start and while it may be tough it is possible and you are not alone. you wont have to start from scratch you still have yourself and your unique personality. Life is for living keep going

[richtee]

Hi bubbles,
Its a new dawn for you, and you know how beautiful dawns can be- pinktwink has the right idea.
Lots of luck.

[123everton]

What's the script?
Why do you wanna leave?
You have to learn to be happy with and true to yourself.

[gallapunk]

If you're so unhappy where you are (or just stuck in a rut, which is just as bad), then even though it will be hard at first, it will be worth it in the end, honestly. What could be worse than staying with that person you don't love for the rest of your life? Make the break and once you've done it, you've done it, it's behind you and you start again. It's not easy, but you will be so glad in the end. I can't give you a timescale because it's different for everyone (depending on circumstances), but as soon as you're totally free in every way to get on with your life, then if that's what you really want, that's when it will feel good.

[gallapunk]

And very best wishes to you, x

[4getmenot]

By not thinking about the past remember yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery. dont ever say you will top yourself I know people that have over stupid things. People alot worse off than you alot worse things than a break up

[4getmenot]

what has kept me going is my wonderful friends and my family I have never been that low to even contemplate killing myself and hurting them. I am quite a strong person so I've always thought F**k them all scuse my language lol but you have only yourself to look after in life and only one life to live make the most of it, a day being upset and depressed is another day wasted. xxx

[thugulike]

This is a difficult time for you I know. Try to think of the positive things which could arise from this change. A door has closed but another will open. What would you really like to do and what do you need to do to make it happen? Make a plan and work towards it. Achieving even small steps will make you feel better about yourself. Try not to stretch yourself too far right now and take just small steps as to take a bigger step and perhaps not succeed will put you back in that dark place again. Good luck bubbles

[lil75]

The way I see it is this...after sorrow can only come happiness....

I left my partner a few years back, at 1st it was really hard, but not for the right reasons....he didnt show me any affection and drunk a lot, most nights I would go to bed alone, and as much as I was worried about ending it, it was the best thing I could have done...I am now with someone else that makes me very happy in a lot of ways....best of luck, and with the support of friends/family, you will come through it x

[unrulyjulie]

You have so much to look forward to but you do need to give yourself time, emotionally as well as all the other stuff, to heal. I guess it all depends on the relationship you have left. For me, it was easyish because of how miserable my life was although it is never really easy ! The thing that got me through the difficult parts were definitely my wonderful friends,

The future is unknown and that is the scariest things but id say, dont look back, its over for a reason, think positively about which path your life might take now!

Personally, i am the happiest now i have ever been and i look back and realise just how bad it had become, so for me, yes, worth going through every last bit.
Good luck. x

[jukie]

bubbles - it is easy to tell you "don't worry, you'll be fine" and "you'll get through it in time" - well, yes it does get easier, I had to leave my husband near 12 years ago after my daughter was born and I thought that was it - the end, I would never be happy again or find anyone else to share life with. I remembered, yes I had my daughter and she kept me going through all the lonely nights, although I do admit there were more tears from me at the time than there was from her!!! LOL. You can get through this - just keep yourself going with work and friends (don't spend all your time working though! There has to be a bit of play time somewhere!!) You will eventually find the right person for you when youre not looking, but hang in there it will come, maybe not tomorrow or the day after, but it will sometime. I have been with my current partner now for near 6 years and I am extremely happy and wonder what all the worrying was about all those years ago. Take care and the all the best for your future xx

[hottoddy2]

The things I did to get over a bad past relationship:
1. I wrote down all the reasons why I left my ex-partner to remind me why this relationship was no good and had no future.
2. I made the decision not to go back EVER but to be free to meet someone new eventually.
3. I was lucky and had ties to this ex (no children, property or money), so I decided to not have any future contact with him - no meeting, no phonecalls, no letters, no texts, no emails etc, and to get on with my life alone.
4. (The following is a bit drastic but it worked for me) I got rid of everything he ever bought me, gave me, or that reminded me of him. It meant getting rid of a lot of stuff but I asked myself "would I rather have the thing or the pain and memory that goes with that thing?" I had a lot of stuff that reminded me of him, but as soon as I got rid of the stuff I felt so free of him. It was like purging him from my life.
5. I put a saying on a card on my dressing mirror which I read every morning and every night - "You have a husband waiting to meet you and children waiting to be born" - I repeated this saying often like a mantra which got me through the darkest of days.

Although the ending was very painful it got better with time. Time heals all wounds. A few years later I met my husband, the love of my life who I would never have met if I had still been with the ex, and now I have a beautiful baby daughter! I am truly happy now.

You will get through this. You deserve to be happy and you deserve the best in all things. Believe it.

[ummmm]

I think you can always end up much happier if you learn by your mistakes.

Each relationship I've had has been better than the one before. They've all been long term as well.

I think fear of the unknown is what scares people but many look back and realise they had nothing to be scared about. Much easier I know if you are the dumpee rather than the dumped.

[bubbles4920]

yes, i am afraid of the unknown and making the first move i know will be the hardest. he has cheated on me several times with the same woman even though we are moved abroad to start a new life, some start! i am seeing a counsellor, in fact we both are, but i do not feel that i can lay my heart out on the line for one last time to trust him only for my life to be devastated totally again. there are too many reminders and i cannot see a way forward with hin anymore even though he keeps begging me not to leave him.

[4getmenot]

Several times?? You ever heard of Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

No wonder you are in the state you are

[alanon]

I am a hard working, proffesional, caring and loving man who was by my wifes own words "The perfect husband" and 2 months ago she left me to "find herself", in the pain of all this I have discovered that we have 2 options in life:

Face our wounds

Run from or build a defence around our wounds

And beleive me we all carry wounds, you need to identify what they are, and engage with the emotion surrounding them.

Life is not a fairy tale which is what you have been chasing, love is an act of your will and not a feeling. we always look for permanent solutions to temporary problems & vica versa.

get to know you, here is a great quote from an author named John Eldridge. "Dont ask yourself what you need or what the world needs, ask your self what makes you feel most alive because what the world needs are people who are truly alive"

God bless you pal

[ummmm]

Bubbles....not all men are the same and if you stay in this relationship then he may destroy that perception. When I left (chucked him out really) I couldn't beleive the weight off my shoulders.

I am soooo happy, even though I've had a pretty horrendious year. You could be too :-)