Post Natal Depression or making a big deal out of nothing?

[k8bailey]

wasn't really sure where to put this.... My daughter is 7months old and I've just been talking to the HV about the possibility of me having PND. She did a questionaire and I scored 12/30 which she said was borderline.

She only came to see me because she had a call from social services, who were checking up on me after my partner was arested for assulting me. It honestly wasn't as bad as it sounds. My OH had been drinking quite heavily at a family event over xmas. When we got home we argued and he grabbed my wrist and pushed me against a wall. I was holding my little girl at the time. After this my OH started to smash up the living room door, I walked out of the house with the baby and called a friend who came back to the house with me and then called the police. My partner was arrested for common assult, but not charged as I wouldn't press charges. He's not a bad person he'd just ad too much to drink that night.

When the HV came to dicuss all this I admitted that I hadn't felt happy since the birth. I feel paranoid about 'someone' taking my baby away, particularly my MIL. I know that these feelings are completely irrational, but if we're in a supermarket for example and my partner stays withnthe baby while go to get something and then I can't see them straight away, I feel so panicky and begin imagining that he has run off with her!

[k8bailey]

I've become so good at 'putting on a brave face'. the first few weeks after my baby was born I wouln't leave the house unless I was immaculately dressed inc heels, jewelery, makeup and nail varnish, I really felt like I had something to prove. I have relaxed lightly now except if my MIL is visiting, or I have something 'special' to do like an appointment, play group session, etc.

My baby has had some health problems which has been tough and I feel so alone with all that, our families were not very sympathetic, the doctors thought I was just a clueless 1st time mum, and my partner was always at work, meaning I had to do most of the hospital appointments on my own.

I started back at work 2days p/week, on Monday. I felt so stressed about my daughter going to nursery that I ended up in tears because I didn't know how many spare sets of clothes she needed or more importantly which outfits to take. I once missed one of her clinic appointments because I couldn't decide what she should wear.

My partner keeps telling me my moods are very up and down, and the changes can happen in seconds.

I don't have any friends anymore to talk this through with. I don't want to go down the route of being diagnosed with a mental health probs. This sort of thing follows you for life. I just can't go on feeling like this though, I think I've forgotten how to smile. I wasn't brought up to talk about my feelings with strangers and I find it so hard to ask for help. I feel like if I go to the GP like the HV wants then they'll think I'm not a fit mother.

[Yvaines09]

I had PND with (what the doctor called) "outside influences". The normal frantic, panicky baby stuff along with some severe family problems which just added to it.

Please take any advice or counselling that they offer - it may solve some of the other issues in your life like the assault. I know you aren't making a big deal with it but if you are suffering a bit after the birth then you don't need the extra burden. Stick with it as well.

[Velvetee]

It sounds like you could be suffering PND. Is your husband generally supportive or do you feel you are dealing with being a new mother alone?

I will give birth to my first in 4 months time and have no idea how I will feel after. I know I am prone to depression, so I suppose I'm half expecting to have PND.

I think it's important to have contact with other mothers and network as much as possible, even if you don't feel like it. Not only will you be able to talk to women who may know how you're feeling, but you will make new friends too.

Perhaps you should see your GP and see what help there is available, maybe your feelings are just the usual anxieties of being a new mum and may surpass quite quickly.

If you can, try to join some mother and baby groups. I intend to go for baby massage and sign language classes, as I hope they will benefit me as well as my baby.

[Nosha123]

You must remember K8bailey you are not alone on this matter.. dont suffer in silence.. there is help out there for you!
I dont have kids - but I am certain there is too much pressure on new mums to be able to juggle all the balls and keep everything running smoothly and to dote on your baby and be perfect!
Accept help from your GP - they are not going to take your baby away! PND is an illness that can be cured! They will treat you for the illness.. maybe through therapy or drugs.. I dont know!
You need to learn to talk.. and to ask for help from those close to you - then they will get a better understanding of how hard you are finding it!
Please dont suffer alone! It will get easier - but you have to accept help and learn to ask for it!
Good luck!

[k8bailey]

Yvaines09 - How long did it take you to feel better? if you don't mind me asking.

I do feel a bit alone, my partner was great in the first few weeks when i was suffering physically because of the birth, but then he went back to work and I look after the baby, he helps in the evenings but it's mainly down to me to do all the hard bits, his idea of giving me a break is holding the baby so that I can go and make him a meal or do some washing!!

I do go to lots of groups with the baby which we both enjoy but I don't make friends easily and I feel like all the others are coping so well and that I'm just being silly. Also I feel a bit left out i'm only 24 and whilst I have been to uni, I have a job and own my own house I still feel like a kid around theses women who are around 10 years older than me, maybe I'm just going to the wrong groups!

Velvetee, I've done short course of sign and massage with Nancy, but both whilst she was very young about 5-8 weeks, they were geat but I think they're more suited to older babies esp the sign language. I'd definately recomend them, as well as swimming, we don't go to lessons yet but she loves being in the water, we started going when she was about 9 weeks and she has a fantastic time.

[Velvetee]

I do sympathise with you K8. Like you, I don't make friends easily. It can't be easy. It sounds like you are doing all the right things, perhaps you just need more hands on support from your partner as well as emotional.

It can be a very lonely time, especially if you don't have close friends and family to rely on, even if it's for a chat. Somehow, I think I will soon know what you are going through, as I don't have that many friends I'm really close to, my mother is aged and frail and i don't get on with other relatives, who live miles away anyway.

I hope things improve for you soon.

[tigwig]

Hi, reading what you have said yes I think it does sound like you have PND.
Please, please let your HV and GP help you. They will not think you are an unfit mother or take the baby away.
I have never suffered from PND myself fortunately but I know there is help out there for people who do. There is no need for you to suffer like this.
Your HV should also be able to provide you with details of other groups so you can get out and meet new people should you want to.
I really hope you get the help you deserve so you can enjoy bringing your baby up without feeling like this.
Take care and let us know how you get on. We are all here anytime you want to offload.

[lil75]

Im a mum and I have always panicked about my children....still do now, I was a young mum and found that the mother and baby goups were full of older mums and felt as though I didnt fit in, they were all sat there chatting away and I felt so out of place. Running a house and having children is hard, especially when you feel you dont have support from others....maybe you dont have pnd but are finding it hard adjusting to running your home and caring for your baby and its all getting to much? That doesnt make you a bad mum, infact it means you are doing all you can without taking a moment out for YOU, which will lead to you feeling the way you do? I dont know about pnd as I never had it, so just putting another suggestion your way to try and help you work out whats going on x

[annie0000]

post natal depression is often more of a chemical depression rather than something that involves investigating your past and mental health. You may find that your hormone levels have not returned to normal and that this is causing or conrtibuting to your general feelings of panic etc. It would be worth seeing your GP as it may be something that can be dealt with with some hormone adjustments. Are you on the pill?

[bednobs]

hi k8 i think you are nOT making a big deal out of nothing, and i think you genuinely have PND, in fact from your posts n here i think you have had it for some time, but just gone on coping ith it

[gbradfield]

ive had post natal depression myself so i know what your going through. No questionaire is going to tell you if your depressed better than YOU. go and see your gp and tell him your feeling, be completely honest and dont hold anything back. there is help out there!

[k8bailey]

Hi everyone, thanks for all your support and understanding, I'm going to see a GP next week and hopefully get this dealt with once and for all.