Disposal of Ashes after cremation

[bellvivienne]

My father died recently. He had made it clear that he wished to have his ashes scattered in a particular spot. My 2 sisters and I agreed with his common-law partner that the scattering would take place when all 4 of us were available. This is logistically dificult because we all live far apart.

Since the cremation we have discovered that my father's common-law partner has been advised to scatter the ashes as soon as possible in order to achieve "closure".
My sisters and I are very worried that the partner will scatter the ashes before us three daughters are together - in fact we discovered that she was thinking of doing it yesterday!

The question is, who has the right to the ashes - his next-of-kin (us 3 daughters), or his common-law wife? If the former, is there any way we can prevent the undertaker from releasing the ashes to the common-law partner, who, we believe, has no legal rights in this matter.

Obviously this is disturbing us all greatly and due to the nature of the situation time is of the essence so I would appreciate answers as quickly as possible.

Thanks in advance

[tamborine]

Who-ever pays the funeral costs receives the ashes.

There's no time limit for disposal. You can keep them on the TV indefinitely or even split them with who-ever.

[bellvivienne]

Thanks, but what if the funeral cost is paid out of my father's estate? Who receives the ashes in that case?

[Ethel]

The bill would have been sent to somebody - the person who arranged the funeral.

[bednobs]

you would be much better to work it out with her. If she wants quick closure, could yu and your sisters take some holiday and make a stupendous effort? unfortunately, even if your dads wishes were written nto his will, there is no law saying this has to be abided by

[Buenchico]

Nobody owns a dead body. (During Sheffield rag week many years , some students nicked a body from the morgue. They were only charged with stealing the shroud which covered the body, since there could be no ownership of the body). It follows that nobody owns the ashes resulting from the cremation of that body.

As stated above, the funeral director (or the crematorium) will give the ashes to whoever directly paid for the funeral. (i.e. the person who wrote the cheque, 'flashed the plastic' or handed over the cash). That person is free to do whatever he (or she) likes with the ashes.

Funeral directions, expressed in a will, have no legal standing whatsoever. (For example, someone could state that they wish to be cremated but whoever arranged the funeral would be free to substitute burial if that was their wish).

Chris

[Schutzengel]

Incidentally, there is no such thing in law as a common-law-wife. The lady in question would be your father's lady friend.

[Bordessoulle]

Hi bellvivienne, assuming you are in England, then the person who has the control of the cremated remains is the person who applied for the cremation, irrespective of their relationship to the deceased. The payment of the funeral account has no relavence. If your fathers partner was the applicant for his cremation then you have no say in the matter, sorry but that is the law.

[LastJourney]

I am so sorry to hear about this upsetting disagreement and hope that you managed to get together and celebrate your father's life together as you had planned.
The attitude of your father's girlfriend seems totally unreasonable - the decision as to when you scatter a loved ones ashes is not something that should be hurried or forced...and clearly, you all wanted to share the moment of sending him on his last journey.
It is disappointing to think that when we make the decision for our own ashes to be scattered following cremation, that perhaps we also have to consider stating whether they should perhaps be divided up between our survivors.
I hope that your memories are now only of the happy times that you spent with your father and that you can feel how he lives on in your hearts.
Best regards,
Phil from Last Journey Memorial Events www.ScatteringAshes-Spain.com