Do mothers always bond with new babies?

[Velvetee]

As some of you will be aware, I'm 25 weeks pregnant with my first child. I'm 39 and it came as quite a shock, as I never really seriously thought about having children, as I've never been keen on them and never experienced the broody phase many women go through.

It was never ever a consideration, that I would not continue the pregnancy, but I've been wondering for a while, how do other pregnant women feel towards their unborn babies? I still feel quite detached and still find it hard associating the baby as an individual and still refer to him as "it".

Do you suddenly bond with your baby as soon as it's born, does it take time and do women always fall in love with their babies?

[Picky]

Hi Velvetee

Firstly, big congratulations on your pregnancy! I had similar concerns when I was pregnant with baby Picky 1. I wasn't sure how I was going to react to being a Mum and how baby was going to get on with me! I felt more of a connection with him once I could feel him moving about, but when he was actually born (eventually, as he was 13 days late!), I felt such a rush of love and an immediate connection with this little person. I know it's not always the case that people feel that 'connection' straight away, but I can only tell you how I felt and it was fantastic! Baby Picky no 2 is due on the 16th July and I can't wait! Have you found out what you are having? I had my 20 week scan last week but didn't find out!

Good luck with everything, I'll keep an eye out for how you're getting on!

Px

[Velvetee]

Thanks Picky. I'm having a boy and due on 13 June. Hope your pregnancy is a comfortable one and congratulations too.

[elf-angel]

hya, congratulations!
I felt the same way...detached and even more so when I found out I was having a boy as we are a family full of girls!
As soon as they put the baby on my stomach after giving birth I got the most overwhelming feeling of love and it grows more and more each day.
Its possibly not the same for everyone but the fact you didnt even consider not carrying on with the pregnancy means there must be some sort of maternal bond going on....
good luck x

[crisgal]

hi,
I noticed your post as I too remember thinking the same thing with my first pregnancy. I didn't have anyone to ask though, and thought it was only me.
It is a feeling that you cannot imagine until it happens to you.
I don't think it is always instantaneous though. Yes, once my son was born, I felt love and pride, and a feeling that i would protect him to the death, from harm!
I did, however suffer bad post natal depression and didn't really get any proper help until my baby was over a year old. It was then, as i started to feel better, that i got the rush of complete and utter joy.
I think if new mum's get that as soon as they have their babies, then they are very very lucky.

It's like when you go on to have more children - you simply can't imagine having enough love to go around. You worry that you won't love the new baby as much as the first. But somehow, you do!

warmest wishes to you and your bump x x x

[onlyme26]

aww bless you, i really wouldnt worry, everyone is different, before i had my first i wasnt a kids person at all! i found them annoying and never even thought of having my own, but the minute she started kicking i was like.... wow i little person in there and just grew attacthed!

im 33 weeks now and i must admit i have named her and i talk to her daily updating her on what is going on lol but everyone is different but yes there is a huge connection when you give birth it is quite amazing,

but some people dont feel it straight away, you have just been though a mega amount of pain, your tired, probabilly frustrated.
if you are really worred try talking to him/her, sounds crazy i know but it really feels like your getting to know them
or get your partner to, my baby always seemed to kick more when my partner lies his head on my belly and talks to her its really sweet,

but seriously dont worry, if you worry about it too much you will just cause yourself unnessesary stress.

And when you bring her home and she starts to form into a little you, you will look back and wonder what you worried about!

good luck xx

[puddicat]

morning velvet hope u are well,i have 2 sons and being totally honest never really bonded with my eldest but did with the youngest!!!

[Bbbananas]

I think your feelings are perfectly normal, and there is no right or wrong answer or one big feeling for all.

I bonded instantly with my son - one look into his big blue eyes & I was instantly smitten & felt straight away this overpowering wonderful tearjerking love. I expected that same feeling with my daughter born 2 years later - it didn't happen & I was mortified. She was healthy, the daughter I'd always wanted - but the 'instant' bond wasn't there the same as it was at my son's birth.

It did happen - only about 4 days later when I looked at her & was relieved to feel "OMG of course I love her....". It's instant for some, takes time for others, and is absolutely unpredictable - but I'm sure for 99% of mothers, that love does come in it's own sweet time.

[ummmm]

When the stitches have healed....!!!!

[Velvetee]

Thanks so much everyone, all your answers have been very helpful.

[k8bailey]

I think most people have wondered that me included.I can only say what it was like for me but, like you, my bump was known as 'it.' I was excited, but mostly about the shopping for baby things. I'd never even seen a new baby before and I'm not (well I wasnt) a mushy girly type and definitely didn't like kids!

As soon as Nancy was born, I was too drugged, shocked, tired, scared to take much in, but when they'd got her breathing and me stitched up I was allowed to hold her and look her I don't think I stopped smilling for days, I was soooo proud, the love bit came a couple of days later when I was breast feeding and realised that she was mine and perfect. Now I would jump out infront of a bus for her - she means everything to me!

(wow, if you knew me you'd kow how unlike me this all sounds) gonna go and have a cuddle with her now! :-)

[upsydaisy]

Hi Velvetee - I can honestly say it took about 6 weeks before I came out of this sort of numbness I had regarding my son. (it was a very scary difficult birth - very rare) I had an emergency c-section under general anaesthetic n when I was eventually able to hold him it was like 'And who are you???' What I can tell you is that every day I treasure spending time with him (yes even when hes being difficult! He's now 27 months) - I feel truly blessed and just looking at his precious face makes my heart squeeze with love. Its almost as if he is even more special because it took that bit longer to bond. So try not to worry - it may not be instant love but when it comes it is the most wonderful feeling in the world. Hope this helps - xx