Hypothetically-Rape???

[Drisgirl]

If say 29yrs ago ,you were awkened by a 'random' who had been invited back to a friends house,only to find he was kissing you and having sex with you until you realised that it wasnt in fact your husband,would you still constitute this as rape?

What if said person didnt say at the time as she was terrified her husband would have without any doubt taken him out,thus rendering him on a serious charge for nothing he had done.

Would you be inclined to pursue it after all those years or let sleeping dogs lie?

[cherrybea]

I think if said person was drunk and never knew what she was doing then yeh it could be classed as rape. As for wanting to drag it up after so many years,would the person be able to cope with it?

[Eve]

All just my opinion only as I'm not sure how the process would work, offences etc... but I'd say initially it was, at least, some kind of sexual assault.

As for rape, I guess it would depend on whether, once awareness had kicked in, consent was not given (ie said or tried to stop etc...) or if consent was not able to be given.

I think the actual circumstances would very much come into play if anything ever got to court and there would be a lot of talk about motive for the late reporting, why now etc...

I always tend to look at how good a possible defence may be to try and guage that, however true or not, an honest think about what could come up in court eg any kind of relationship between the parties or others connected since ie could it be insinuated a grudge has led to a false report etc...

It's not to say looking into things couldn't be cathartic though, making a report, despite the outcome, or at least taking advice could help in feeling something is being done. This could be both police and legal.

As for taking any action, for me, it would depend on the effect it was having on the person or possibly other people, whether he is a potential dangers to others etc...

I think some kind of talking therapy with a trained counsellor would be good prior to taking any action.

[Eve]

Sorry, forgot the last bit.

That I don't know. I had a chat with someone recently who did report at a later stage and, in their opinion, I should do the same for something that happened to me, especially as one of the persons concerned has been trying to contact me recently.

For many reasons, I just don't know if I can. I am going to concentrate on talking therapy first and see where that leads me.

At the moment, the way I feel about things and the effects it has had on me is my priority to try and get sorted. Anything else will come later for me.

[Drisgirl]

Thanks for your replies-which co-incentally mirror my response.
I felt and indeed feel that dredging this up would not be of any benefit,however I did advise counselling.

A wee addendum -she wasnt drunk and when she 'came round' she immediately told hime to get off.

She has kept this to herself for all those years so it must prey on her mind to now talk about it.I simply didnt know what to suggest apart from counselling althgough I know it happened.Tough call.Maybe even helped her to talk to me about it -who knows?

Thank you both for taking the time ro reply -this will help a lot.