Revenge

[FionaS]

I have recently discovered that my partner has been having an affair with someone I know in a work capacity. I was told this by a friend and have since discovered the person involved has told several of my friends and business associates. I accept that it is my partner who owes a duty of fidelity to me and now this girl. Nevertheless, having always made an effort to be pleasant and supportive to her I do feel personally betrayed. I now have an opportunity for revenge as her ex-boyfriend pays her rent out of guilt for finishing with her and doesn't know - do I tell him?

[andy hughes]

This is a tricky one. You need to balance your perfectly justified feelings of hurt and anger against the harm you will do to innocent parties, in order to exact your revenge. My instinct would be to do nothing. I have been in your situation, and schemed for months how to get my revenge, but looking back, the cost to my dignity would have been greater than any satisfaction I may have had in spoiling other peoples' lives, together with the knowledge that I would be seen to be vengeful, an unattractive personality trait, however justified. My advice is to leave well alone - these things have a way of coming round, and you may find that ' revenge' can be obtained without direct action, and it will be all the sweeter for that.

[incitatus]

How would you feel about yourself afterwards? Personally I would retreat from the situation with as much dignity as possible. That said if she has actually damaged your business by talking out of turn sack her *rse, or arrange for it to be so, as this is a life lesson she needs to learn. Incidentally what does your partner say about it? It is him you need to consider a glenn close type situation with, as he owed you better.

[vittoria]

Yes, don't get your hands dirty - get someone else to do the dirty work for you. How about inducing the "friend" who told you about the affair, to tell the girl's ex-boyfriend too? Then sit back and watch what happens. (Of course, it could all end up hunky dory for her so be prepared). And don't forget to keep us posted...

[FionaS]

Thanks for all you answers...have decided to leave alone for the moment and work through Third Party if need be...at the end of the day, I can do this if I choose to any time. In answer to enquiries about my scumbag partner, in true bunny boiler style I destroyed everything he owned. He is very much in the "I want you back" camp and we are still talking about working it out.

[ravenhair]

Can I just say I'm really sorry you've been put in this awful situation and I do hope you manage to work things out. I was in a not dissimilar situation around three years ago and things have worked out in a way I would never have thought possible when I was in the throes of rage and hurt. It's hard to be positive at the time but I hope your partner will see this as a turning point. And trust does come back; it just takes a while. Let us all know here how you get on; I'm sure we all wish you the best.

[MistyLady]

Keep your dignity & do not waste your time on revenge. I have been on the tail end of a similar situation & months later the whole shooting match back-fired on the couple & I had my revenge on a plate!! Remember if he has done it to you he will do it again. Watch your so called friends, how long did they know before you found out? If you find out it was for some time be sure to down grade them to associates!!!!

[ravenhair]

I don't think it's necessarily the case that if he's done it once he'll do it again. If nithing about either him or the relationship changes, that may well be true. If, however, he addresses the parts of his personality, character, emotional baggage or whatever that caused it to happen in the first place and makes some profound and fundamental changes, then I do think that it need not happen again. I have to say that my partner is a quite different person from the one he was a few years ago, so things can work out.

[jillkirby]

This may not help but it is a good story - my aunt had found that her husband had been having an affair with his p.a - some how she managed to get to his computer and found lats of emails from his mistress - so she printed them (hard prrof) and confronted him about it - of course he denied but she had proof - basically she told him that he either gives her the house etc and takes nothing or she tells the company he works for and he gets sacked - neddless to say theu don't speak any more and he has nothing and she has well the house - REVENGE IS SWEET!!!!!