Break up of a 22 yr old relationship

[Angelbones12]

Met Anthony and Cheryl on holiday in Corfu in '87. Bcame friends and stayed close. My girlfriend and I went to their wedding.Asked Ant 2 be my best man and he and Cheryl met my backstabbing sister at my wedding and became friends as they all lived in West Midlands. My sister and I were never close and warned Ant she's 2 faced. Ant and Cheryl have 2 boys. Went up to see them all at Xmas and stayed at my sister's.Of course she started slagging Anthony off for being too slow (he's a decorator,self-employed after getting the sack or made redundant) as my sister asked him to do jobs for her around the house. My wife spends Xmas with her family who I can't stand and this has been going on for a couple of years as my mum also stays for Xmas at my sister's. This year, my sister was taking the mick again at Ant's work and as I love Ant as a brother I never had, I thought I owed him the info. on what my sister was saying behind his back. Instead of thanking me, both he and Cheryl had a rant at me saying I was making it all up etc. A couple of years ago he was going thru a rough patch in his marriage and he leant on me for support which I freely gave and helped patch up their marriage.Now his has happened, I have no clue as to why or where he is coming from. He ignores all forms of communication until I had enough and texted both him and my sister I never wanted to see them again and thanked my sister for breaking up a 22yr old relationship which she has done to me before with a family member.My sister has 2boys and a girl. I've got theories that Ant &Cheryl may want to pair off one of their sons with my neice, except all 3 of my sister's kids can't stand them. Or he may be suffering a midlife crisis after losing his job and possibly having marriage problems again. Has anyone else had such an experience or views ?Thanks for reading & hope to get some insight into this.

[Ice.Maiden]

A stark reminder that talking behind people's backs never gets you anywhere.
Your first mistake was in warning your friend about your sister being two-faced. That was up to Ant and his wife to find out for themselves. Perhaps you're right about this, but I think they might see it as sour grapes that they get on with her - if only surfacely - and you don't.
If it was me, I'd leave it for now. The couple know where you are if they want to get in touch. Perhaps they're not the good friends that you thought they were, but it sounds like a classic case of too much interference and whispering about each other. Sorry hun. Just the way it reads.

[andy-hughes]

I'd agree Ice.

It seems Angelbones as though your friend sees your sister in a very different light from yourself, and he has come down on her side.

I think it's a shame that you have severed all contact with your frinds though, after such a long time.

Why not write them a letter? Explain that you acted in your friend's best interests, and you are sorry if it caused a rift. Tell them that you value their friendship, and you hope that you can all get past this, and that your friendship can pick up again.

If you don;t hear back, you are no worse off, but you have done what you can to redeem your relationship.

Sorry this has not worked out, but as the government always says, lessons have been learned.

[Angelbones12]

Thank you both for reading my problem. It was Ant's birthday on the Ist but didn't send him a card.I actually phoned Cheryl to try and see what was up and she made it clear I was sending too many texts and emails and to leave them alone. I think you're right Andy. I'll write him a letter with a belated B'day card as he did have a history of forgivingness but he's definitely changed since he lost his job and he was the one that wanted to know what was being said behind his back cos I didn't tell cos it was Xmas and all that. Its when I came home and told him over the phone that he blew up. I am getting a sense that there's something else going on here.A couple of years ago he was ready to walk out on his wife and said if he knew then what he knows now he wouldn't have married her. It was for the sake of the boys that he stayed. I think you're both right. I shouldn't have said anything and there's no harm in writing a letter now I have. Many thanks.

[andy-hughes]

I think I am right, but it gives me no pleasure what ever to say so.

Friendships are unpredictable - if they are worth having - and a sharp left-turn like this can happen to anyone at any time.

Looking back with the 20 - 20 hindsight we all possess, of course there are things you could have done differently but people make mistakes, that's why they put rubbers on the end of pencils.

If your friendship is over, then take the positive from that loss, and use it to move your life on.

[Angelbones12]

No. You are right Andy, but I felt outraged my sister was dissing him and all I wanted to do was defend him and tell him he's being taken for a fool. He obviously took it personally and shot the messenger i.e me.
But then, Ice Maiden has a point in saying leave it for now since I've tried really hard so many times to get him to respond to my texts and emails. On reflection, I don't think a card or letter is going to make much difference. Maybe he's embarrassed that I' found out 'about his work;maybe my sister was right and he is too slow which made him think I questioned his capabilities of work. I don't know. As you say, there's nothing to lose if I send him a card with a letter with your points in it which are spot on. Thanks.

[pizza]

i personally would leave it for now x
give everyone time to reflect on the situation and it seems like you're chasing everyone and i think you should take time to reflect on why they are treating you like they are x
seems he was your friend for such a long time but why he is under your sisters influence now ??

[Angelbones12]

God knows Pizza. I am torn between what Andy has suggested and leaving things well alone for now, given I've done everything for him to get in touch with me. Problem is I've told my sister to not bother contacting me either. I mean she even takes the micky out of her husband when he's not around.
On balance, I'm taking Ice Maiden's and pizza's advice and leave things well alone. They know where I am if they wanna get in touch. He asked what was said, I told him, he blew up at me-end of.