dilemma!

[beverleymot]

my son went to his cousins party today ( cousin from his dads side). me and his dad n partner do not get along very well and they have a son too. the cousins mum said she'd prefer for me to go than my sons dad n partner and they also said that if i went then they were not going. to keep family peace i got my partner to take my son so that their son could go. this isnt the first time this has happened and i dont know whether im doing the right thing. obv its unfair for their child to miss out on a family party but i dont see why i should be the one who doesnt get to go just so their son can go. my son is at another family party soon and im not sure what to do...

[gilf]

From the sound of it you don't have a problem with them, or at least not a big enough one to dictate where they should or shouldn't be going.

Do what suits you and ignore their petty little games is what I would say.

[beverleymot]

thats the whole point- i could sit with them thru a party n tolerate their childish comments but it feels unfair that they make me choose whether their child goes or not- id feel bad if their son didnt go but then i would love to take my son to family parties, and there is no haggling with them!

[mccfluff]

not the most diplomatic of responses but i would go and sod them, its their choice whether they want to behave like idiots or adults!

[beverleymot]

that was kind of the answer i was looking for... i just dont wanna feel bad!!, even though i know ur answers are the right ones!! thanks x

[curiosity]

Its not you who is making the decision to not send their son, its theirs. The longer you accommodate this, the longer they will let you, and be excused from having their own frank discussion about what is best for their son. If they decide to deprive him of family for the reason that you are there then they have to live with the guilt, not you. Your Son on the other hand will probably want you there, so you don't deprive him of this enjoyment because some adults can't be adult about it. Good luck, oh and enjoy the party!

[simonvs]

Good answer, Curiosity!

A sense of humour can be helpful in most situations like these - along with a sense of proportion. As has been said, if you don't get involved in petty mind games, your son will follow in your footsteps one day and be mature about relationahips.

[beverleymot]

excellent answer thanks! im sure whatever decision i make theyll blame me somewhere along the line anyway!! thanks xx