Understanding her?

[spark83]

I am new to this sort of thing so please be kind,I would appreciate some advice as I dont understand my girlfriends behaviour. we are both on facebook,mine is used purely for old school friends and family,however my girlfriend has strangers on hers,people that she doesnt even know,most of the ones she doesnt know are men,and i am feeling uncomfortable about this,she also has exs on their that she has had intimate relationships with,i have told her that i dont feel the need to put my exs on and asked her why she feels the need to have her exs on hers,i wouldnt mind but they frequently write things on her wall refering to her as babe,darling etc with lots of kisses,it makes me feel uncomfortable and i have explained this to her but she just says im insecure and jealous,maybe i am? but recently one of her friends added me and she went mental as this woman has been a bit of a girl lets say,she did no want me adding her on there and i didnt to keep her happy,yet she has strangers (men) and people that she has had intimate relationships with and even people that have blatently fancied her in the past,i asked her why she wanted them on there and it wasnt up for discussion i was apparently being pathetic,what i want to know is,why does she do this,is it attention seeking or maybe she isnt as in to me as i thought,i just dont understand it

[redcrx]

an ex boyfriend can still be a friend. Crikey, if i text my ex husband he will still have a "x" at the end. I also have a few of my ex boyfriends on my email and facebook and my fella doesnt worry about it at all.
You need to learn that its possible to be friends with exes and yet there be nothing untoward happening.

OK the strangers bit seems a bit odd, why would anyone really want total strangers on there, or are they connected to a forum or website she uses?

As for not wanting you to have her friend on your list, that seems a bit hypocritical.

[neptun1982]

ru in a relationship with each other on facebook?

What i mean is that from lookingat her profile can people see that she is attached?

I do find it realy starnge when people are friends with men they dont know. I know from experience that there are a lot of blokes that use facebook to perv on girls, I have never accepted any requests from strangers.

[4getmenot]

I find it strange when peoples are mates with their partner on FB and msg eachother. hello talk!!

[spark83]

redcrx,maybe me and my gf have different opionions on things,i dont want to and wouldnt even want my exs on there,im not interested in them,maybe thats why i posted the question,the stranger bit,well they are definately strangers and i dont approve of it,feel like its a bit of attention seeking,she is very attractive,but also insecure about her looks.

neptun1982,yes it does say that we are in a relationship,which is why i get dicked off when men are writing things on her wall,its almost like i dont exist,theres no respect for me if you get where im coming from,and the fact that she doesnt understand where im coming from just angers me further.

i have had requests from women i dont know but would never put them on,i just dont understand the need for it

[4getmenot]

people you dont know yer bit strange but I completely agree with redcrx I have lots of exes on mine and my partner would not be bothered at all and I wouldnt be bothered if he did as we totally trust eachother.

[redcrx]

"me and my gf have different opionions on things" - lots of couples have varying opions, is it something you can accept or not?

"i dont approve of it" - well that sounds as if youve made your mind up, no room for discussion

"theres no respect for me" - can you respect that she may just have friends online?

Stand back and look at what you want from this relationship. How long have you been seeing each other?

[cymruambyth1]

This is why I got rid of my facebook account!

I trust my boyfriend but I dont necessarily trust his exes, some would find him on facebook and then be all friendly and nice, turns out they dont care if he had a partner or not they still tried to go after him!

But you cant carry on like this, so you either have to have a serious talk with her about how you are feeling, if you carry on constantly looking at her facebook account, you are going to go mad and start reading into things that arent there.

Just make sure she knows how much it upsets you and maybe you can come to some sort of compromise.

[spark83]

Maybe im just too old fashioned,i just dont see what is to be gained from having exs and strangers on there? almost all the men that she doesnt know and adds are good looking so what it all about

at the beginning of our relationship she did do something very hurtful to me, she didnt actually cheat but did a few things that were very painful to me, it nearly caused us to split,maybe thats why i have a problem with it,she has given me reason to mistrust in the past and i thought it would be a priority of hers to gain my trust again,obviously its not.

i am thinking hard about things, maybe this is what i want but not what i need,we have been together for a year

[Ice.Maiden]

Your post sounds uncredibly like someone else who comes on here with relationship problems, but , irrespective of that, I agree with redcrx and 4get.
If you can trust your gf, then be happy that she's so popular - you're the one who's going out with her.
There's nothing wrong in having known male friends or staying on good terms with exes, but if you don't want strangers leaving messages, then why not tell your gf to announce the fact that she has you, and that she doesn't want to hear from strangers?
Sorry - but perhaps the problem lies with you, spark. It sounds as though you're a bit insecure, and jealous of any attention that your gf gets. Learn to communicate with her better, and get out together more!

[4getmenot]

Sounds like you are a bit insecure, if you both trust eachother dont see what problem is. Do you trust her?

[HillyHugger]

There's one rule for women & a different one for men , didn't you know that

[ummmm]

I think his point is more that she went mad when a female tried to add him as a friend. So it looks like double standards.

[susanspain]

Give her enough rope to hang herself.
Some people just don't get that some of us have different views on relationships.
If she really cares about you, she will listen to your 'worries' and either you will work it out - or she will carry on doing the same. At which point you can decide if she is the one 4 U or not.
(I have a friend who's BF flirts with every woman he meets - even though he knows it upsets her. Their relationship will either continue.. or not)...
Sometimes couples counselling can sort this out - but do bear in mind CC can make or break a relationship (but not a bad thing if it works!).
Good luck.