Whats the best way to deal with depression?

[flobadob]

Is there any way to just deal with it without telling anyone that you have it? I have been depressed and suicidal since I was 13, now 30 something. In my mind, the reason I've never killed myself is because I didn't want to pee off my parents and leave them with the hassle of burying me. The thing is I've now got a fiancee and 5 year old son but I'm still depressed. I feel so selfish because I know that my whole world should revolve around my son, and it does, love him so much and I'm still with his mother and I love her too. But generally I wish I was dead, seriously. Ah any comments appreciated. By the way I don't think I'd ever let my loved ones down but I still wish I didn't exist sometimes. Does that count? WTF?

[tamborine]

You have to develop a positive attitude and be glad for each day. I presume your child and wife are healthy and may rely on you for their happiness.

A teenager whose mother took her life was found hanged near her grave.....would you want that to happen to yours?

[Ice.Maiden]

What tamborine's said to you makes sense, but I know from family members who've suffered with severe depression that it isn't easy to just switch from morbid thoughts to being happy with yourself and your life. Hope you've spoken to your doctor again flobadob, because if you're on medication, it doesn't appear to be suiting you.
If you haven't sought help, then you're long over-due. With the right help, which may include counselling, you can get back on track, and please don't bury your feelings. Learn to admit to how you're feeling, and to express your emotions by talking.

[wolf63]

A lot of people on AB badmouth anti-depressants but they can work. They lift you up a little bit, lighten your mood and kick in the pants. But you have to help yourself too.

There is a mood disorder that you might want to read about: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyclothymia

I hope that you find a way out of the hell of depression. It is not a nice thing to have - understatement of the century.

[flobadob]

It's just a natural feeling to me me now. Like I just feel like dying would be brilliant and have done for years. So sad. And I am aware of that. A girlfriend and son who love me. Sorry. I need to do something sober but can't. Weird. Many a reminder set in my phone.

[flobadob]

Silly comment ah.

[Charisse]

Hello flobadob. Please talk to someone as you cannot deal with this by yourself.

Speak to your G.P. or call the Samaritans, they will not be judgemental and can help. You may also benefit from Al. Anon, there is no longer a stigma attached to seeking help, do so before it gets any worse for you.

Good Luck.

[ACtheTROLL]

agree with most of what's been said - but not anti-depressants unless you really have nowhere else to go
gps can be lazy and a 6 month "helper" can become a lifetime course.

you have to learn to cope - if you use drugs ... that's how you'll do it for the rest of your life

while you do sound clinically depressed to some extent ...

good times and bad times - do you get intense highs and lows?
generally that's one of the first things people talk about - and you haven't

I think its more a morbid fascination - and that can be due to other reasons - some types of epilepsy can cause fascinations (many nuns have a particular type that induces visions)

>>>I have been depressed and suicidal since I was 13

have you ever actually attempted to go through with it?
not wanting to exist is different to wanting to die

you say you don't want to pee off your parents .... that's actually very positive ... while you are thinking about other people's feelings YOU aren't at the center - and that's good - and you can form relationships - if you ever start to concentrate on yourself, and feelisolated - shout for help quick

you now you have to add your fiancee and child to the list - imagine how p'd off your son would be!!!!!

Is there any way to just deal with it without telling anyone that you have it?

NO

you can pull yourself together if your goldfish has just gone round the U bend of life ... but this is a little different

would you be asking if you could avoid having a dislocated shoulder fixed - or leave a broken leg without a pot ?

there is no shame - it's not a weakness - it's a medical condition like any other.

go get some help

[littlewren]

Hi flobadob. You are not alone! Clinical depression is very common. I have it and have been deeply suicidal at times. I hate pills, but know that when I am going downhill it's the only way to deal with it. It took my GP a long time to convince me, and I now know that she is right.

In a way, you are lucky because you recognise that you are depressed; many people are afraid to consider that as a possibility and it is very difficult to treat them.

Don't be afraid to get help from your GP, and don't worry that you might end up on pills for the rest of your life; it doesn't have to be like that. If you are suffering from a physical imbalance of chemicals in your brain, then this has to be addressed in order to get better.

If you also need to just talk to someone, the Samaritans are excellent - they are there to listen, NOT to give advice, so you can just offload as much as you need to, as often as you need to, and for as long as you need to. Give them a call and try them out, but don't expect to get urgings to go to the GP, etc. - they will regard that as not their place - they are their to LISTEN to you, not to push you off onto other people.

Please take your condition seriously and get it dealt with professionally. Struggling on alone is not the way to do it, although I understand your not wanting other people to know the nature of your condition; but anything you tell your doctor is confidential, and there is no reason why anyone else should know if you don't want them to.

What about your fiancee? If she knows about it then she can help to support you through it; if she doesn't know, then she won't understand any strange moods you may suffer from, etc., so it might really help the both of you if you can share it with her.

Take care, and please take the necessary steps to get treatment. Please come back and let us know how you are getting on; I, for one,

[littlewren]

ACthe TROLL:

I am afraid you are completely wrong about the pills. The correct medication can be a life-saver, and it doesn't have to be for the rest of someone's life, although they may need them from time to time - just as anyone with any other recurring medical condition will need treatment.

I should know - it was the right medication, after years of the wrong one, that finally got me right, and once I was stable I was able to come off them (very very gradually, though, so my system could adjust properly). But there are occasions when I get tipped downwards again and then I need to go back on them; if I try ignoring it, it just gets worse, so the medication works for me, when I need it. Most of the time

[ACtheTROLL]

little wren

first let me say you made some extremely good points in your first post

couple of points about the second - and I guess we'll have to agree to disagree

if the meds work for you - that's good - I hope they continue to help you - but that is no guarantee that they will work for someone else.

I did however say
not anti-depressants unless you really have nowhere else to go and I fully accept that IF they are needed they are valuable

GPs are lazy - and only a few really understand depression.
so they dole out ADs like they are sweets

most people go to their GP expecting to come away with a fix in a bottle and many GPs are more than happy to take this approach with depression - no confrontation or unwelcome news ... just a few tabs.... then a repeat prescription .......

depression can be for a range of reasons - redundancy, divorce, death, where there is a definite reason and no disposition to real depression.

most just need help through a bad patch - but some will become permanently depressed

then there are the depressives. and the range of reasons and conditions is immense
bi-polar - schizophrenics - epileptics(not the traditional fitting) etc etc

and each will respond in different ways to different drugs.

many bipolars just live with it because the drastic swings from up to down happen so quickly that there is no time to change meds ... creatives rely on the swings for inspiration
and in a way their talent becomes their therapy - although some loose the battle
others prefer the dulling chemical approach

epelepsy treatment can range from pills to brain surgery

what should happen in all is good assessment - by someone who knows what they are doing and who to refer to

[ACtheTROLL]

flob sounds to be depressive and not bi-polar
but I'd hate my opinion to be taken seriously based on a post to a bulletin board

the suicidal tendencies - is it just a feeling - or have there been attempts?

I don't want to know
(but it would be good in 6 months to get another post to fill in the gap)

the best advice here is for flob to seek help - to be assessed by a professional - and for a suitable course of treatment to be put into place.

from what has been said - the best result is that by admitting he needs help family is allowed in to understand, help and support through the bad times

[littlewren]

ACtheTROLL

"Not anti-depressants unless you have nowhere else to go" & "depression can be for a range of reasons"

Clinical depression doesn't have a "reason" - it is the body not being able to manufacture serotonin. So medication is the only option although, as additional backup, counselling can help - I have been waiting 8 months for my referral!!!

"GPs are lazy" - More likely overworked. With a depressive they have very few options. If referral to a psyciatrist and/or counsellor could be swiftly arranged, most would do so. But whilst waiting several months for this to materialise the patient has to be supported, stabilised and helped to cope. In the majority of reactive depression cases, by the time an appointment arrives the problem has been largely overcome, so ADs are the best choice to cover the short-term needs.

Unfortunately some weaker souls like the feeling such pills can produce, so they reach for them whenever life gets a little difficult. It's hard for a GP to refuse - because of the possible consequences that could backfire on them if they don't comply.

As far as I am aware, the medication for bi-polar is designed to keep sufferers on an even keel all the time; it isn't a question of switching from one pill to another depending on mood swings. I know one who won't take his medication because he feels it stops him functioning at all. And because he doesn't recognise when he is "high" (it's obvious to everyone else, but he just thinks he's being positive!) mayhem ensues and his family have to pick up the pieces and mollify the authorities so that he doesn't get deeper into trouble.

But perhaps you are better qualified on the medication of bi-polar?

I wasn't aware that either schizophrenia or epilepsy were classed as depressive illnesses!! However, I do know that both conditions can be so distressing that they often cause the sufferers to

[littlewren]

ACtheTROLL

I certainly wouldn't wan to make any kind of diagnosis based on a forum post either!! But assuming flob understands his condition correctly, I think it should be taken seriously. Whether or not he has made attempts at suicide is irrelevant; if he is having thoughts, then that is enough for it to be considered a danger.

Luckily, he has a family to help keep him focused, and I hope that he will be able to get the proper professional help to find a way to alleviate his suffering. He doesn't say what might have originally caused his depression from such an early age, so there's no way for us, as lookers-on, to know if it was initially a reaction to an overwhelming event which has never been properly resolved, or whether it is possibly a clinical depression with no obvious cause.

He's clearly in pain, so the Samaritans could help by just being there 24/7 for him to talk to on the phone when he feels the need.

But to really address his long-term condition he needs to pluck up the courage to talk to his GP and perhaps seek referral to a specialist.

[Whoever]

I think your first port of call should obviously be your GP although I imagine that if you've suffered from depression this long, you have already been down that route.
Depression can often set in as a result of feelings of lack of self worth and inadequacy and I wonder if you have explored this through counselling? And yes, depression can also be about selfishness because it forces you to look inwards rather than outwards and to concentrate on yourself rather than others. Having had a relative who has been depressed for years, I can testify that they are usually hell to live with and in the end, no matter how sympathetic those close to depressed individuals are, in the end patience with a continually negative person becomes exhausted. You just long to get away from their continued inactivity and seeming inability to be positive about anything. I think it would help if you could accept that you are largely responsible for how you feel in terms of adopting a positive attitude towards life and daily counting your blessings. This can be difficult to do if you've never trained yourself in positive thinking. A visit to the Self-Help section in your local library may unearth some very helpful reading that can hopefully set you off on a more positive journey. When you wake up every morning make a mental list of ten things in your life which count as a blessing. With a fiancee and a son you love dearly, this shouldn't be difficult. Don't allow yourself to make a negative list. See if your GP can get you some Cognative Behavioural Counselling. Put very simply, this is about training yourself to find positive attitudes rather than negative ones,and encouraging you to view your glass as being half full rather than half empty. You've been in this stage for far too long. Time to start getting positive, admitting you've got a problem and seeking some professional help.

.

[supersop60]

hi flobadob
2 suggestions - I agree with all the other posters who say talk to someone. The Samaritans are good because you can be anoymous.
Secondly, try exercise. An exboyfriend of mine got himself out of a long depression and near breakdown by cycling like a demon everyday. He started doing it to vent his supressed anger, but found that he actually started to feel better, got his appetite back, got a job and turned his feelings around.
good luck - you are not alone.