Feel like I don't belong...

[jennyjen02]

For a while now I've just felt like I don't belong anywhere.

I HATE the general university culture. Basically everyone I know at university is just obsessed with alcohol and clubbing, it's just not my scene! They seem to have no real passion for anything, just getting drunk. I wish I could fit in, but I just can't. :(

I really like myself for being different, I just wish I could find more people my age who are the same. I just want some friends in my university that I can relate to in the same way I can relate to a couple of my friends here at home.

I've never had a boyfriend, and feel like I'll never meet anyone I'd be happy to start a relationship with., except for one guy, but he's gay. Am I being stupid for worrying that I'll never meet someone? I suppose it will just happen. I'm just lost.

[Pigletion]

Don't worry Jen, I felt exactly the same at Uni.

To be honest the whole "student scene" never appealed, I already had many friends from before uni (same friends I have now 10 years on, yes, have had a 10yr uni career!) and found a lot of others really immature. However, it did mean I was lonely during term time, even when out getting drunk!

However, in my second year I started playing rugby (which I realise may not be for everyone), but it really helped. The team was a complete bunch of misfits, yet lots of them have become very good friends and stayed so. Joining a club or society means you don't have to conform, so you can just be you, and you get to meet people who you may not otherwise bump into. Also people who you think you have nothing in common with, you'll be surpised to find out you do.

As your course is going well, just look out for opportunities to meet other people. It takes a while, particularly as in your first year you're all shoved together, but you will find real friends when novelty of the first year starts to wear thin. I have a lot more close friends that I acquired through rugby (either as players,or friends of players etc) than those who I was in halls with or who did my course.

Getting a job or joining a society gives you access to a much wider network of people. You may find one person who you get on with, then they'll introduce you to their current friends etc. etc.

Don't worry about boyfriends, they're like buses - none for ages then three come along at once!

[jadeymodel]

Hi Jennyjen,

I too am at uni and have the same problem. Everyone on my course used to sit and bitch and party all the time. Like you I hated that, but I stuck it through and you get used to it.

You dont need to 'fit in' to be liked, try seeing uni as a place you go to learn. Purse your social life outside uni. Join classes you like and soon you'll meet people with different interests. Its hard when you dont feel like you fit in, especially when it can affect performance of work, like when working in a team. Just try, as best as you can to make a little effort with them during uni time, for sake of your work. Its not nice to feel unwanted and everyone has an inner desire to be liked by someone, or feel wanted or accpeted in some kind of way. I suffered like you during my first year. Things got better and I did meet a few nice people, who like me, enjoy studying, reading and dont party all the time.

As for men? haha, well they suck. Dont let that get you down. Fufil your dreams in life...dont let a man get you down.

xxx Jadey xxx

[Brinjal]

Hi Jen,
Gosh you sound just like my 20year old daughter. She doesnt fit in with the clubbing boozing dope smoking crowd either and to top it all she is far from home amd where she grew up.
You will have to find something that you like to do and join a club or group. This doesnt necessarily have to be at uni.
As regards to a boyfriend that will come in time when you are happy in yourself. Remember no one else can make you happy. You have to get to terms with who you are and be content with yourself first. My daughter is drop dead gorgeous (even if i do say so myself) she has had boyfirends but all have led to heartbreak and has decided that for now she doesnt have room for that kind of relationship as is just trying to make friends. I wish you luck and remember you dreams are important hang onto them work towards what you want and dont worry about all the shallow people that you will meet on your lifes journey