getting over partner leaving me for someone else.

[imajenarry]

how do you get over being cheated on/left for someone else. me and fiance had been together just under 5 years and have a 3 yr old son together.i don't know for sure if there was anything sexual going on but i know my ex was spending a lot of time with another girl without me knowing and i now know that it had been going on since december if not before. :0( The thing is he moved out with the opening line "just to put your mind at rest there isn't someone else but i need to sort out how i feel about us" that was nearly 2 months ago now. i have worked out for myself that he had an interest in this girl and have confronted him about it a week after he left but he said and is still saying that there is nothing going on between them-they just meet up for a drink occasionally. (he's prob saying that in case he gets spotted with her anywhere) but i suspect he is actually seeing her and has been since he left if not before.i've been finding this all very hard and seem to spend most of the day and night thinking about it-how it's happened,why it's happened and wondering bout incidents in the past-trying to piece things together because i feel i need to work things out to get some closure.any ideas how i can do this without the answers i need from my ex. i think he's too much of a coward to come clean about the whole thing even tho he's moved out and ended things. we do still have to see each other because he comes to see our 3 yr old son. i've given him openings to come clean but he hasn't taken them.

[albaqwerty]

jeez pause for breath

be pleasant to him when he visits child and leave it at that

[imajenarry]

i'm sorry. this is what it's like in my head and has been for weeks. :o(

[albaqwerty]

goodbye girl has it spot on. do NOT let him see how much he has and is hurting you/ keep strong (easier said than done I know) for your son and look after yourself. x

if you need to rant on here just do it. please ..

there are some wise peeps on this site that can and will give you words of comfort and a kick up the bahookie if needed :)

[tamborine]

Change your thinking to 'he aint worthy of you or your son'!

The fact he has caused you doubts is his problem so dont waste time/energy on further exploration of causes.

Be strong for your son and move on & fill your lives elsewhere. Disregard partner as non-existant/dead/extinct & never let him disrupt your son & your life again. You dont need him!

[Charisse]

How awful for you, you poor thing. I believe that you are better off in the long run, you may not think that now but it is true.

He not only cheated on you, but has cheated his son out of having his father present and that is unforgiveable.

I do hope that you are able to make a better life without this idiot.

I wager that he will come crawling back when he realises that you do not need him and have moved on.

Be strong and remember the hurt and humiliation that he has inflicted on you as "once a cheater always a cheater".

[NoMercy]

The reason he is lying to you about the other woman, is so that if things don't work out between him and her, he can just come back to you as though nothing ever happened. When he next comes to visit, get dressed up as though you were going out for a fancy meal, and let him think you have a baby sitter coming round, and that you're off on a special date. See what he thinks of that !!!

Meanwhile, keep your chin up. xx

[Charisse]

Why should she pretend in order to make him jealous NM?

Playing games like that will not help her or her son.

[NoMercy]

Imajen - don't worry, as I am not suggesting that you play games. What I am suggesting is that you go all out to stop him seeing how much you're hurting. If he thinks you are getting on with your own life, it may show him that he cannot just walk out and waltz back into your life whenever he pleases.... ie... you will not just sit tight and wait for him to get over his little crisis.

Hope things work out for you !

Charisse - don't bother talking to me anymore. When are you going to get it thru your thick skull, that I want nothing to do with you !! That was the last reply, btw...

[ummmm]

Do you want him back?

[Dina73]

Why should you spend all this time worrying about him and why this happened? He obviously didn't give a thought about your feelings. You are the victim here. He has treated you like sh!t.
Be cool when he calls to see your Son, leave them alone together and you go off into another room and do something else. Show him that you are managing quite well without him.
let him get on with the life he has chosen, and hopefully he will realise what a mistake he has made.

you deserve better than to be treated like this, by this selfish man.

[ummmm]

I don't agree.

Let him know how much he's hurt you but at the same time be strong and do not let someone treat you in a way you do not want to be treated.

I've been in your position and believe me.....you'll be ok in the end. Let yourself grieve for what you've lost and you'll come out the other end a stronger person.

[NoMercy]

The thing is Ummmm, if he sees she is hurting, he will think that she still wants him back, and that he has her place as a bolt hole if things go wrong with this other woman. If he thinks she is impassive, he may think twice about messing her about, and realise what he had all along.

I had a 12 turbulent years with my ex, and whenever one of us said, "It's over", I would hurt like hell. He revelled in it when he saw me hurting, but could not stand it if he saw me going out and having a laugh !! If ever I went out with my mates, he'd get all romantic and start booking fancy restaurants and buying me flowers.

[ummmm]

It's early days though NM.

She can do what you suggest after she's grieved.

[NoMercy]

Yes, you're right Ummmm. It all depends on whether imajen wants the lousy so and so back. If she does, I recommend she goes all out to make him think that she's getting on with her life, and that he only has X amount of time to make his mind up...

[ummmm]

She shouldn't take him back. Unless she wants to post this question again in a few years time.

[ReallyLegend]

Is Charisse a good person to take advice from?
Shes on her second marriage so could have been her fault ?

Shes recovering from skin cancer , but tells me i should spend more time in the sun ?


She says velvetee is a fantasist and invented her baby as she had the gestation of an elephant.

She follows no mercy saying shes fat and abuses her.


Really this woman need to go for a long walk off a short pier before her delusions get the better of her .

[imajenarry]

emotions are hard. it's like they completely bypass the brain and you are just acting a certain way and you're not even sure why. when i think about things i know we weren't happy and a distance had grown between us over the past couple of years because we had very different priorities. but my heart is grieving so much because i really thought he was the one that i would stay with forever and we would be a happy family when we had our little boy . but the reality has been much different . so now all he seems to do is lie to me and i wonder how much of our 5 years together was a lie.i wonder why he's not being straight with me bout the other person and i don't know how to move on right now. the betrayal is the worst thing to get over and if he actually showed me some respect by admitting it to me i think i would be able to get some closure.

[craft1948]

I'd been with my first husband for 12 years and suspected him of having affairs without proof, but as I didn't trust him I asked him to leave. After a short time and great pressure from my daughter and mother-in-law I agreed to try again and took him back. However, things were never the same and 5 years down the line we split for good. Before we split I questioned him about a certain lady and he denied everything, which is quite ironic considering they are now married. I just wish I'd never agreed to take him back and wasted 5 years of my life.

[coccinelle]

No matter what happened over those five years you've got a lovely 3 year old son, so it wasn't a lie. One day, you'"ll want this chapter in your life to end and one of the best things to do is move house (I don't know how easy that would be for you) so your ex won't feel he's coming back 'home' and if he fancies, picking up from where he left off, but he'd on new territory, yours! The future might be a bit frightening at the moment but just take each day as it comes and get lots of walking and fresh air; both beneficial for your son and you.