What should I do?

[Lorzy Lor]

Hey all, ok, so I've been married for 9 yrs, we have a beautiful boy that's 2. We have had ups and downs in our relationship, but it got worse when our little one was born. However over the last 6 mths it's been worse!

Something really sh*t happened to me and I've been trying to cope with it, I kept it from my hubby for 2 wks, as I didn't know how to tell him, he went away during this time for a wkend with a mate. When he got back I told him, it was awful, but he was hurt I didn't tell him, but supportive and I thought alls cool!

Anyway, a few wks later I find out that he had a thing with a girl whilst away, and was in contact with her for over two wks after hegot back, pursuing a relationship with her! Whist supporting me and telling me we're together forever.... We managed to get over that, though I was very hurt and now have a trust issue!

Anyway, I nearly lefthim and said that he wasn't to give his, or get any email adds off girls whist out And maintain contact, unless I knew etc etc.... He was cool with that and wanted our relationship more than ever.

So, I was not 100% ok with him going to NYC on a boys hol, but let him. Whilst he was there I found out that other girls were on hol with them, wasn't v happy, but what could I do? So when he got back I Asked him if he would be in contact with any of the ladies away, he said no. Cool I thought.....

This morning I find an email from him to a girl saying he liked meeting her, shame they didn't spend longer together, On the sat nite and gave her his email add, should she like to make contact (this wasn't one of the girls away with them), WTF????!!!!?? I don't get it! Why?

What should I do? Any suggestions?

Thanks and sorry for bleating on and on! X

[coccinelle]

Something that I don't quite understand here. You've been married 9 years and have a 2 year old son and your husband goes away for weekends and holidays with mates, why don't you go with him? He's living a single man's life while away so no wonder he's distracted by all these women.

[karma22]

He had a thing with a girl whilst away, you found out, you nearly left him but gave him a second chance if he promised not to email girls etc. unless you knew about it, you let him go on a boys holiday, then he comes back and is emailing a girl he met over there saying he wishes they had spent more time together.

He can't be that sorry for the first time he hurt you if he broke the promise to you so quick.

How did he react when you found the email? Does he know you found it? He should be being very apologetic and reassuring

[rinkins]

Sorry Lor probably not what you want to hear but once the trust is gone that's it for me. I'd be outta there.

And don't apologise you haven't done anything wrong x

[Lorzy Lor]

Think I'm being a bit of a mug! Friends have commented he leads a single ish life! But we've always been relaxed and let eachother do what we want , but it's way more him now!

He doesn't know about me knowing about the latest one! Crap crap crap! He isn't all bad, he does make me happy, but, god I don't know! We're waiting for a space with relaite, but we need it now! God what to do!!! :(

[karma22]

Relates a good idea as it does sound like you need to have a proper talk and let him know that you think things have become too relaxed and you want a bit more commitment etc. from him.

Like rinkins says it really comes down to the issue of trust. You won't trust him now, maybe not trust him fully ever again so its just a question of whether you can live with that and only time will tell.

[DerWangler]

Jeezus christ its only sex! Turn a blind eye at his cheating and i think hell realise that your one in a million and stay with you wholst he cheats, REMEMBER TO TELL HIM... its only cheating if you dont know about it ! (so his honesty in who and when hes cheating is key!

Good luck and god bless!

[coccinelle]

It might be the time to sit down together and discuss these single holidays away from home; State you've got a son now and for his sake you should be both there and not living seperate lives. You never know, this might be the excuse he's looking for to tell his mates why he'll be no longer going on these trips. Good luck!

[lil75]

He makes you happy???!!!

What spending weekends away clearly with other women I know what I would do...send him flying out the door with a couple of black eyes....seriously!

[Lorzy Lor]

Obviously this aspect doesnt make me happy! I don't know if anything actually happened with this girl, but I guess that's not the point!

My friend said I should just ask him outright if he really wants to be married to me, I know he'll say yes, but then point out that he's not helping himself, or me by doing this stuff!

[Lorzy Lor]

He doesn't make me as happy as he used to, but isn't that the same with all Long term relationships?

[Bbbananas]

You have a trust issue?
I'm not surprised love.

You're worth more than this. Give him an ultimatum and stick to it, cos he's taking the pi55.

[lil75]

Sorry if I sounded harsh, but as sallabananas said, he is taking the pi55 out of you big time....

You should ask him how he would react if you were to behave in the same way....sounds like he expects you to play little wifey whilst hes out living a single mans life, seriously not fair to you or your son. Point out to him that the time spent with these women that mean nothing to him could be precious time spent with his son who im assuming he loves.

[Evilninja]

You say something happened to you, and you are trying to deal with it.

You told him eventually, but what you dont say is what happened.

The only reason i ask, is does it affect the both of you?

I am not trying to defend him, but there always 2 sides to a story....