Missing my Mum

[Naomicorlett]

Woke at 2am this morn . My mum died at this time 2 years ago after a very bad time . Got up and lit a candle . Very tearful this morn. I am a coper and don't show how I feel so why am I upset that neither OH or daughter said anything this morn?

[Panic Button]

We each grieve in different ways, and there is a gender difference too in the case of the OH.

I am a man. I was and still am very sad at the death of my father, but I am afraid that the anniversary of his death passes each year without me realising.

Their apparent indifference doesn't mean they don't care.

[haysi06]

Naomicorlett, my heart goes out to you xx I think that different people deal with their grief in different ways and do not always show how they're feeling. It must be upsetting for you and I can empathise and sympathise. That's a lovely gesture to light a candle and you know that your mum is still 'with' you in your heart. Take care Hxx

[365058bet]

So sorry for your loss Naomi.. I lost my mum over 20 years ago but as the date nears I feel as if it were yesterday,, I also light a candle and find it gives me peace.. are your family even aware of the date?? Mine only realise when they see the candle burning.. my thoughts are with you I Know how you are feelingxx

[sara3]

Naomi, don't be so hard on yourself. 2 years is a very short time, and all the birthdays and anniversaries are especially difficult. it's more your tragedy than anyone else's, so make it a day for your thoughts.

take it easy and try to concentrate on your happy memories x

[Kleiber]

Bless you. I know how you feel. It's coming up to the 4th anniversary of my dear husband's death and I always get quite depressed at this time of year.
Keep smiling and coping (your Mum wouldn't want to see you sad) and think of the happy times. Those we love never leave us. Love, K xx

[Naomicorlett]

Thank you all for your support. I will be good to myself today. My dad died 16 months ago he lived with us for 15 years , my parents were divorced many years ago. I am just so sad today and miss them both so much.

[Sqad]

Panic Button is spot on.

Your dead mother is no relation to your OH I presume and your daughter's relation is unknown, in other words, their relationship might well be tenuous and their reaction normal.

If it helps:
I was brought up by my grandad and grandma and when they died, I didn't grieve

Biological mother died.....I didn't grieve.

Father died (never met him) i didn't grieve.

I think that grieving or lack of it may well be linked to religion, gender and familiarity.

[ummmm]

I think grieving is linked to an individual person, and the relationship, bonding and love they shared.

2 years is nothing. My Dad died in Feb 08 and when the first anniversary came round it still only felt like a few months :-(

[smudge]

Good morning Naomi - I really do understand how you're feeling.

I lost my parents in 1994 & 1996 - not a day goes by when I don't think of them. I have a photo of them together with me as a baby & I light a candle by the side of it nearly every night. Mind you, I love candles & have them everywhere.

I've had lots of lovely dreams about them in the past, with us all being together, but then wake up to find we're not.

But they will always be in my heart, as will your dear Mum.

Take care, smudge. -xx-

[bigmamma]

Hello Naomi , 2 years is no time honey , I lost my mother nearly 4 years ago and each anniversary still saddens me .
Big hugs xxx

[KBH]

There's nothing wrong with allowing a chink in your coping armour - and you can't expect other people to be mind-readers especially if they are not 'good in the morning'. Your OH and daughter love you, as your parents loved you. It may be that the grief of losing both your parents so close together is now finally allowing itself out - personally speaking my father died in 1996 and his mother died two years later. It was at her funeral I cried for my father, not his - I couldn't then, I had to deal with all the paperwork and family politics and cope.

Take care of yourself and allow yourself to be sad - time is a kind healer.

[marval]

There is nothing wrong with being tearful, it is a natural reaction to a loss. I think you possibly feel a little sad also because you feel alone. Sometimes we just want someone to realise we are having a bad time on this particular day. I lost my Mum February 09, I still have tearful moments. My husband seems to have the ability to just carry on, I can't. I don't know what it will be like on the aniversary, but I expect it will be a sad day.

My thoughts are with you, keep the good memories in your heart.

[filthiestfis]

I feel for you too. My dad passed away in march this year and I get flashbacks to the day and event surrounding it every single day.
Christmas this year is going to be especially hard as I freshly remember last xmas giving him the barometer that he had always wanted and how he was already feeling ill with the cancer. I had no idea that he would be gone 3 months later.
I think that the best thing to do is to go to your mum's place of rest on her anniversary and birthday and spend some time there talking to her. It is therapeutic.

[LoftyLottie]

We all grieve in different ways. My memories of people I cared for are within me and I don't need any photos etc., specific dates or special places to think of them. Actually it's music most of all that reminds me of people. Their memories will just never leave me.

We can't judge others by the way we are. Some people show their emotions openly and others cant or might not, like me, relate back to birthdays, Christmas, etc. So please don't think badly of your OH or daughter.

I hope things get easier for you.

[ummmm]

It's my Dads birthaday today :-(

[langara]

On the anniversary of close relations deaths or birthdays, I always pick flowers from my garden, it sort of nudges the rest of the family into why I have picked them. We British are too stiff upper lipped to show all our emotions worse luck. Our thoughts are with you Naomi

[Naomicorlett]

Thank you all. Daughter who is away rang thro just to make sure I was ok. My mum was ill for years with Altzheimers and so the children didn't really know her as a Nana although she kept her her strong and loving personality to the bitter end. Ah well we struggle on...... Thanks again and sorry for not giving you all stars you know you deserve them.

[smudge]

Just got back in & thought I'd see how you are Naomi...

I do hope you're feeling a bit better this evening & have a peaceful nights sleep.

I shall enjoy the images of my loved ones in my head & in my heart, along with my photo's.

Nite, nite, -xx-

[Mamyalynne]

Naomi my love, allow yourself to feel this way it is only natural, we each grieve in our own ways and various things can set us on the weepy path.

I am slightly dreading next week as it brings the first anniversary of the death of my darling Husband, I was so helped by the kindness if all on here, I do not know how I will mark the day until it arrives.

Sleep well my love and dream of the happy times with your beloved Mum

Mamya ♥

[Naomicorlett]

Thank you all.