Why is she getting morbid

[YUMMYMUM3010]

My sister had a baby 8 months ago (first baby), and for some reason has become a bit morbid. Keeps asking me if anything happens to her and her hubby will I look after my nephew and bring him up as my own... I dont know why she is getting like this, she has a lovely life, good job, no money worries and a loving family. Of course I love my nephew to bits and would bring him up, as she would my child. Am getting worried about her? Any advice would be appreciated. Am hoping its just her hormones?? We are both in our early 30's.

[joannie10]

no experience in this but perhaps it is just the responsibility hitting her and she wants to be sure you guys have spoken about it - although she should put it in a will to ensure her wishes are taken into account incase anything does happen. Just keep reassuring her and hopefully it will pass soon. Does she seem ok some of the time?

[andy-hughes]

It's probably a mixture of post-natal hormones, combined with the enormity of the responsibility for another life which is now become a reality.

It is perfectly normal for new parents to feel like this. No-one gives you a book with the instructions, you have to learn as you go, so the pressure can be pretty intense, ans i am sure you know.

Some people simply worry more than others. I am sure if you reassure your sister she will get past this phase and start enjoying her new baby instead of his future without her.

[Gnawer]

What andy said^^^^^^^

[YUMMYMUM3010]

Yes she seems fine. We are a very close family but she just seems a bit insecure at the moment and I dont know why, has a lovely husband, a good job to go back to after maternity leave. But has started ringing me at work randomly asking me things like that. It just shocks me I think.

[Gnawer]

Yummymum, I thought it would just come up in conversation, But if your saying she phones you up just to ask you that then i find that very odd, I dont know anything about Post Natal Depression, But if she becomes more erratic or deppressed, then it might not be a bad idea to take her to the doctors just to make sure everythings fine!

[YUMMYMUM3010]

I was contemplating talking to her husband about it. But would not want her to know, as things we tell each other are always between just the two of us, so would not want to break our trust.

[Gnawer]

Put aside some time for her and maybe go to hers or vice versa and have a real long talk, Not particularly about this, that way you may get an idea whether its really nothing or whether she's suffering from a form of Post Natal Deppression, if she is feeling down then like i said go with her to her gp's and nip this thing in the bud.

[redcrx]

If there is any reason to believe that she may have PND, then keeping it between the two of you may be difficult.

I would certainly have a quiet word with her husband, you dont have to mention exactly what shes said, but ask if he is concerned at all as well.

PND is more common than we think, mild PND can be treated without drugs too so dont be afraid to talk to someone if you are worried.

[Robinia]

Sounds like it could be post natal depression...it's not something that only happens immediately after a baby's born, it can creep on much later, even up to a year later.
Could you gently say that you've noticed she's not like her old self & would she like to go to talk to the doctor...could you go with her maybe? It's best not to wait until she's really down & becomes more difficult to reason with.

[what..the?]

I'm not a mother yet, but I would not worry I am sure being a mother for the first time is a big shock to the system you worry about everything, and esp with babies being so helpless she must think 'what if'

As long as she is not talking about this all the time, she is just laying it down in your mind and her's so she can relax and sleep at night.

If she continues to talk about it make sure you sit down with her to talk about it, show her that you are serious about it and that you will do as you say. I think if she keeps bringing it up it's because she worried, does not know 100% or questions it in her own mind. Maybe she keeps saying it in passing or you've been doing something while she's been talking. Sit down and make it clear.

[4getmenot]

just seems to me before her baby she was her sole responsibility but obviously now and I guess any new mother would feel like this she knows that she is responsible for not just herself anymore and she is just making sure everything would be ok if anything happened.

[redcrx]

i think you need to decide is shes thinking more about this than is necessary.

When i had my kids, yes i did consider what would happen to them should anything happen to me and Mr CRX, thought about my will etc. Perfectly normal thing to do, babies are a sudden change to your life and such a responsibility. You worry about their future, its normal

a friend of mine had her child at the same time. She would lie in bed awake at night thinking about death of family and her child, even to the point of crying quietly and planning what the funeral would be like, whilst her husband slept next to her unaware of what was goinf through her mind. It took her months before she faced up to the fact that she needed to talk to someone.

[naomi24]

That just comes from being a loving mother, and I really don't think you have anything to worry about. Suddenly she has found herself responsible for this precious little life, and loving this child more than she has ever loved anyone, and that's a feeling that no one can imagine until it happens to them. She simply wants to reassure herself that, no matter what happens, her baby will always be safe, secure, and loved. I've been there myself - I had thoughts exactly like that - and I remember it very well.

She sounds like a lovely, caring and thoughful mum to me.

[YUMMYMUM3010]

AAh Naomi thats lovely - has brought a tear to my eye. I think you are right, she is a very loving caring person and this is the reason I think she just loves baby so much, we all do. Yes I am sure I went through a stage when my child was a baby of worrying unnecessarily about silly things lying awake at night worrying who would look after her if I was ill etc. Thanks so much for your comments have really helped.

[naomi24]

You're welcome Yummymum. x

[pericat]

It strikes me that maybe because you have more experience as a mother she may be looking to you for reassurance and guidance

[zzxxee]

as its her first baby you do tend to overly worry about the future shes just looking out for her child nothing more nothing less x