Down's Syndrome

[daffy654]

I have just read a report about the increase in 'Down's Syndrome pregnancies' on the BBC website and am interested in what the female ABers would do if they were pregnant and were told the unborn child had Down's Syndrome.
There has been a decrease in the amount of babies born with Down's Syndrome due to more parents/mothers deciding to terminate the pregnancy.
I would not have aborted but that is just my personal choice.
What would you do in this situation?


http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8327228.stm

[China Doll]

I was having this discussion with some friends a couple of weeks back actually. We went backwards and forwards a lot but several glasses of red later I think the upshot was that they would keep the baby and I would teminate.

[B00]

I think i'd have to abort...i think.

To be honest, I dont think anyone would be able to answer that question until they're faced with it, and luckily I never have and never will, but looking at it from my none pregnancy state now i'd say that I couldn't cope with the emotional heartache having such a child would bring.

also, is it fair to bring a child like that into the world?

[ummmm]

Thinking about it I don't think I would continue with the pregnancy but if I was in that situation who knows....

[Ankou]

i have known many ds children and their families and know how rewarding but difficult it can be.

the only thing i would advocate in this circumstance is the right to choose. some people just can't find it within themself to cope with raising a child with ds, and some people can't cope with the idea of abortion.

as a man i would encourage and support the womans decision whichever way it went. knowing my wife i know which way she would go and i wouldn't try to persuade her from that, just support her throughout.

[pericat]

I think if I had an abortion the 'what ifs' would be too big for me to cope with afterwards

[daffy654]

Down's Syndrome is one of those conditions that varies from severe to mild,unfortunately it is impossible to say during pregnancy which the baby has.
Most babies born with Down's go on to live very long and happy lives these days. I have had a lot to do with children with Down's from when my son went to a special school where many of the children had Down's and they were all lovely children.Of course they have problems with learning and some have health problems but that doesn't make them any less valuable to their parents. I do understand that some parents feel they won't cope but is that down to lack of knowledge of the condition or just the fact that we all want to have 'perfect' children?

[China Doll]

The friends I was discussing it with are both religious and so they came at if from that angle. One in particular thinks abortion is wrong in anything other than extreme cases and the other just doesn't think she could bring herself to do it and everything happens for a reason etc... Personally, I just don't have the patience, tolerence or self sacrificing nature.

It would be different if I had a child and something happened to them in life that required a similar kind of care and attention a downs syndrome child needs, I can deal with that. But knowing from the outset what the likely course of my future and the childs is going to be and the quality of life I will have... I'm not prepared to go through that. Ultimately I'm too selfish.

I sincerely hope it's not a decision I ever have to make.

[sara3]

the problem is that this happens more for older mothers. personally, I think I'd be too tired to cope with a child with special needs now.

however, if I'd never had children and it might be my last chance, I'd probably go for it.

[4getmenot]

I would abort. They dont have a full life at all. My friend had to abort a baby due to Edwards Syndrome, this is one that triple test will check for. And she was in her early 20's. She knew baby would have no life and it was best thing to do

[yinyang]

I know the tests for Down's and other conditions are generally fairly accurate but I know 2 women who were given the option of terminating their pregnancy based on test results and went on to give birth to perfectly healthy babies.

even with this in mind, I don't know if I'm strong enough a person to cope with a child with Down's; but I'm not sure I could go through with a termination either. I agree with Boo that this is one of these things that you can't say what you would do without being in the situation.

[k8bailey]

I work with people who have DS, so it's hard for me to say that I would terminate the pregnancy if it were me, because I feel like I'm saying that the people I know are mistakes, but I'm young and have one healthy child so I feel that it would be unfair to her. I'm sure it's not the life that anyone imagines when they find out they are pregnant.

I'm not suprised that there as been an increase in DS pregnancies though, because the average of 1st time mothers is much higher than it used to be.

[daffy654]

13 years ago I was surprised to find out I was pregnant for the third time,I had a non-eventful pregnancy and all tests taken came back clear.I gave birth to a healthy boy and all was well .......until he failed to reach certain 'milestones'. He didn't babble during the time they are supposed to and still hadn't uttered a single recognisable word by the age of two,in fact he was four years old before that happened.
There are many learning disabilities that are undetectable during pregnancy and my son has one of them(Asperger's Syndrome). Before having my son I would also have thought I couldn't cope with the extra pressure of having a 'special' child but i've amazed myself with how I have coped.

I am glad that women in the UK have the freedom to choose whether to continue with a pregnancy or not.!

[Ankou]

daffy, i don't think it is really fair to say that a ds child is considered as 'less valuable' to those who would teminate.

it is more about the social, psychological and physical aspect of providing for a ds child - or any child for that matter, but children born with such sydromes are more or less 'children' for life and this places a tremendous pressure on the parents when they become older. some can face that life, some feel they can't, although without the choice i suspect many who believe they couldn't would find the resolve.

as i said it is about personal choice, and i am not really one for disparaging people for making personal choices about their life that i feel uncomfortable with, unless it actually affects me personally

[China Doll]

Taking it a bit further daffy (and I hope you won't take offense at this as it's not meant), if I knew you could test for autism, I would probably also terminate the pregnancy. I know a few people with children with autism of varying severity and while I admire how they cope, I don't think I could. Again, this is a reflection of my selfish nature and not of the parents or the children. I'm really not trying to cause offence.

You'll probably be pleased to know I have no plans for children in the near future!

[daffy654]

I won't deny that it is much harder work looking after a child who is disabled in any way. It takes over every aspect of your life to some degree and can be soul destroying too at times.
My fiance found it very hard to bond with our son due to the fact he couldn't communicate with him in the normal way.

I would not judge any family who chose to terminate!

[Ankou]

unless they just wanted 'perfect' children ?

[cazzz1975]

I wouldnt judge a parent either way, whetever decision that they made, I have 2 severely disabled sons, I would still have continued with the pregnancy.

[daffy654]

I think you have taken that aspect of my post out of context Ankou. Everybody wants their unborn child to be perfect,myself included.

[B00]

We could argue that we are genetically programmed to have and care for "perfect" children.

Most animals will deliberately kill or fail to feed an offspring that is not perfect.

[Ankou]

not criticising you daffy, just looking for clarity. the idea that some parents might terminate a disabled child because it is not 'perfect' is a very real and existent situation. but i think you should deduce from the responses above that it is the quality of lives that would be lived that is the main consideration. we can judge them based on our own views and experiences. we dont like selfish, we are slefish like that.

as i said, if the choice was removed, you would either have a load of parents with ds kids that they adored and thought were perfect or institutions that were full of unwanted disabled children. it is absolutelysad to say it, but i would rather the choice to abort.

we say we wouldn;t judge them but human nature dictates we will do so, against our own ethical and moral standards. this is not something you should feel guilty about unless you are standing outside their front door trying to effect their personal decision.