ooohh no he's texted me now what do i do?

[baggysenior]

after 8 weeks of no contact, which was really hard work and beneficial to my recovery, my ex has texted me!!!!.RAH i don't know if im happy or dissappointed. Basically it was a long text saying he has thought of me every day. he has lovely memories of 'us' he's deeply sorry for hurting me and begs for my forgiveness. He texted me at 3pm and i havent replied. Why did he choose to text now??? just when i was feeling better and looking forward to socialising and celebrating the festive season! My head says dont you dare text, my heart says... ..well you know what my heart says. Is he just texting me to clear his guilty conscience perhaps?

[cazzz1975]

maybe he is feeling guilty, however if he was genuine he would have done it earlier especially as he has been "thinking of you everyday"

maybe he feels like he is losing his power over you and has momentarily panicked and texted you??

you have done so well up to now, remember the downs, I have no doubt he is looking for an opportunity to weedle his way in again and turn you back into being heavily dependant on him, he is losing control and wants to get it back. for now I wouldnt reply until you get lots of advice and have a good think

[baggysenior]

thanks cazzz1975, i can always rely on you. your advice is good and i will do just as you say. :)

[Postdog]

Sometimes it isn't always as black and white as a split might seem. The splitter can be just as hurt inside as the splitee (new word invented there). Make up by all means, but at the back of your mind always remember being close didn't work before, so it might never. Doesn't stop you being mates and civil to each other. I'm good friends with 2 ex's I see, a few more on facebook, and take the view that the good got from knowing them is worth more than them just not being there anymore. I hope you understood that - even I had problems.

[foodluva]

Baggy,

I've been following your story although I haven't contributed so far. But I have to agree with Cazzz! He has lost control and wants to regain it. But this is a massive triumph for you because this now leaves you in full control. It's now up to you whether you want to entertain him or not. Whatever you decide, let him sweat it for a while. God knows, you've had to!

Good luck!

[baggysenior]

thanks guys, what nice people you are. I have taken on board what you've all said, and if i do text him back i certainly will make him sweat foodluva!! ;)

[sue11]

Hi baggy, I have not followed your story, but I think I have the gist of it here by some of the responses. It seems that your ex is playing power games. At the moment as foodluva says you have the upper hand by him 'breaking' first and texting you. But as soon as you respond you hand the 'power' back to him as a: you have shown him that you care enough to make a response and b: you will then be in the position of waiting for him to respond further to you.
My advice would be that the best way to deal with this is to simply not respond at all. This should send a message that he is no longer important enough for him to be in your day to day thoughts and feelings.
It seems that you have done very well to get on with your life, don't run the danger of letting him ruin it again by invading your head and emotions!
Best of luck
Sue

[China Doll]

Delete it. If he missed you that much and was that sorry he'd at least call. Just get it gone.

[marykay]

i agree with Her Highness, China, She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed, Doll, if he is truly sorry he should have called. If he thought anything of you at all he wouldn't have stopped all contact with you in the first place. Time to move on. Don't waste anymore time on him. Been in your situation recently , (was engaged and wedding organised, fiance walked out with no explanation) and although its been tough, tougher than anything i've ever had to deal with before i'm a stronger person now because i faced up to the truth (eventually)!. "If he loved you he would't have treated you like this!" Wise words my dad gave me. Hopefully you too will wake up and smell the coffee like i did! Hope you have good friends, i wouldn't have gotten through this without my friends and my family x x

[jno]

if i do text him back i certainly will make him sweat

No way. If you seriously want him back, take him, but don't make him sweat; that's no basis for a relationship.

But I think Her Highness, China, She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed, Doll's advice makes most sense (not for the first time)

[jno]

looks like CD has offended one of the AB techies...

[ummmm]

Personally I would text back saying 'who is this'

[lil123]

REMEMBER why you split up in the first place and that it's HIS needs he's trying to meet.
You have done so well and your statement of 'just when I was feeling better and looking forward to socialiasing and celebrating the festive season.'
If you have him back, it will quickly be back to how it was before and is that what you really want ??
P.S - I hope you bought that party dress I advised !!! Go out and live your new life with out him, you deserve so much better, take it from someone who has been where you are many, many times and come out the other side !!

[jno]

ummmm: I disagree. If she texts him back, she's involving herself again, and it'll be that much harder to break free. If she wants to break free, she should just delete.

[TTG]

He wants to get his leg over.

Ignore the message and move on.

[brenda]

Forget him , delete the text and move on with your life.Otherwise you will end up in the same place as you were..

[karenmac60]

Christmas is coming up and he doesn't want to spend it alone. Don't be his crutch - move on and be happy.

[lil123]

I also found out yesterday that my ex had beat his girlfriend up which clarified even more to me how right I was not to go back to him when I feeling like you are with your ex.
I have been feeling so proud of myself and celebrating the fact that I will never have a Xmas or a new year again with how it was with him.
Enjoy your new life and get out there in that party dress !!!