Valentines day

[Thunderchild]

ok here goes, Valentines day is a comming up fast and yes "there is this girl" now we both belong to the same social club and although I've asked her out often nothing has never come of it, I've never had a yes but never had a no either. I think she may be interested but a bit shy (although getting much more takative lately).

Now i have lived abroad for my teens and early 20's so frankly it's like I've spent my life on another planet. In the UK is valentines day more like the thing that helps break the ice with a shy person or the thing for already established couples ?

I certainly will send/give her a card (whats best send/give or put through her door on the day ?) and was thinking flowers but I'd have to give them to her as I can't find a service that will deliver on saturday or sunday.

If not for valentines day I'd definitly want to ask her out the weekend after, as it falls on a sunday I can imagine its going to be utter chaos.

comments anyone ?

[cherrychapstick]

Yes you can use valentines day as an ice breaker, i would put it through her door really early though but quietly so you don't wake her if she is sleeping will be nice for her to get up and have it on her doormat ,can you get a friend to deliver the flowers that would be nice?

[Thunderchild]

putting the card in not a problem, the flowers erm not really, could leave a single rose or something with the card

[redcrx]

interflora deliver saturdays, in fact i would guess that most florists would. Valentines day itself may be difficult though.

[Thunderchild]

well thats it, I've already been on interflora's website and others and there are many days they won't deliver even during the week before valentines weekend, i assume they are booked already. Anyway as much as I'd love to flowers+delivery in that way seem quite expensive (for me anyhow) as much as I'd love to it would be a huge pain in the wallet.

[Thunderchild]

forgot to mention not that it makes much difference that she lives with her parents

[China Doll]

If you've asked her out previously and 'nothing has come of it' then I am dubious as to whether she would even appreaciate your valentines day advances. Shy or not, it oes seem rather odd that you've often asked her out and nothing has ever happened.

If you still insist on sending her a card then put it through the door and leave flowers in a vase also at the door, (you can ring the bell and then walk away) as it all sounds rather full on to me for someone you're not actually seeing and I'd personally feel pressurised if some bloke was stood at my door with a bunch of flowers on valentines day.

Finally, ask her out again by all means but actually set a date and a time to meet and if you can't/don't/she seems vague then that 's it, don't ask again as it really doesn't sound like she's that bothered. Sorry, but that's how the situation looks to me, hopefully I've read it wrong but as it sounds, doesn't look promising.

[Thunderchild]

Hi China Doll

you do make a point, but I think its a case of she is quite a reserved girl and would hesitate to go out with anyone not just me. my guess is that she has never had a boyfriend. in the last few months she has become a bit more open I think prompted by the fact that she lost her job and got another one (lukily) and therefore get her own car, I think it has sort of jolted her a bit and as she has said to me before she's feeling old. for example when we have house gatherings and a rude joke was told she would just grin like she was embaressed, now she will laugh as hartedly as the rest of us.

for example when she rang me once to tell me she would not be at a meeting and i asked her if she wanted to go out for a drink over the weekend she ummed and ared and giggled until her phone went dead as she ran out of credit, she topped up and took the trouble to ring me back to tell me she had not hung up on me, her attitude really apeaks of she wants to but can't bring herself to.

obviously I'm trying not to overdo it and I'm never pushy as we both belong to the same club and I don't want to make it awkward. she does of course have the option of telling me straight when I ask her out that she it not interested, but she always seems to leave the option open, although she is shy/quite she is quite a decisive girl and knows what she wants or does not want

[cherrychapstick]

I think when you have asked her before she may have thought you were just doing it to be kind ,now she has more confidence in herself i would go with the card through the door in the morning and put a little note in it for her asking her out with a date and time, maybe just asking her she maybe didn't know how serious you were go for it the worst that can happen is she will say no but at least with the time there she will have to give you an answer one way or another (i don't think this is too pushy)

Good luck

[Sachs]

Go for it Thunder,
life's way too short! Let us know if it went o.k! x

[bobjugs12]

The idea of a note in the card is quite good, but a better method might be find out what she's into and book something for the pair of you. It doesn't have to be expensive, just show imagination and forethought.

eg. She's into indie music. So instead of saying in the note "fancy a drink in the Rose and Crown at 7.30 Tuesday night" You say something like "Meet me at the bottom of your road at 7.30 Tuesday night" You then pick her up in your (CLEAN!!!) car and take her to a local live music venue. Your the one making the effort so you let her drink (if you want), you then drive her home at the end and whilst on the drive back arrange the next date. Although let her choose the venue this time (and let her drive so you can get legless).

If you want a romantic gesture do not do it at her home. Brothers/sisters may be merciless and and overprotective Dad will ruin the best laid plans. Imagine pitching up with a bunch of roses only to be chased down the street by a 20st Rugby-playing dad shouting "why do you think you are good enough to share the same air as my princess. I'll kill you for even thinking of her".

[cherrychapstick]

LoL @bob

i wouldn't do the bunch of flowers either ,1 single rose is more appealing ,yes you must have a clean car if you are going to pick her up!!

[bobjugs12]

And finally if she says no at any point, or refuses to go out again then walk away with your head held high. You tried your best and that's all you can do both legally and morally. (Unless you're really in love with this lass then try stalking her until she agrees to go out with you just so you stop calling her 16 times a day.)

Also show her what she missed out on by scoring with her best mate/sister/mum.

[Thunderchild]

Well thanks for the encouragement, See as she does not talk much about herself particularly in a group its hard to know what she likes, the only really definite thing I know about her is that she makes airfix planes (and yes I'm quite fine with that infact gave her a couple of kits I bought and never made up) and that she does not like wearing dresses (confidence?) but that don't help much in setting a date.

The stalking is unnecesary and as we go to the same club not a great idea lol, in view of this I try not to be too invasive. unfortunately I don't know many people and don't think she does either and frankly I think we are very well suited as I'm not the usual kind of guy and she's not the usual kind of girl (aka she's my type).

Oh I'd have a clean car pity about the bumper I'm yet to fix, she's been in my car often as my sister is also a member of the club and if we go out of town she gladly accepts a lift from me (knowing my sister is with us).

I think its more than anything about her being confident with herself which she is slowley becoming better at, she is known in the club as "the quite one" and thats how she introduced herself to me (ah yes she introduced herself when we turned up together at the second meeting although people had already been "named in turn" at the first)

I'll have to play by ear, I think her parents are the best ally's they're probably encouraging her to get out and have more of a life

[bobjugs12]

You done the deed yet?

[Thunderchild]

yea, I'm not scared of it and I'm not worried about being patient I think part of her problem is thinking going out with someone = sex

[TTG]

Ask her out for a day-time coffee somewhere.

[Thunderchild]

good idea we all feel safer in daylight

[Thunderchild]

Well I put a card and single rose through her door on sunday morning (7 am)
got a message on monday 1pm saying she needed to speak to me when could we meet.
I'm meeting her wednesday - she decided day and time

so it's either a "get lost" or a "you really nice but I'm not interested" or a "lets try being a bit more ?"

We shall see

[Thunderchild]

err it was a "I'm really not interested but we are still friends as always" then we chatted for an hour, oh well leaves me free to roam but I still say that it's a case of she does not have the confidence yet for a relationship, in any case it's not on so I will have to be looking else where

[yogi-bear]

Hi Thunderchild,

Sorry this particular relationship has'nt worked out for you, SO FAR....as you said...maybe she's not ready to commit yet... but chin up....there are lots of lovely ladies out there.....and out there is someone you are destined to meet, and is destined to meet you. ( some of 'em are on here)........You've just gotta be in the right place at the right time.

Best of luck to you for the future.