Why Cant I forget about him?

[strawberryblonde]

For over a year I have been flirting with this man there was real chemistry between us and every time we saw each other our eyes were constantly on each other but he was with someone else. I told him nothing could happen while he was with her anyway a few months ago he fell out with her. We went out a few times and had sex once there was nothing there so left it at that. I saw him on new years eve and again his eyes were constantly meeting mine and my feelings were so intense he was out with his ex, I told him to stop looking at me as it was making me uncomfortable he continued and I ended up telling her everything, nasty I know but drink and jealousy kicked in. He had a bit of a go at me and left but came back to wish me happy new year I told him to leave me alone and in front of me he deleted my number. I have avoided going anywhere I am likely to bump into him since but on Sat night I saw him and my feelings were as strong as ever. He came straight over said he had missed me.

I have been seeing someone else since christmas I have a lot more in common with him enjoy seeing him and everything seems fine, but he does not make my heart jump when I see him like the other one. We gave it a go it didnt work so why cant I forget him why do I feel so strong when I try so hard not to. He is not with his girlfriend has not seen her since new year. I know that he feels this chemistry and everyone else says they can sense it around us.

[S_C]

it does sound like there is a chemistry there , however as you stated this does seem to fade when your both together and available for one another.

maybe it is just the idea of wanting something you know you shouldnt have.

you have not given your age so this maybe a little off the mark . A first crush can seem intense and anything that is prolonged and intense will always leave deep rooted feelings " especialy if not ended badly " that could expain why you feel so deeply still.

having already tried this person regarding a possible relationship and found it lacking there would appear to be no reason to try again unless you felt that you didnt give it a fair go.

with all the above said that does leave me with one question .
If your current partner does not tick all the boxes you want ticked , why are you still with him ?
i only ask as it would appear your not satisfied " doesnt make your heart flutter " and this i would assume you would want.

[zzxxee]

you say you have chemestry but then you say you had sex and there was nothing there i would leave well alone and move on x

[strawberryblonde]

It is not a lst crush wish it was lol I have grown up children was married for 25 years.
I do like this other man and really enjoy spending time with him I look forward to seeing him but what I feel for the other one is something ~I have never felt before.

I know I should leave it alone, and I never contact him even though still have his number and would not give him mine again on Sat, but walking away from him is the hardest thing I cant sleep for thinking about him. Friends think I should give it another go as because we had flirted so long maybe that was the reason the sex was so quick (sorry to be blunt) but I dont think it would work although it would be what I want more than anything.

[S_C]

i maybe reading this wrong so forgive me if i am .

but i get the impression the reason it failed before was because of the sex " being over before it started " ( to be blunt )

is this correct or were there other things that made the relationship lacking ?

if it was just the " sex " side of things , then maybe you feel you didnt give it a fair go . as a first time can be very nerve racking for anyone especialy when you are " over excited " , as you stated it was a long time coming. Not every experiance is perfect as im sure many women / men if honest can tell you .

if you feel that is correct then maybe you should try again .
however that would be your choice.

im not trying to push any point here but, i feel your feelings for the man you currently have in your life may not be enough for you , as you state yourself that this man makes you happy but does not give you the same feelings as this other man you cannot forget. " just wondering if your being fair to yourself and current partner " again only you would truely know the answer to this.

what ever you decide regarding this issue i wish you luck , you obviously have spent a long time thinking about it , i hope the choice you make is the right one for you all.

[strawberryblonde]

Sex was the main reason and I think he was embarrassed after, but even before that when I was with him I felt like I could not relax which was really strange because while he was in a relationship I had spoke to him loads and felt totally at ease around him, he had told me loads about his life and I felt like I knew him so well. When I went out with him I felt like there was tension between us. Everyone keeps telling me I should try once more but I am scared I will be setting myself up to be hurt again.

The other man is nice I do like him feel relaxed with him and if he was not in my head things would be good. Just feel so confused. Thanks for your thoughts.

[China Doll]

I don't understand why you would have sex once, decide it wasn't that great and not to pursue the relationship for only that reason. If you really like someone you give it a bit longer than that. Good sex doesn't necessarily happen automatically and isn't always about orgasms either. You can have good sex when you initially meet someone but I've always found it gets better and better over time as you get to know a person more deeply and indeed more about their quirks, likes and dislikes. So to think the sex was too quick and not worth pursueing the relationshop on the basis of doing it once seems a little silly personally.

Apologies if I've misunderstood.

Equally I'd also say you were infatuated with the guy which is not the same as lust/love or chemistry.

[strawberryblonde]

It was not just the sex I felt very nervous and tense spending time alone with him.

Maybe you are right and it is just infatuation but I think he feels something similar to me he always comes over and if I am talking to someone I can feelhis eyes on me all the time.

I am trying really hard to forget about him and stop feeling like this but nothing seems to work.

[Ankou]

i think its the thrill of the chase.

most people would catch eyes with someone across the room and feel a flutter of something - even a brief moment of flattery - or the feeling that you've still got 'it'.

generally you can pursue it and end the chase, sometimes end the thrill and excitement as well, but that depends on the relationship that develops. i wouldn;t go using the current fella as a way of getting over someone else though, thats an empty and unfulfilling partnership.

and yes, of course your friends would egg you on. my mates are always jibing each other with 'she wants you', 'blimey, get a room etc etc' it usually doesn't mean much other than - go on shag so i can gossip about it !

[strawberryblonde]

Its more than that even after new year and we had massive row I felt like I hated him and some nasty things were said but next time I saw him he came straight over and if he is out with his mates chatting to other women he always comes over and spends nearly all night stood talking to me. People who dont know actually think we are a couple.

I know the difference between someone who is flirting for what they can get this has been going on too long. People have been hurt we have tried and failed and as far as he is concerned sex is not on my mind but his eyes are so intense ! cant break the glance. He even comes into the club I go to on his own cos his friends dont like it.

I am not using this other guy to try and forget I make a point of never going anywhere we are likely to bump into him but its hard and I do really like this other man and feel comfortable with him in every respect.

[Ankou]

"He even comes into the club I go to on his own cos his friends dont like it."

thats worrying,

[strawberryblonde]

Why is that worrying? He stands and chats to me but since new year he has made no sexual suggestions.

[S_C]

i get the impression your always going to be asking yourself " what if " with regards to this man.

your current partner makes you happy and you feel comfortable with him in every way as you state . however you have never stated any feelings of love , only comfort.
i actualy find myself wondering if you felt comfortabl enough with your current partner to actauly to talk to him about this man and get his feedback.
" most probably not as most hearing this from their partner would feel threatened by it "

you seem to want this other man more than anything including your current partner. Yet seem to want to deny yourself and him a second chance.

the problem as i see it comes accross like this .

1/ you rate sex as important in your relationships yet expect instant results.
" and the one chance you had wasnt exactly good " this could be explained away.

2/ you were nervous and felt tension when you actualy got together.
this to can be explained away easily " having finaly got something you want you dont want to ruin it therefore feel nervous and not so relaxed " you both could feel this and make the other feel more so.

im not trying to form opnions or make you feel uncomfortable in anyway. just trying to elaborate how your descriptions are coming across , maybe by doing this it may help you decide in what direction you should go" having an outside view point can help sometimes".

i could be completely wrong and if so please forgive and forget this, however if i am right then im guessing you are mearly delaying the envitable.

[Ankou]

i think you should end your current relationship,
and give it another go with this bloke.

[strawberryblonde]

Thanks everyone S_C you are spot on I think. I am scared of getting hurt but I do feel that something is going to happen between us.

[lindzlakeetoo]

4 years I've been flirting with my man. He wont' call and he won't set a date up. 1 year's nothing.