my use of pornography is damaging my relationship

[waramutse]

I've been caught. This is the 2 or third time and i don't know what to do. Do i need counselling?

I've been dating this girl for a year and half now. She's gorgeous. I worship her. I don't need any other woman however I repeatedly make her feel inadequate and I feel like i'm abusing her when she finds out i've been using porn.

We've been doing the long distance on and off for quite a while. I feel as if i have a high libido and i'm always thinking about sex. In the times we are apart I use it. In the times we have been apart , twice I saw other women but nothing ever happened sexually. (The first time was a text, the second was a gilr who said she liked me but i turned her down). My girlfriend is extremely distrustful and was before I met her. Now i've validated all her fears and no matter how much I tell her i want only her I constantly am questioned; then she finds porn on my internet history.

I want to fully understand why i use it. I think ease of access is one thing.

I really don't want these other woman. I really do only want my GF. I really am only observing. I am concerned, not that its wrong, but that I should be able to do without but keep coming back to it.

I can't make excuses and say that I've not had sex in 2 months as she hasn't either and is waiting for me ( we live thousands of miles apart). I haven't betrayed her and am trying to cut down on accessing porn. I am meant to be seeing her in 2 weeks

Why do men use it?
How do I stop?
How do I make her truly understand?
Should I take some counselling to break this habit?

Oh my, I really don't know what to do here and she is losing hope in me.

[bednobs]

Why do men use it? Same reason as women - because it's nice
How do I stop? why would you want to?
How do I make her truly understand? not sure really, but i think this is the key
Should I take some counselling to break this habit? What what what? You and 99% of the population!

seriously i dont think it's the porn thats the problem (unless its children/goats), it's the girlfriend!

[karenmac60]

Does she read? Are the books romantic in nature or chick lit or anything like that? If the answers are yes then chances are she's getting her jollies through words - which seems to work for us girlies, whereas men prefer pictures. It's the same thing though, you're both getting some sort of sexual stimulation but they're from different sources. I don't understand why some women get so hung up on men using porn - as long as it's not violent or anything illegal. She is probably insecure about her self, which really makes it her problem and not yours.

[joggerjayne]

You really shouldn't worry.

You don't need to think of "using"porn.

The fact is ... you look at porn, and you enjoy it. And why not. So do I, when I'm bored.

Isn't it normal to enjoy looking at people naked? It's a human instinct. In fact, it is probably more odd to NOT enjoy porn.

[momcj]

It might even by nice to watch it together?!? I dont think it is cheating at all. Maybe she finds it embarrassing but that shouldnt be the case. talk to her about it, find out why she finds it offensive? Some of us woman are daft, She probably feels like it means she is not enough for you. Try reassuring her she is only one and you need this as a release because you think of her all the time and have to wait. Maybe she will even do you your own personal video!!!

[joggerjayne]

Although, as bednobs says, if you like to watch women having sex with goats, then maybe you need a bit of a re-think.

[Barmaid]

I couldn't agree more with bednobs. Porn is not damaging your relationship your girlfriend's insecurity is. You have to address the lack of trust not the use of porn.

[ummmm]

Delete your browsing history....

As bednobs says, unless it involves animals or kids there is absolutely nothing wrong with porn.

[society]

You could make this excuse to yourself and tell yourself you were looking for 'moves' :)

I read that somewhere ^^^ when the guy was caught he said that. lol

[sophie_1003]

The problem with porn is that men think of it as completely normal and separate from their feelings to their girlfriends (rightly so) whereas women (often) think "He's getting turned on by these women who look nothing like me which means I must not turn him on"
If she has this viewpoint there's not much you can do but keep reassuring her in the way you have been and be all over her when you are together!

[piggynose]

stick with porn, it never bleeds or has headaches

[robbo966]

Get yourself Google Chrome mate it's got Incognito window that leaves no trace so she'll never find out when you've been looking at pornhub.

[happyone2]

I think the issue here is that your gfr doesnt understand the nature of sex and the various facets of our need for sex, i remember once reading a problem page ( in the 70s ) when a woman divorced her husband because she found him masturbating when she came home from shopping.

As a teenager at the time, i thought therefore that when men married or were in a relationship they stopped, i was young, i had no one i could ask ( and i certainly wouldnt ask my dad !!!) so i sort of thought that was an acceptable response to finding him doing that.....................

As i got older, and talked with men more i realised that sexual relief is as important to them as breathing, and as i developed myself - to my surprise, because again no one had told me this, it was important to me to !!!! I had to overcome my learnt behaviour that nice people didnt do such things and love should be enough to sustain you......

Now i believe anyone who thinks that , probably hasnt had a good solo orgasm before !!!

i wonder if you talk together about sex and what it means to you, perhaps viewing it together might help ?? perhaps her learnt behaviour is that porn is nasty and perverted and hasnt actually viewed much of it ???

anyway, talking is the answer and possibly trying to live closer !!!