am i ignorant? cont... thanks guys and gals

[OLIVIA26]

I just wanted to say thankyou to all who replied to my questions about deciding to end it with my ex. I saw my cognitive therapist yesterday, who explained why i was, and still am, having such difficulty accepting the situation, and that is because i am the kind of person that ruminates so much it sends me into a panic attack (not many know i have 'mental'health problems) i appear 'normal' on the outside but i'm scrambled in the brain, (insecurities etc)she assured me my behaviour was normal for my 'condition' and that me ending the relationship was actually progress because i have NEVER ended a relationship ~i havent had that many! but my 1st love and husband both walked out on me. So the fact i felt secure enough to end it because the situation was not right for ME, and although i love him still,~ whats important is MY daughter and me, and OUR happiness. My doubts come from not playing games with him (no contact etc) but the fact that i decided something~i NEVER decide anything! i even struggle with choosing what kind of take away to order!! I booked a short break for my partner and i before we split, i'm not going now:( and have lost £150 (i paid) but instead of feeling glum, im looking at it as, well, i can use my annual leave at work more effectively later on in the year, i'll save in petrol money and expenses (he has no money~on income support). I'll say thats progress in my brain! Thankyou for all your advice. They say all things happen for a reason, so i'm going to ride this heartache to get to a happier place.What will be will be ;O)

[poodicat]

Keep strong Oliviax

[OLIVIA26]

thanks poodicat. i'm REALLY trying ;)

[cherrybakewell]

Hi Olivia, I think you are best trying to move forward. I suffer similar to you with self esteem issues etc, I read CBT books, trying to unscramble my head too. I know exactly what you mean when you say you are scrambled in the brain. I often say, I wish I had a mini hoover to get all the cr*p out.

I wish you lots and lots of luck xx

[OLIVIA26]

thanks cherrybakewell, its good to know i'm not the only one out there that struggles with their brain. this really is an up hill battle, but i'm taking it on as best i can :)

[gucciman]

Hi Olivia

I'm a big strong bodybuilder and also highly intelligent but I go through exactly the same thing as you do. I am totally incapable of making decisions as I over think things too much, always come to the worst conclusion and then make myself ill with worry. This is why I always try to go through life as stress free as possible by burying my head in the sand, talking the easy way out and hoping problems disappear.

I think a lot of people are affected like this.