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Should she be in a home?
37 Answers
Should my elderly next door neighbour be in a residential home?
She is about 80, lives on her own, in a two storey hosue with not stair lift and in the last month has had two serious falls.
A few weeks ago, she dislocated her hip whilst getting out of her chair, Lukily she had guests round who phoned for an ambulance.
A couple of days ago, she fell whilst in the garden and pressed her panic button. Somehow this lead to my mum being phoned up who investigated. The lady was in the back garden, with the front door and garden gate locked, so the ambulance man had to clamber over the gate, who inturn dislocated his wrist, but managed to unbolt the gate and he should be fine. But the lady had broken her knee and had sugery today and is staying in for a couple more days.
We are worried about her, and know that if she goes into a home, she won't be visited much, but we don't think she can carry on living how she is. What if mum hadn't been at home and could find her? what would have happened, she has no relatives within about 100 miles and we rarely se people visiting her.
She is about 80, lives on her own, in a two storey hosue with not stair lift and in the last month has had two serious falls.
A few weeks ago, she dislocated her hip whilst getting out of her chair, Lukily she had guests round who phoned for an ambulance.
A couple of days ago, she fell whilst in the garden and pressed her panic button. Somehow this lead to my mum being phoned up who investigated. The lady was in the back garden, with the front door and garden gate locked, so the ambulance man had to clamber over the gate, who inturn dislocated his wrist, but managed to unbolt the gate and he should be fine. But the lady had broken her knee and had sugery today and is staying in for a couple more days.
We are worried about her, and know that if she goes into a home, she won't be visited much, but we don't think she can carry on living how she is. What if mum hadn't been at home and could find her? what would have happened, she has no relatives within about 100 miles and we rarely se people visiting her.
Answers
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She needs to be properly assessed to work out the best thing for her needs and to incorporate her wishes as much as possible.
She should be able to stay in her home for as long as she wants to and can.
It's not all own home or care home, there are a fair few options inbetween. She could have carers visit her in her own home and have modifications made, there are a number of possibilities.
She should be able to stay in her home for as long as she wants to and can.
It's not all own home or care home, there are a fair few options inbetween. She could have carers visit her in her own home and have modifications made, there are a number of possibilities.
poor woman....she had visitors so ppl know her. Best you find out where her relatives can be contacted.
Everyone's after homes owned by the elderly......they've worked for their homes so dont be in a hurry to evict them. It disgusts me that homes are taken by 'pariahs' for elderly care. At 80 she's been thru 2 WW & deserves to live where she pleases.
Everyone's after homes owned by the elderly......they've worked for their homes so dont be in a hurry to evict them. It disgusts me that homes are taken by 'pariahs' for elderly care. At 80 she's been thru 2 WW & deserves to live where she pleases.
Molly has anyone asked the lady what she wants, maybe her health care proffessionals could advise or try here,
http://www.ageuk.org.uk/
Its most definitely about what she wants and all should be done to achieve that. You are a good neighbour for caring.
M
http://www.ageuk.org.uk/
Its most definitely about what she wants and all should be done to achieve that. You are a good neighbour for caring.
M
Maybe she has already refused help. it was probably suggested when she was having her hip sorted out. She sounds too good for a part three home (residential care) sheltered housing would probably be appropriate but there is often a waiting list. Extra support from a homecare team might be the best solution, perhaps your mum could have a chat to her about how difficult it is to deal with emergencies and how a bit of extra help might mean she can stay in her home. Then if she wants to ask for help her gP practice is a good place to start as they will have contacts with social services and she might find it a less threatening option than 'getting involved with social workers'
Hard to say. My Nan is in a home due to dimentia . She's lucky though as she gets taken out most days.
My Grandad is still at home but is in hospital again after having a fall. The doctors mentioned maybe he should go into a home but personally I think it will kill him. He's use to being in charge and bossing us all about. He's 86. My cousin lives with him so she's there a bit, but she has her own life. He's a wealthy man....I think he should pay someone to be with him in between our visits.
My Grandad is still at home but is in hospital again after having a fall. The doctors mentioned maybe he should go into a home but personally I think it will kill him. He's use to being in charge and bossing us all about. He's 86. My cousin lives with him so she's there a bit, but she has her own life. He's a wealthy man....I think he should pay someone to be with him in between our visits.
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welcome to reality!!
there is a world outside of answerbank, its the cold reality, people are living longer, but many are being abandoned by their siblings, because of short memories, selfishness, or relocation eg living more than 100 miles away.
if you could do a head count of the ammount of elderly living alone, and experiencing regular falls etc, you´d be slightly shocked. i would say 1/2 million would be a good estimate. the problem lies in the care home reputation. full of helpless forgotten elderly folk, who need a lot of care, but dont get it, a strong smell of urine all the time.
my mum b4 whose dead now, refused to go to one, when we visited a few, you could see why.
there is a world outside of answerbank, its the cold reality, people are living longer, but many are being abandoned by their siblings, because of short memories, selfishness, or relocation eg living more than 100 miles away.
if you could do a head count of the ammount of elderly living alone, and experiencing regular falls etc, you´d be slightly shocked. i would say 1/2 million would be a good estimate. the problem lies in the care home reputation. full of helpless forgotten elderly folk, who need a lot of care, but dont get it, a strong smell of urine all the time.
my mum b4 whose dead now, refused to go to one, when we visited a few, you could see why.
True piggy. My Uncle was in hospital for 3 months years back. I went in every morning and stayed till lunch....my sister came in at lunch and stayed till end of school. Then he had his evening visitors. In those 3 months some patients had no visitors.
Same as when my Dad was in a hospice. He had someone with him 24 hours a day...again, the other patients had no one. How very very sad.
Same as when my Dad was in a hospice. He had someone with him 24 hours a day...again, the other patients had no one. How very very sad.
My father is 79 and has lived alone a long time but has had recent health problems.
When there was a burst pipe in his house we moved him to an "Assisted living flat"
These are where a number of older people live in a set of flats that are adapted for use of older people - they each have panic cords and there's a permanent member of staff on hand.
He's much happier now as he gets a lot more contact with people from other residents and is close to shops.
There are a lot of options out there.
When there was a burst pipe in his house we moved him to an "Assisted living flat"
These are where a number of older people live in a set of flats that are adapted for use of older people - they each have panic cords and there's a permanent member of staff on hand.
He's much happier now as he gets a lot more contact with people from other residents and is close to shops.
There are a lot of options out there.
Firstly there may be a problem if she owns the house, she may not want to pay for residental care ? sounds like she is a candidate fro a care home not warden assisted, you have to be fairly mobile for warden assisted as they are phasing out the wardens and replacing with a two way speaker where they just call you each day and ask how you are then if they get no response they send someone round, not nice but they call it progress.
The man next door to me had a stair lift installed for free by the council even though he owned his house, so there are a few things that could be done to help this lady keep her independance, trouble is they dont like to ask. Does she have a home help ?
Try contacted Help the Aged and see what she is entitled to, they will know who to contact etc
The man next door to me had a stair lift installed for free by the council even though he owned his house, so there are a few things that could be done to help this lady keep her independance, trouble is they dont like to ask. Does she have a home help ?
Try contacted Help the Aged and see what she is entitled to, they will know who to contact etc
A difficult one.
The decision is really the old lady's. Does she want (or at least is she willing) to go in a home? If so the answer is yes, unequivocally.
If she doesn't the answer starts off being no, she shouldn't. And she has to be pretty far gone for anyone to forcibly override that decision. She doesn't sound that far gone from your description.
So yes - by all means as neighbours take an interest. But you have to allow her her independence.
The decision is really the old lady's. Does she want (or at least is she willing) to go in a home? If so the answer is yes, unequivocally.
If she doesn't the answer starts off being no, she shouldn't. And she has to be pretty far gone for anyone to forcibly override that decision. She doesn't sound that far gone from your description.
So yes - by all means as neighbours take an interest. But you have to allow her her independence.
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