What to do, uncle dying.

[jedimistress]

Hi my uncle has a brain tumour and is not expected to live beyond 2 weeks. He lives at the other end of the country so visiting in person is not an option. (children at school etc) I don't know whether to call him, write to him or what?? And what do I say?? Has anyone got any pointers or experience with this. I don't know what to say to him if I call. It feels awkward, I don't know what he would appreciate.

[sandyRoe]

Does he know the position he's in? If you're sure that he does, then you could phone him and say how sorry you are to hear thats he's ill.

[Greedyfly]

Also how close are you to your uncle, do you keep in regular contact etc...

[sherrardk]

You obviously want to have some contact with him or you wouldn't have posted on here - does he someone who lives with him/near him that you could ask. You would feel terrible if you didn't act on your feelings now (as someone who has lost their mother and grandad in the last three months I know what I am talking about). PS - I know that my mother was very touched by the number of people who rang her when she was ill.

[jedimistress]

Thank you for your replies. I am 37 and he is around 60. He is married to my auntie rather than being of my direct family. We've never kept in regular direct contact with each other. I just see him at family things with my parents usually. We have had good times but I never contacted him directly before, so maybe I feel a little awkward about ringing....out of the blue.

[NoMercy]

I'm really sorry to hear your news. I knew someone who passed away 18 months ago from a Brain Tumour. When the time came, she went very suddenly. Is your uncle able to recognise those around him at this late stage?

[jedimistress]

Yes, he has lost a lot of motor control and is sometimes confused as to where he is or what ime of his life he is at.

[scotman]

Why don't you contact your aunt and ask her advice?

[sherrardk]

I would ring anyway, say you are sorry to hear the bad news and maybe mention some happy memories that you have of an event you were at or something, just something to let him know you are thinking of him. As I said, I know my mam appreciated the phone calls (she was quite young (61) and she died just 5 weeks after being diagnosed and was only really ill for 2 1/2 weeks). Hope this helps, x

[Jemisa]

Write him a nice letter. He'll be able to read it over and over and it would give him comfort. Mention some memories you have of him, mention the times you may have spent with him with fondness. After a couple of days then give him a phone call. Words will come......

jem.

[tamborine]

send a 'thinking of you' card.

[jedimistress]

Thank you all. I think I will write him a letter as suggested, he may ring me you never know. I'll let him know we all love him and mention memories etc. Thank you for all your words of advice.

[society]

Sorry to hear about your uncle. In sickness and death there's no time to think of awkwardness. At least make the effort and call your uncle. If something should suddenly happen to him you wouldn't want to have regrets of not doing this or that etc.

[sherrardk]

Don't mean to be rude but I don't think he's going to ring you - if you want to talk to him you will have to phone him (it's not going to be as awkward as you might think), just don't leave it too long.

[Greedyfly]

I am sure whatever you decide it will be the right thing. As said before you obviously need to contact him in some way. I am positive he will gratefully receive your thoughts and feelings. Maybe a phone call is the right way. I know you say you have never directly contacted him before but if I were him I think I would appreciate it a great deal. As for what to say, I think it will come naturally when you speak to him if you so choose. Just that your thinking about him and that you care for him, it's hard to plan such a conversation because of it's nature. You will do what feels right and I am sure whatever that is will be the right thing. I am sorry to hear your bad news and my thoughts are with you and your family.

[Mamyalynne]

I hope this doesn't sound harsh but if you are not very close, keep it low key, My husband died from secondary brain tumours just over 18 months ago, and at one point near the end, he commented that he felt like a star turn at the circus. People were popping up from all over to see him and were incredibly jolly and reminiscing. They meant well but it did grind him down a bit. Do what you feel is right in your particular circumstance and I send you love, its not nice. Understatement I know.♥

Ps keep in touch with your Aunt as well.

[jacey]

What about sending him a 'Thinking of You' card. he might be able to understand in a coherent moment then?

[jacey]

Sorry Tamborine just seen that, u have already, made that suggestion :-)