How would you deal with this?

[Barmaid]

I recently met my SiL for the first time and we got on really well. She started telling me about a relationship she has online with a "gentleman". Initially the details rang alarm bells with me. Last night we had a phone call from my BiL who gave a few more details. I am now absolutely convinced I am right and that her "love", is in fact a scam artist from Nigeria (I have some considerable experience of these people in the past, so I know exactly the type I am dealing with). I am concerned because it is her birthday at the weekend and she will get a lump sum as part of her pension. He has said he is going to set up a jewellery business in the Uk (yeah right). She is a lovely lady, but lonely and quite naive.

My problem is this. My other SiL has tried to talk to her and persuade her that this chap is no good. She will not listen. They actually fell out for a while over it. So do I

a) chat to her and explain why I have these concerns
b) obtain his details (I can do this surreptitiously if I use her PC at the weekend) and then compile evidence against him
(either of the above are likely to shatter her world, but I would rather shatter it now than later when her life savings are gone)
c) leave well alone - she is an adult and entitled to make her own mistakes.

[mccfluff]

nasty one, i;d go for B but be prepared to take the blame!

[Bbbananas]

a) in the first instance.
if she really won't consider your concerns, I would go for b) - in your profession barmaid I am sure you know just how far you can go......

She may be an adult, but we've all made disastrous decisions as adults.

[Bobbisox]

OOOH difficult one Barmaid, perhaps with your knowledge of such things and the job you do, she may listen to you?

[jednbutter]

Buy webcams and never trust anyone you meet online as there are alot of predators masking as sweet little old people,

[China Doll]

Yuck, what a horrid position to be in.... I think I would go with a) have a little chat and then c). She is an adult and if you've already given her your misgivings and she still chooses to continue then it's really up to her. Hopefully you'll plant enough of a seed of doubt for her to proceed with caution if that's what she wishes to do. Good luck.

[dothawkes31]

well I know you know how to trace his email addy Barmaid and so I would do that, but I would also go out of your way to get him to start a similar con with you to get more evidence cos they are so naiive and greedy themselves he will fall for it,

[Bobbisox]

jed you are a-hem so awesome..lol

[ummmm]

I'd go for B and if you do find evidence try option A before presenting it to her.

[redcrx]

as adults we all make mistakes and, hopefully, learn from them

but it shouldnt prevent those who care from advising if things look bad.

Start with A and continue to B if you dont get much luck

[redman41]

Good for you for being a friend Barmaid and if you can gather enough evidence about him to convince her she is doing the wrong thing then all the better....

[jackthehat]

B.
Scare *him* off.......and then hopefully he'll refuse to accept any fuether contact from her.
Far better dealing with a broken heart with a healthy bank-balance than realising that not only has he taken her heart he's had away her retirement funds..............

[Count-A-Strong]

The Nigerians name wouldn't be Mr. Korede Onas alias "John Jerry" would it?

http://justicegroup.org/cybercrime.htm

[jackthehat]

Barmaid - she doesn't have to know that you have 'done' anything...........

[Nosha123]

option b I say.. and good luck detective!!

failing that.. set up a sting.. with another older lady and then you can get evidence he is saying the same to her too!

[Barmaid]

His webcam is apparently "broken" jednbutter. He has sent her pics of a lovely caucasion french speaking canadian, but currently working in Ghana. My BiL heard his voice recently and reckoned this was no french speaking canadian.

I'm thinking of start with a) and then go to plan b). If I can't find out the information I need about him, I know a man who probably can........ And there are some very useful sites out there that I can use to help.

I was planning to have a pop at him myself, Dot, but seeing as I am emotionally involved with this one, I don't think its a good idea. I will hand him on to someone I can trust with it though.

I am seeing her at the weekend, but its her birthday and there is no way I want to ruin it for her. But I need to act because once he thinks she has the money, it'll disappear into Western Union quicker than I can say "419 scam".

[redcrx]

actually, forget option A

go straight for B, get every bit of detail that you can get the BIL and SIL to sit her down and make her look at it.

what she does with that info is up to her from there on in, all you can then do is stand back

[Nosha123]

maybe she could buy him a new webcam as a present!!!!
Grrr people like this really make me mad.... and Nigeria seems to be full of the scammers too. How do they sleep at night!

Pull out all the stops Barmaid.. and let us know how you get on! Good luck

[Barmaid]

Well I've put the wheels in motion now. We are planning a trip to see her at the weekend. I will need to access her computer at some point to get his details and once I have that I can make some progress.

I'll post updates as and when.

[Bobbisox]

Good Luck Barmaid, wish I had a friend like you x