Advice on how to get the lodger to help in the house

[Addy123]

I have a lodger who has been living with me for about 18 months. We get on really well as friends.
About a month after he moved in he got made redundent and I let him live rent free for the two months it took him to get a new job, on the understanding that he pay me back when he started work by adding a little extra each month to his rent.

I have also allowed him to have hid dog live here, despite the fact I have two cats, it's not a problem as such but she does create a lot more housework as she is long haired and sheds a lot.

At Christmas he was having some money difficulties (I had a debt collector at the door for him), and we sat down and talked and I agreed the extra he was paying back he could postpone until things cleared. He still owes me about £1,000 in back rent. His normal rent is paid on time each month via direct debit.

I'm away a lot with my job, so he has almost free run of the house most weeks. He'srecently had back problems and I have tried to be supportive. He works every day anything from 10-12 hours and sometimes goes in at weekends. We used to watch TV at night and the companionship was nice (please don't read anything into that-we're friends, nothing else).
Two weeks ago he bought a motorbike for £1500 and every weekend he's now in the garage cleaning it, whilst I do all the housework!!!!

i work about 60 hours a week and drive about 1,000 miles a week, so I want my weekends to me to relax, but I need my home to be clean. He han't changed his bed in two months despite there being spare bedding there!

How do I broach getting him to pitch in with the housework without sounding like a nagging wife. I'm getting really fed up.

[WILLWONKER]

Well you need to lay down some ground rules, you tell him what you expect from him and when ,other than that get gone.

[sandyRoe]

He owes you £1000 in back rent yet still can afford to buy a motorbike for £1500? He needs to get his priorities right. A roof over his head should be more important than transport.

[woofgang]

you may enjoy the company but if he's not paying back what he owes or doing his share around the house he's certainly no friend :(

[buildersmate]

You seem to be being used.
Try Googling 'assertiveness' and see what comes back.

[Addy123]

^^^ OL Thanks buidersmate! Trust me, if you knew me, assertiveness is not something I have a problem with. In fact I can be too assertive tbh which is why I wanted some input.

My normal way would be to just have a go, but I want to keep the atmosphere in my home as it is.

I'm thinking I might just draw up a rota and allott jobs to him and show him it one night to get the conversation going.

[craft1948]

I agree that you need to lay down some ground rules, and if he doesn't agree to them then I think he's having you for a mug.
I don't know how he has the cheek to buy a motorbike when he owes you money.

[terence7556]

i have a workmate who lent another man a grand as a deposit on a newer flat, which he agreed must be paid back on a quick regular basis, £100 per month was discussed but nothing in writing.well a year on he still owes £700 of it.hes not got a lot of money, lives week to week but can find enough to re start smoking and another 5 tattoos at £50-£75 per hour.does this sound as big a Fosters take as the one you are going through?
these two men have known each other through work for 15 years and it is really annoying to see this happening

[woofgang]

okay so you are buying companionship and a nice home atmosphere for a 1000 quid down payment plus housework!!

[joko]

i would suggest you leave his room alone - its not your business how often he changes his bedding...

yes the rota idea is probably best...its non confrontational, yet is making a point

regarding the rent, im think you just have to come out with it and ask him straight to start paying back
say you think as its building up, it might be an idea if he starts to pay it back in small amounts...such as £10 -20 a week or something - by direct debit
this shows him you are not going to let it go, but is also easy for him to manage and plus he doesnt have to think about sorting the cash out for you...it will just go out of his bank

[OCEANUS]

show him the door now, -- what is it with us women that we think we don't have the right to make a decisiion and stick with it,-- in the past I have tried to help people by giving them a roof over their heads, -- one stole from me, -- the next tried to kill me because I asked him to leave, and the last one was on drugs, so he was out of the door without his feet touching the floor -- don't stand any messing you will be doing him a favour -- this will help him stand on his own two feet.