What's your opinion on calling dementia sufferers "Good girls" etc?

[MissCommando]

I used to work in a home with 30 dementia sufferers. We were only allowed to call them by their name. If the boss heard staff calling the residents love, or good girl etc, he would tell them off. I think he was right to do so.

I now work in a council home with dementia sufferers. The staff are forever calling the residents good girls and good boys - "Sit down Henry, now there's a good boy". It makes me cringe and I am not going down the route of calling an 80 odd year old a good boy or girl. Also, I am only 23 so I think it would be very patronising for me to call them a girl or a boy.

I don't think it's nice to talk to residents as though they are little children. They are grown adults and may understand more than we think.

What's your opinion?

[LoftyLottie]

My mum refused to go out ummmm. She wouldn't be seen in a wheelchair. She wouldn't even let me take her out in the lovely gardens they had and through a wobbly one day when I pushed her out there for just a few minutes. I tried, and I tried to get her to come out. She even hated leaving her room and mixing with the other residents because "They were all old and round the bend".

It was horrible. I wanted to do much more to make her life happier, but I just couldn't.

[society]

I had an aunt living in a nursing home, she was in her late ninety’s, I’d cry every time I visited her. She looked so sad, withdrawn and so all alone. I wish so much I could have taken her in my care, 'under my roof’ but other family members refused me doing that; and they all lived in another country. It’s been two years since she’s passed and my heart still grieves for her, especially knowing she was ill-treated in nursing home. Guilt is a terrible feeling when one has a conscience.

[LoftyLottie]

threw!!

[LoftyLottie]

Sad, society :o(. I took my mum out of one care home because it was awful. Fortunately, with help from social services she went into an excellent home. I have reserved my place. She didn't make the best of it though. It was more like a small hotel than a care home, didn't even look like a care home.

[smart1]

Totally agree!

[Sqad]

I call perfectly mentally normal people "there´s a good boy" ect, why should people with Dementia be treated any differently?

[ummmm]

That's sad Society :-(

Lottie....luckily my Nan can't wait to get out of the door quick enough. As an ex Publican she's a social woman. Yesterday I walked her down to my Grandads in the wheel chair and she pointed out every pub on the way :-)

She also pulls my son aside and asks him if there's any chance she could get her a cold glass of lager. (she thinks he's a girl)

[dotty.]

my mum had myloid displasia and in the last months she was in a nursing home as we didnlt want her in hospital, the care staff had tied her to a chair in the dining room (a belt round her waist and round the back of the dining chair) and I turned up at breakfast time and found her there , the other residents were a mixture of conditions and some were EMA, it was horrific, my mum knew what was happeneing but was helpless, i'm haunted by the look in her eyes as I untied her and demanded she be put back into bed, she died 10 days later.

[LoftyLottie]

ummmm. The sad thing was my Mum was an attractive, vivacious and outgoing person until well into her late 70's. A lot of her problem was that she was ashamed of her age, her lack of mobility and above all the her loss of her good looks. She had always been a man magnet. She did know she had a degree of dementia as well. Very, very sad end to a full and active life.

[LoftyLottie]

Dreadful Dot! I am still haunted by things that happened in the first care home - not just to my Mum but to the other residents as well.

[society]

What a fire-cracker your Nan is, Ummmm. She must be so much fun to be around, At least she's enjoying here life. well it appears so. You will be well blessed for taking such good care of you Nan.

[ummmm]

Nan was a strong but submissive type. She lived for her kids, husband and work. She's getting repaid now. Her kids, grand kids and great kids adore her.

[ummmm]

Not great kids....great grand kids :-)

She deserves it Society...

[McMouse]

I don't think there should be such a tightly defined policy that there is no room to treat different people differently. It should be possible to check with family or with the patient if possible, how they would like to be addressed. My 93 year old mother-in-law is very formal and likes to be addressed as Mrs ....... except by friends and family. My late mother was just the opposite and preferred people to call her by her first name. Good girl or boy is inappropriate for some and not for others. What really matters is that dementia sufferers are treated with kindness and dignity whether they are aware or not.

[society]

My aunt had all of her 'marbles' but was placed in home care because she'd wander off in the middle of the night to anywhere; neighbours would show up at my door with her, Once she was placed in the nursing home she started 'going down'. As Lottie’s Mum, Aunty was vibrant, stylish and loved to dance and gamble. I think some how, some way pharmaceutical companies discretely uses theses residents as guinea pigs. She was constantly on different medications.

[Sqad]

McMouse....EXACTLY.......well said.

[LoftyLottie]

My mum stock piled her medications in various hiding places!! Mind you I wouldn't have allowed her to be given anything to subdue her. She had a wicked tongue in her head though.

[society]

Dot, I could relate to your nursing home experience with your Mum. Heart wrenching, so sad. :(

[lucca]

MissCommando - you are 100% correct - it is NEVER appropriate to say to people with dementia "there's a good boy/girl" etc. It is of course appropriate to treat them with sensitivity and respect, and, apart from anything else, calling them by their first name or Mr/Mrs...(as they wish), helps to remind them who they are. Would any of you like to be spoken to in the style of "Don't be a naughty girl now" etc?

[RATTER15]

If anybody called me "a good boy" they would certainly get the rough side of my tongue, totally disrespectful!!!

Dementia does not turn adults into children!!
they are adults with a mental problem. and I don't really think any family would want their mother or father etc treated as such.