What to do if you break up with a partner and they threaten suicide?

[Madi29]

I was dating my ex-bf when we began to fight more than I could handle. I was given some advice from a friend who said, "Take a break. If you cant live w/o him then you'll know the fighting is worth it because hes the one!" So i broke up with him. That night he texted me saying that his life was nothing without me and he didnt want to live if he couldnt have me. I have had bf's before that threatened suicide, so I talked to him and ensured him that his life would be fine w/o me. He told me he was going home and I should go to sleep, seeing as it was 330 am. Then he added in that if he didnt text me back when I woke up I'd know why... He then stopped texting me back. I gave up after a while and tried to go to sleep. I figured he had gotten home and fallen asleep.

Just as I was about to fall asleep, at 4 am, his dad texted me saying that (well call him Bob) they hadnt seen Bob in 2 days and asked if I had seen or talked to him recently. Not wanting to worry his family if I didnt have to, I told him that I would text our friends and let him know what I could come up with. I texted everyone I could think of to see if he was at someone's house, and I texted Bob about 100 times. Finally at about 7 am Bob answered his phone and told me that he had passed out and his phone had died while he was sleeping and thats why he hadnt gotten back to me.

What do I do now? I still love him and want to be with him, but I dont know if i can be with someone who could put me through this. He acted so selfish, insecure and ridiculous that I dont know if I can go back to him. I have also done some research and it seems that if he could do this, and try to guilt me into getting back with him, he will probably do it again and it will just keep getting worse....

[carmalee]

tough one to deal with Madi29 - admit I'm bitter, cynical and twisted but would never entertain a relationship with anyone who had tried to blackmail me - whether or not your ex does anything stupid is entirely his choice, you are in no way responsible for his decisions. Having said that, you are not me so, if you really do want to get back, why not suggest a break of say 3 months to give him time to get his act together and tell him if at the end of the 3 months he has,, you are prepared to talk with him. If he refuses, then he isn't serious about changing and you are always going to be held to ransom by him.

[cazzz1975]

I agree with carmalee, the threat of suicide would make me leave to be honest, I wont be emotionally blackmailed by someone especially if the relationship was all but over, you would have to question why you are staying? because he threatens to kill himself and you feel sorry for him or because he is the one for you.
be honest with yourself and think about what you really want, there is something unhealthy about a relationship based on pity/fear

[Madi29]

Ik im not responsible for whatever happens to him. and i wouldnt get back with him so that he doesnt do anything stupid. I just dont k if hes going to try Sugar like this again if i do choose to get back with him. You see my problem?

[cazzz1975]

my guess is he does it because it works, like a tantrum, if they scream loud enough the parents will give in.

[Madi29]

thats exactly wat I was thinking. hes spoiled and attention deprived. so is getting back together with him showing that he will get his way if he pulls stunts like this?

[cazzz1975]

in short, yes, everytime there is a problem he will keep pulling this gem out of the hat

[jomifl]

He's a loser ditch him, he won't commit suicide, he is too weak. He will just be a liability.

[woofgang]

whether he does or he doesn't you MUST NOT let him drag you into the game...run, do not walk, to the nearest exit

[woofgang]

PS as you seem like a kindly soul it might be nice to tell his family what you are going to do and why.

[Madi29]

I have already told his dad, and i contacted his sister who told me she is going to try to talk to him and is going to watch him.

[woofgang]

Then you have done what you can....

[ummmm]

Stay well away...

He's controlling you. If this way doesn't work he'll find another way...

[4getmenot]

my blind date killed himself the same night. Lots of issues. But out of the many of my mates that have committed suicide not one was expected. I wouldnt get back with anyone that emotionally black mailed me.

[andy-hughes]

You cannot live in a relationship with someone feeling that you hold the keys to his continued existance.

Everyone is responsible for their own life - you cannot be held responsible if your partner did take his life (I hate the term 'do something stupid') so you must not assess your future on that basis.

I think carmalee has given you excellent advice - I would consider taking it.

[joko]

although i agree that what he did was wrong...people do strange things when upset...if he passed out he'd likely been drinking an it probably seemed like a good idea at the time...he maybe, in his drunken state, wanted to se if you would would come rushing round to save him...thereby proving how much you care...and in his fragile weak state of mind he was desperate for some sign of that...he also could have just been angry an wanted to worry you...

but just keep in mind that his mind was likely and temporarily not in a good state.

has he ever dont anythinbg like this before?

[ChocolatChip]

I had a friend who had a boyfriend problem like yours, this happened more than 50 times. Towards the end he'd even get his friend to tell her he'd gone into the woods with a shotgun and actually done it. A couple of days later he'd turn up out of the blue, perfectly unharmed and say that it was his friends.
Needless to say she carried on seeing him, despite what everyone said and cause more and more problems for herself, idiotic fool.
You must get rid, since he's telling you about it, it's unlikely he'll actually do it. It's the quiet ones you need to worry about. If he's not willing to fight for you properly, rather than blackmail you. He's not worth another thought.