When will it happen?

[emzzy]

I am 21 and have never had any kind of real relationship. everyone I know has had a least one proper relationship by the time they were my age. Every time I find someone I like they either don't like me or they just want me for one thing. I'm 5'3 and a size 16 (but shrinking). Im no supermodel but I don't think im that bad looking. I think i have a nice personality aswell. I don't have many friends that and therefore not much of a social life. I try to be more confident but just end up making a fool of myself. I'm not saying I want love and marriage or anything like that, just have something I can share with someone else. I have tried internet dating but my family are are quite disaproving and it would upset my Dad if he knew I had met men on the internet, I also feel a bit ashamed telling people I had to go to that length to find someone. I can tell my brothers and sisters feel sorry for me because they have all experienced it as normal people do by my age. I feel like I am being left behind. I just want some advice on what to do. I'd like to be happy for once.

[cassimer]

Firstly dont worry - you are only 21! You are not too old and there is nothing wrong with not having a had a 'real relationship'. And you are not being left behind. Im sure if you are just patient the right man will come along. Perhaps you need a little more confidence in yourself? You sound like a lovely girl, and I'm sure there are many men out there who would love to meet you.
As to not having much of a social life, again dont worry. Try to go out more with your friends to places you feel comfortable and relaxed, with no pressure to find someone. When you feel calmer i'm sure chatting to new people will be much easier and you might make lots more friends even if you dont meet a man.
Perhaps join a local club (something sporty or just fun?) - after the first session when its a bit scary it will soon get easier and you will meet lots more people.
There is nothing to be ashamed of in internet dating so long as you are careful , but it sounds like you are really seeking a guy and in my experience that seems to make finding someone even harder!
Just relax, feel confortable when you are out meeting people, and you will eventually find someone to share with.
I'm certain its just a matter of time, and hopefully with a bit more life experience under your belt you wont make the same relationship mistakes some of us have...
Good Luck!

[Clare A]

I'd echo everything that cassimer says, and add 'Don't appear too desperate'! Nothing puts people off more. Just aim to make friends, not find a partner.

[Scarlett]

I know, having never had one, that you are idealising relationships!! I wonder about your last comment "I'd like to be happy for once". You can be happy doing many many things that don't involve a partner. I have been single for 10 years and am perfectly content! In fact I love being able to do my own thing, and not have to pander to a man!! I look at my sisters and Mum's relationships and they have nothing but grief from their partners. It is a full time job just keeping their men happy! Maybe they haven't made very good choices, but I would try to see the positive side of being single and independent.Relationships are always brilliant at first, and can be for the first couple of years, and then the hard work sets in... Use your energy to do other things you love; have lots of fun and aim to make more friends rather than boyfriends. If you are happy and confident in yourself, that will be a bigger turn on than if you come across as needy. Plus, relationships all seem to come along just when you're not looking....

[ursula62]

Perhaps without realising it, you are giving off vibes that say "I want a relationship".

Try approaching men as friends first, rather than sizing them up as potential dates, or future husbands/partners.

If you're worried about the size of your circle of friends, remember, it is better to have one good friend than a whole gaggle of people who won't be there for you when you need help and support.  

Try joining a club or society that interests you, e.g writing, painting, gardening, rambling. You are likely to make new friends who have something in common with you that way.

And... remember, the one for you can come from the most surprising places. A friend of mine was bewailing the same as you - she said she never met any nice men. She joined a rambling group, but after going on a few weekend walks she was tempted not to go again, because they were "all old people". We talked her into persevering. Then she got invited to a birthday party for one of the members.... this woman's son turned out to be the man of her dreams and she is happily married with 2 kids now!

[Octavius]

"I'd like to be happy for once"

From this closing statement I think that there is more than just a relationship issue.  I am reading from your post that you have a lack a lot of confidence, and I think before trying to find that someone, you should focus on YOU.  

Get out and about and into social situations, perhaps through work or a local college course or something.   Men are 2 a penny (I should know I am one!!) and the decent ones don't tend to look on the internet for a partner (although it's not unheard of).  Once you build up your own confidence and self-esteem you will find that people will respond more to you and who knows maybe the odd gentlemans eyelashes may flutter in your direction across the frozen peas!

Another person can make you feel happy and they can make you feel miserable, but the real path to happiness stems from within you - and you will need that for the times when relationships and things in life generally don't work out (promotion, getting that job etc).  Focus on you first.  

[emzzy]

Thank you all for all your advice and suggestions. I think it has helped to hear things from people who are totally impartial and to be honest I think I already knew most of what you have all said, I just needed to hear it from someone who isnt smiling with pity saying 'don't worry dear. I'm considering taking up an evening course in something at college that will not only let me meet more people and gain some more confidence but will also help me get where I want to career wise. A new pub has just opened locally as well so I may apply for an evening job there. I have done done it before and its one thing I'm good at, maybe I'll be a step closer to being happier with myself. Thanks again for all of your help! x

[ursula62]

Best of luck emzzy.

[advicegirl]

First don't worrie about your age. It's ok. You don't need to worrie about not being able to find somebody yet. You're still at a young age. I think that if you were to get out and be more social and don't worrie about not looking like a pole. You will find the right person for you. Just keep your head you will find somebody, but remember you don't need a guy. It's ok not to be with anybody. Don't be one of those girls that depend on their man. Hope that helps.