ex not allowing access to my bf's sons.

[Jenarry]

it's a very long story but my boyfriend separated from his ex last year and she stopped him from seeing his two sons unless he went back to her. ( i can't believe people use their children this way!!!)
it was hard for my bf but he stayed away and went the legal route to get access which cost a lot of money and took over a year. when it finally went to court he was granted access every other wkend which he has been having for a couple of months and has been enjoying being with his sons again .
but the last time he went to pick them up his ex didn't let them out of the house and was prompting the older son to say that he wouldn't see him until he splits up with me.she is harrassing my bf with texts everyday. the record was 25 long ranting texts in one day,sometimes there's a threatening tone in them . she has also been spotted snooping around his house with the boys in tow even though she wasn't actually letting them see their dad at the time.the police have been involved and child protection. but my main question is what can my bf do about his access. he doesn't even know whether to go and try to pick them up his boys this wkend as it was quite upsetting for him and it must be for the boys too. how can he get her to stick to the access agreement?

[sara3]

I would suggest he contacts the court that made his access order, and discusses it with them.

[jno]

keep a record of the texts too, they might come in handy.

[daffy654]

Don't just keep a record of the texts, keep the actual texts. You can either save them to a memory card if the phone has that function, or transfer them to a PC using the phone synchronisation software. Also keep a diary (with dates and times) with details of any and all contact either of you has with the woman.

[beverleymot]

take her back to court- it wont cost anything provided he represents himself as there is already an order in place., and keep a diary of what's going on- any contact made, texts or phonecalls received etc... if this keeps occuring then eventally she will receive a fine of £50 each time she refuses access, or a prison sentence. have you maybe considered letting him seeing his kids without you present?! ( just to save arguments and maybe create a happy medium?)

[Jemisa]

Stop the texts by getting a new phone & Number. & Yes go back to court.

[Jenarry]

i have suggested that beverleymot as it seems like a simple answer but my bf is reluctant firstly because he thinks it has nothing to do with how the boys feel - they've been nothing but happy when they have been with us and have enjoyed meeting me and playing with my little boy-it's all about what she wants.
but secondly not only has she said that the boys don't want to come if i'm there but also she has said they won't come until their dad has split up with me which of course is an unreasonable request ....and what would be next.

[beverleymot]

take her back to court and request to see a CAFCASS officer, they will liase between father and mother and come to the best solution- more than likely this will include access with you present. CAFCASS never deny access unless its for an exceptionally good reason, and she has to abide by the contact order they recommend. They may want to talk to the children and get a view of what contact they would like, but this depends on the childrens age. when the children are supposed to be with you once the order has been made and she refuses to hand them over she is breaking the law.

[Jenarry]

so does my bf have to go through this whole process again then. cafcass have already been involved before as his ex was making all sorts of claims about him being unsuitable to have access to the boys and the judge in the court hearing was happy with their report dismissing her claims and granted my bf his alternate weekend access. so 2 months down the line she is now saying all sorts of things about me and stopping the boys from seeing his dad. it's all so petty and i'm sure it's not what the boys want.

[beverleymot]

its the only way youre ever gonna get anywhere im afraid... i been through it for almost 5 years now.... but it will reap the rewards for all those uneccessarily involved in the end... any threatening behaviour just tell the police as it will strengthen your case.... and anytime she doesnt grant access write a letter with dates and times your ex went to collect and send it to your local court office to add to your court file... every little helps ;-)

[beverleymot]

sorry meant to say when your partner went to collect not your ex apologies!!

[beverleymot]

also i wouldnt advise your partner changing his number as if there is an emergency and she cant get hold of him not only will he feel bad but she will prob hold it against him to make him look like a bad father in the future or in court

[dotty.]

what prompted the police involvement and child protection? (what agency do they work for?)

[Jenarry]

yes beverleymot my partner has decided against changing his phone or blocking her number in case there is an emergency but i really don't know how he puts up with getting her mad ranting texts from her all the time.the police have been involved because of the texts-particularly a couple with a real threatening tone to them and because of an incident where she made the trip to a car show she had a good idea we would be at and caused a horrible scene screaming and shouting at us-threatening to kill me,etc. all in front of my little boy and their two boys. also child protection have been involved beacause of this and also the ex on occasions phoning up screaming and shouting and getting the 7 yr old older son on the phone obviously upset and crying and shouting that he doesn't want to see me. (then when we see him in person he doesn't even mention anything). some of this would make sense if i'd caused their break up but they'd been split up for a year before i met my bf. well anyway no-one seems very keen to help and the courts just want my bf to get a solicitor again and spend another load of money with no-one really ensuring that the ex sticks to the court order made.

[beverleymot]

if she rings up ranting answer it but just leave it on the side with her still on the other end of the phone... she will soon get sick of wasting her credit. take her back to court and find out what will happen if she doesnt stick to the order- get names of everyone in court , and if necessary when she refuses to hand the kids over stay at the house and call the police to her house to remind her there is an order in place.. is it possible that another family member could pick the kids up from her house, or even someone from her own family? out of sight out of mind and all that...

[boxtops]

I feel sorry for the boys, they are caught in the middle of all this and must be feeling so torn - if they love their dad but mum is telling them to say they don;t want to see him. Get back to court, please do, for the sake of the lads.

[Jenarry]

yes I know boxtops-it's very sad. my bf is very mindful of what the effect all this must have on the boys but unfortunately their mum is not giving it the same thought.
i don't know how he copes with it all so calmly. but it does upset him and all he wants is to see his boys.
calling the police next time she refuses him access to the boys sounds like a good idea.