a tactful way of asking

[beastmonkey]

we got married a few weeks ago (hooray) we came back from the honeymoon yesterday.

whilst we were going through the cards/gifts we noticed 3 people hadn't given us anything (card or gift).

now i am not saying that they ought to have given us anything, but what i am concerned about is, that of these 3 people:

1)all them rsvp'd before the wedding (showing they know the correct protocol)
2)all are friends from uni days (so would class them as immediate friends)
3)one of the 3 has sent a thank you card to my parents in law.

the thing is all 3 were on the same table and i wonder if they left the cards on the table and they went missing.

my problem is this, how do i tactfully ask them if they did indeed do this, as obviously i need to send a thank you for any gift/present, but if i don't know that they left anything i can't send a thank you note and obviously when one doesn't arrive they are going to think me rude.

I don't really want to ask outright as this could cause embarrassment all round.

any help greatly appreciated.

[B00]

Personally, id thank them anyway. If they hadn't bought you a card at least, that might shame 'em!

Congratulations :-)

[Sqad]

You are married now, so be prepared for bigger problems to come.
Let the matter drop.

[boxtops]

Can you get round it by sending a generic sort of message to all your guests saying "thank you so much for being with us on our wedding day, and special thanks to all our friends and relatives who gave us such lovely cards and generous gifts".

[Bobbisox]

Like BOO says, then if they didn't???

[B00]

On second thoughts, go with boxtops's idea, much better!

(Dammit!)

[society]

You're in a pickle here matey.

Perhaps find a way to mention about you having to write thank-you cards to them and see their reactions or hear their comments and take it from there.

[Bobbisox]

it would be a bit difficult to implement but there is always FB I suppose

[boxtops]

We actually did something like I suggest ourselves, a couple of presents hadn't got labels on by the time we opened them, so we had to be suitably vague...

[ladyalex]

I'm with Boo. Send them a thank you card .
If they have left you cards or presents, you're never going to see them now, but they won't know that, so will think you very ungrateful.
(As they sent PIL a card, sounds as though they probably did leave something for you which has been snaffled by someone else.)
This puts you firmly in the right whatever has happened, so you can then do as Squad suggests and let the matter drop.

[McMouse]

Why not send a card to them thanking them for coming to your wedding and supporting you.

[Sqad]

We are talking friends here.......is it SUCH a big deal?

[Bobbisox]

it is called etiquette sqadds

[cherry_c_s]

I am not sure how i would approach this situation ,but i do like the answers you have already received,

[Sqad]

bobbi.....LOL...........that word is way down in my vocabulary.

[Bobbisox]

and you are geet posh in 'all sqad..lol

[LoftyLottie]

I don't think so Sqad. Personally, I would forget about it. I know when my son's friends have got married they haven't had presents from all their mates even though they were invited to the wedding. Are you male or female and are these male friends. Blokes are particularly bad at buying cards and presents in my opinion.

[LoftyLottie]

Sqad and I know all about etiquette, but choose to forget it Bobbi ;o)! I hate weddings so just don't go to them, let alone buy a present.

[craft1948]

I love weddings that much I send presents but don't go......

[LoftyLottie]

Awful occasions. Fortunately my child thinks the same so I will never have to be the mother of the bridegroom and wear stupid clothes. I have told him if he ever gets married to just go and do it and tell me afterwards!!

[DEN53]

Congratulations beastmonkey.

It would seem highly unlikey that they did'nt send a card or present. They may have put money or vouchers in the cards and the cards went missing. I would send thank you cards anyway to them.