How do I get the culprit to own up?

[annie0000]

While the boys were brushing their teeth tonight, the blind in the bathroom (small roman blind) all unfolded - when I checked the strings, they were both frayed at the same point - the other end where it wraps around the cleat was frayed a few inches up from the point where it was wound onto the cleat. There was a piece of the string lying on the windowsil and the bit at the end of the string with a fancy wee wooden ball thing fell off into my hand when I touched it. The nail scissors were also lying on the windowsil. This blind is for show and is never actually raised or lowered - it hasn't been moved since it was fitted.

I believe that this just didn't happen due to wear and tear.

I know I didn't cut it and nor did mr annie - if we presume that I don't have a poltergeist, that leaves No1 son (age 10) and No 2 son (age 9) in the frame. Both deny touching it.

It bears all the hallmarks of no 1 son, but I shouldn't just assume it was him.

How do I get the culprit to won up? I have explained at this point to them that I will be more angry with them for lying than for cutting the blind but no joy - they've gone to bed to sleep on it and I've told them I expect a confession in the morning.

Any tricks to get them to tell the truth?

[annie0000]

lol butch - I did say that I had a friend in the police who could fingerprint the scissors.

[craft1948]

If they don't own up in the morning I'd just say how disappointed I was, and that as a new blind is now required they'll both have x amount deducted from their allowances to save up for a new one.

[anneasquith]

id go for a DNA sample, simple mouth swab

[Halifaxmum]

Hi annie

Sorry I've no ideas, but if you do find any, please let me know!

My son and daughter always do stuff like this - the 'you're more in trouble for lying rather than owning up' doesn't work. We used to have a lovely old retriever called Bert, he died a couple of years ago. When the kids do things like this, I always say it's Bert again! lol

I think this is just kids though, unless it's something really serious, I try not to get too heavy with it. Maybe say that unless one of them owns up, they'll both have to pay for a new one (through doing chores to earn the money to pay for it?)

[karenmac60]

Instead of telling them how angry you'll be with them for lying, try telling them how brave and grown up it would be for them to own up and how proud it would make you to have such a brave boy. If you get a confession you have to go easy on the culprit though, as it'll never work again :)

[Hopkirk]

If the culprit owns up, what do you plan to do then? Have you thought about it?

Perhaps better to drop the whole issue. You have made your displeasure known.

Just replace the blind and move on.

[andy-hughes]

It's a tough one.

If you take the 'I am really disappointed with you, that one who has done something wrong is going to get his brother into trouble as well. Because if no-one owns up, i will have to punish both of you, the innocent as well as the guilty.'

If you say that in a calm voice without shouting, I'm tipping that neither of your children are hard-faced enough to see his brother take the blame for something he hasn't done. Stare at the oldest, and I'm betting it will show in his face. Ask him if he did it - if he confesses, he may cry.

You have to explain that this is an imporant lesson - you can never lie your way out of trouble, you can only lie your way into bigger trouble.

I have no idea how much discipline your boys need - I've got girls, different approach - but make a punishment to fit the crime, and afterwards, remind him again that lying does not pay, and he should always own up.

[Buenchico]

Here's my suggestion ;-)
http://tinyurl.com/2d2oege

[annie0000]

The blind was a cheap Ikea job - think it only cost a fiver, it's more the hassle than anything else - in fact, theres miles of string. I can probably restring it for nothing - its the fact that they have been destructive and lying that bothers me - to be fair, for boys, I have had very few things broken over the years, so they are pretty good normally.

[andy-hughes]

My answer came in after all the others had posted, so I didn;t see them first - some agree with me, some don't. Hopefully we are all food for thought.

[Halifaxmum]

@Buenchico lol lol lol!

[annie0000]

andy lol - it's obvious that you dont have boys - they would delight in seeing each other in trouble for something that they had done!

To be fair, they don't need a lot of discipline - the main reason they get in trouble os for not listening to what they have been asked to do and therefore not doing it.

Hopkirk, I wasn't thinking of a big punishment to be honest, it was the fact that they both feined surprise and immediately blamed each other. Come to think of it, a joint venture is not out of the question really.

karen - might gve that a try.

Halifax - so you have a dog poltergeist then do you?

Chris - lol

[Halifaxmum]

apparently yes annie! or so my kids would convince me, little boogers lol

[jno]

is it actually important to find a culprit and get them to own up?

I did the occasional dumb thing when I was young. My parents would just shrug and say 'What on earth did you do that for?' If they'd got the wrong person, I would protest my innocence; if not I would just mumble an explanation (if there was one) and apology.

The key to this was that they loved me more than the blind (or whatever) and realised that kids do silly things. If it had been a Ming vase I'd broken they might have been angrier; but for a £5 blind they'd just have suggested I be a bit more careful in future.

As you say, they've not been destructive in the past, so it's not as if you have to crack down to protect them from entering a life of crime. In your shoes I'd just hug them and tell them to take more care, My parents did it to me - and I did it with jno jnr. We all turned out okay.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

[jaydah]

forget it, dont want the kids having nightmares. Your stupid fault for leaving scissors around. Kids are too young to be labled liars.

Buy them some jelly babies from me.

[andy-hughes]

Yep - with my older two it was easy. Youngest would look innocent if she was innocent, with a "What are you telling me for?" look on her face, and the oldest would tough it out, but was subconciously dropped in it by her little sister. If the ytounger one was guilty, she would cry instantly as though the world was about to end!

Youngest was so sweet, you only had to frown at her and she would cry, she was an angel!

[annie0000]

true jno - as I say, it's the fact that they both flatly denied touching it - I didn't shout, i just said that I wanted whoever did it to tell the truth as it's not nice to tell lies.

We are off for some in-service days, so I don't want to ruin our day off tomorrow. We have the dentist first thing and then to the soft play and laserquest. I'll either not mention it again, or ask one more time and then forget it.

We'll see!

[annie0000]

jaydah, they are 10 and 9, not toddlers - why would I hide scisssors from them?

(apart from to stop them cutting the cords in the blind of course ;o))