sex

[saxo_boi]

iv been with my gf for about a year and a half now, we used to have a great sex life, at it all the time etc. now shes just stopped, she has no interest in it anymore, and its kind of getting me worried, all i can think is that shes going off of me. ive never treated her badly or forced her into doing anything. i still love her but its getting in the way of our relationship and making us argue.

thanks

[kick3m0n]

you have to talk to her about this.  Communication is essential for good sex, and for a good relationship.  Ask her what's up.  She may not even know.  Stress, money worries, work, etc can all quite easily impact on a  womans sex drive.  Don't focus the conversation on you (ie "I think you're going off me").....make it all about her.   Let her know you care and want to resolve this problem, for her sake, and that of your relationship.  You say this is making you argue....is that when you specifically bring up the subject of sex, or are you both just tetchy with each other without stating why?  You must talk about it.  If she won't.......maybe she really has goen off you, but explore all other avenues first.

[saxo_boi]

thanks mate, i dont really know whywe argue but i know that its pushing us apart. we dio communicate really well though, this is whats confusing me., but ill have to speak to her again and sort it out. thank you

[magicdice]

do something reeeeeeeeeeeally romantic, take her to her favourite place, do something she's always wanted to do, let her know you love her, THEN maybe bring it up but not as an issue. get her to explain to you what she's feeling & why, then try to work on it

good luck x

[morg_monster]

I had the same prob after going out with my bf for a couple of years. I used to get very defensive whenever he broached the subject of why i didn't seem to want to have sex any more, because I knew that I still loved him tons and I just didn't understand why i suddenly just didn't seem to have much of a sex drive any more.  It was really frustrating, because one we were, er, doing it, it was great, it was just getting started - i seemed to just never feel horny!  But I was worried that he would think I didn't want to be with him any more, which just wasn't true.  It led to arguments, so eventually my bf stopped asking about it and we just went through a dry patch. But our relationship became stronger as we wer able to talk openly about it all, he accepted that it wasn't him, it was all down to me, and sex has picked up again, though not to the rate that it was at the start of the relationship.  My bf has accepted that I just don't get the urge as much as him, and I've accepted that I don't always need to feel mega-horny to 'do it'

I'd just recommend to try and talk about it but if she gets upset try not to push it.  Some of us just don't have such a sex drive and if this is the case then unfortunately it is something you will just have to learn to live with.  Constantly bringing it up will cause problems.  It is hard to keep your sex life like it is at the start of a relationship - things naturally slow down (thank god or we'd all die prematurely I think).

[saxo_boi]

lol, yea i know. its just a hard thing to get your head round, you know what i mean? i can really relate to what you are saying though, it sounds like exactly the same situation. its not that she doesnt like the sex, its more of actually getting her into the mood at the start. once we get going its pretty much fine, but its just the start bit. ive tried so many different things though to try to get her in "the mood" like going for a meal and having a romantic evening and just doing whatever she wants to do but it gets me no where and it makes me so frustrating. i know it probly seems such a petty thing to worry about but its really starting to get me down. we always talk about it and she always seems to just want to get off of the subject. i suppose i just have to do what you say though and just not look for it, then it may naturally come to me. if you get what i mean. the thing is also that she says when we get older and married etc then we will have a good sex life again, the thing is what will change once were married? its aweird situation to be in as you know, by the sounds of it.thank you so much for all your help though everyone, its appreciated.x

[ann_h]

I think it's quite common to taper off after a while. If that becomes an issue, it can be self-perpetuating. Perhaps she knows you're taking her out etc to get her in the mood, not just because you want to take her out and be with her. Try surprising her by spending the next week giving her smiles, kisses, cuddles and shoulder rubs etc without ever once straying to her breasts and other bits at the first opportunity.

[Miss Zippy]

I think we�ve all been there at some stage or another.  The �honeymoon� stage in a relationship doesn�t last and this is when you have to start putting some effort into keeping the physical side of your relationship alive. I am almost certain your girlfriend hasn�t gone off you, you just need to put a bit more effort into getting her in the mood, although it sounds like you have the right attitude.  Suggest having relaxing baths together, offer to give her massages and rubs (not a full body massage, unless she wants to, just head, neck and shoulders which is very relaxing and can be a turn on in itself).  For the first few times though, do not let her think that you expect it to lead to anything and show her you just want to make her feel relaxed and to feel close to her. Remind your gf of all the ways you can give her pleasure and let her see that you�re not doing it solely so you will get pleasure in return. Once your girlfriend feels the pressure is off to have sex, she will probably want it!   

[morg_monster]

ahh bless you millsy you sound like a good bf!  something that kind of helped us was using ky jelly or similar - trying not be too rude - but it let us have a kind of 'compromise', meant that sex wasn't painful if I wasn't that turned on, and as i said, once we got going, it was great!  (I suggested this - though once i told my bf he said he had also considered it, but thought I might think that he was trying to force me into it, probably could be a minefield...)  I found that, the more we did it, the more i wanted it, and the less we did it, the less i wanted it... so it is kind of a self-perpetuating problem.  But you sound like you are on the right track, hopefully it will just pick up again some time.  best of luck.

[Gem123]

me and my boyfriend always argue about this.He always wants it and i dont want it as much as him.

My problem is the way that he brings the subject up, like saying lets go upstairs..... I would rather him start things of physically like by kissin me or something.

Its not that i dont love him or have gone off sex with him its that i want it to be more romantic in the way things get started.

[milly1984]

As already suggested, try not to mention it to her for a while as she may think that is all you want her for (i've been in the same situation with my boyfriend). Do nice romantic things with her, spend lots of time cuddling letting her know you care about her, but don't try it on. Talk to her more, take an interest in what she has to say and just try be a very loving boyfriend, as I'm sure you are! Eventually she will make the first move because she wants you!

[saxo_boi]

yea i agree with what your all saying to me, i spose i have to just not expect anything and just try to show her howmuch i love her. its a hard thing to get your head around though isnt it. the thing is sex isnt really that big a part for me, its just the fact that she has gone off of it which is worrying me. i really do appreciate everything that youve written though, thanks. and also isnt this site well addictive! i cant keep myself off of it. thanks again everyone i really appreciate it! its really helped me aswel, just  talking on here about it has stopped me worrying about it. really weird! lol, thanks!

[saxo_boi]

i just wanted to say thank you to everyone who's posted an answer, your quality THANK YOU!