ChatterBank2 mins ago
What are the reasons people have children?
I was reading this thread (http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Society-and-C
ulture/Question986440-5.html)
from a couple of weeks ago and it made me think also why is it that if you don't have children by a cetrain age you get treated like a weirdo, and also why do people actually decide to have children?
When I've asked friends, none can give me a straight answer, its usually "that's what people do, isn't it" - err, no not necessarily...
Me and my partner are unmarried, have been together 6 years, love eachother & are best friends, but we don't have any burning desire to get married or to have kids, but we are constantly asked/nagged about it by family, friends, colleagues etc.
We are now among the minority of our friends in not having kids, and I think I will actually scream if one more smug new parent says to me "you'll be next"!!!
The reason I won't is that I have no understanding of what motivates people to have a child in the first place. I have finally got my life to a place where I can do what I want when I want - why would I change that? There are already too many people on this planet so why would I add to that?
I know some people have kids because they don't mean to, but what about the rest? Is it as simple as because its what is expected of us?
ulture/Question986440-5.html)
from a couple of weeks ago and it made me think also why is it that if you don't have children by a cetrain age you get treated like a weirdo, and also why do people actually decide to have children?
When I've asked friends, none can give me a straight answer, its usually "that's what people do, isn't it" - err, no not necessarily...
Me and my partner are unmarried, have been together 6 years, love eachother & are best friends, but we don't have any burning desire to get married or to have kids, but we are constantly asked/nagged about it by family, friends, colleagues etc.
We are now among the minority of our friends in not having kids, and I think I will actually scream if one more smug new parent says to me "you'll be next"!!!
The reason I won't is that I have no understanding of what motivates people to have a child in the first place. I have finally got my life to a place where I can do what I want when I want - why would I change that? There are already too many people on this planet so why would I add to that?
I know some people have kids because they don't mean to, but what about the rest? Is it as simple as because its what is expected of us?
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In a lot of people it's an overwhelming desire. Why would people go through the pain and expense of IVF if it wasn't?
I have a married but childless Aunt. That's the way she wants it and that's the way she's staying...fair enough. Each to their own.
Don't be bothered by the people who say 'it'll be you next' they are only judging you on their own desires.
I have a married but childless Aunt. That's the way she wants it and that's the way she's staying...fair enough. Each to their own.
Don't be bothered by the people who say 'it'll be you next' they are only judging you on their own desires.
I suppose I had my 2 children because I knew I wanted them, the same way you know you don't want them.
If you and your partner have no desire to have children then that is your choice, bugger what others think. I can understand your annoyance with being asked all the time when it will be your turn etc.. but I think it's just something people say, they don't do it to be rude or annoy you (unless they already know your feelings on having kids etc. then maybe they do do it to annoy you or see if they can change your mind!) but just ignore them :o)
If you and your partner have no desire to have children then that is your choice, bugger what others think. I can understand your annoyance with being asked all the time when it will be your turn etc.. but I think it's just something people say, they don't do it to be rude or annoy you (unless they already know your feelings on having kids etc. then maybe they do do it to annoy you or see if they can change your mind!) but just ignore them :o)
-- answer removed --
I do wish people wouldn't question people or drop hints to childless people. It is no business of anyone else. I didn't have a child until I was 36. Fortunately, neither family ever dropped hints or asked us why. I was ready for a child at 36. It came as a surprise to me that I would ever consider wanting a child.
But when I had my one and only child I got so fed up with people (fortunately not family) asking when I was going to have another one as it wasn't a good idea to only have one. It was our decision (never regretted) to stop at one.
Simply, it is no business of anyone else whether you have children or how many children you have, and that includes close family.
But when I had my one and only child I got so fed up with people (fortunately not family) asking when I was going to have another one as it wasn't a good idea to only have one. It was our decision (never regretted) to stop at one.
Simply, it is no business of anyone else whether you have children or how many children you have, and that includes close family.
Good for you, and stick to your guns. I didn't have kids till I was over 30 and like you got all the usual remarks. Ignore 'em. Do what you feel comfortable doing. It is amazing how (women especially I think) are the recipients of other people's opinipns all their lives - because you haven't bred - and then when you do, oh boy! just listen to them telling you what you're doing wrong!
I think children are made for numerous complex and simple reasons, on a spectrum from greed and carelessness to love and commitment. Which is fine if you want them. And choosing not to be a parent similarly. And as long as you aren't asking society for hand-outs, it's your own business what you choose.
I think children are made for numerous complex and simple reasons, on a spectrum from greed and carelessness to love and commitment. Which is fine if you want them. And choosing not to be a parent similarly. And as long as you aren't asking society for hand-outs, it's your own business what you choose.
-- answer removed --
I never want to have my own children, but pets are enough for me. Read somewhere in a paper that parents love their pets more than their children, so I will choose the cheaper option. Only problem is when you want to go away, what do you do with your pets. Don't recall many pets smashing up the place, and leaving home either.
Childless marriage possible, ladies?
Childless marriage possible, ladies?
-- answer removed --
Good on you fraggle!
Far too many people simply drift into having children without any thought whether they want them or not, and without regard to whether they can support them both financially and emotionally. Many of them cannot do so meaning the taxpayer is left to foot the bill and society in general is left to deal with their lack of emotional support. Many of the relationships that produce these children are rocky to say the least. They often break down soon after the children are born leaving all the problems that come with single parenthood.
People should think before they have children as you have done. They need to ask themselves a number of important questions and if they have any doubts they should not have any offspring. It would not matter if fewer children were born. As you have said, there are already far too many people in the world. Of course along will come the hand wringers suggesting that a falling population will jeopardise our ability to provide for people in their old age. This is an invalid argument. It is clearly not sustainable to have an ever increasing population and ways must be found to support each other with a static or even, dare I say it, a reducing headcount.
You should tell people who are bullying you into having children to mind their own business. It is the most important decision by far that anybody can take but unfortunately it seems that few people take a reasoned decision at all. Even more unfortunate is that the very people who should think long and hard before reproducing are very often precisely the people who put no thought into it at all.
Far too many people simply drift into having children without any thought whether they want them or not, and without regard to whether they can support them both financially and emotionally. Many of them cannot do so meaning the taxpayer is left to foot the bill and society in general is left to deal with their lack of emotional support. Many of the relationships that produce these children are rocky to say the least. They often break down soon after the children are born leaving all the problems that come with single parenthood.
People should think before they have children as you have done. They need to ask themselves a number of important questions and if they have any doubts they should not have any offspring. It would not matter if fewer children were born. As you have said, there are already far too many people in the world. Of course along will come the hand wringers suggesting that a falling population will jeopardise our ability to provide for people in their old age. This is an invalid argument. It is clearly not sustainable to have an ever increasing population and ways must be found to support each other with a static or even, dare I say it, a reducing headcount.
You should tell people who are bullying you into having children to mind their own business. It is the most important decision by far that anybody can take but unfortunately it seems that few people take a reasoned decision at all. Even more unfortunate is that the very people who should think long and hard before reproducing are very often precisely the people who put no thought into it at all.
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