ex partner problems

[net1961]

i finished a ten year relationship with my partner about a month ago (same sex) i got so fed up with her controlling behaviour among other things.i fell for another woman aswell which hasn't helped matters.we have to share the house still as its joint tenancy.but my ex partner is even more controlling she banned my new partner from visiting the house even when she's at work or away on holiday.she texts and rings me when i'm out with my new partner demanding to know the excact time i will be home. she even told me to tell my new partner not to wave goodbye to me when she drops me off home outside the house. but when i tell her she has no right to tell me what to do she says i should respect her. and starts laying a guilt trip on me. i had told her for 8 years if she didn't make a effort to change if someone else came along i wouldn't say no.our relationship thearpist we had been seeing for well over a year also told her it wasnt if but when i met someone else she would lose me if she didn't make a effort so it's not like all this came out of the blue but she is making me pay big time. how can i tell her to stay out of my life in a way she can't guilt trip me.

[carmalee]

you can't tell her to strop trying to control your life but you can stop letting it happen - just calmly tell her that you aren't a couple any more and you are going to live your life the way you want it not the way she wants it. As long as you allow her to control you she will continue to. Show her the same respect you would show anyone but firmly take the reins from her and stop being a victim! good luck

[boxtops]

I agree with carmalee - you can only be victim in all this, if you let yourself be one. Put the boot on the other foot - you start laying down some rules for her, like "butt out of my life". You have joint tenancy so it's not as if it's her house, she can't tell you who can come to the house - you could say "X is coming tonight, I want you to go out".
It might be a joint tenancy, but have you explored how to break it, so you can move out and move on, or buy out your ex in some way?

[muchlovex]

You both need to live separately, in order for you to both move on. Don't allow her to make you feel guilty.

You can go out and come back when ever time you like. It sounds like your ex is jealous that you've found someone else.

best wishes,

[joeluke]

You still live with you ex so her seeing you with your new partner is just rubbing her nose in it big time

You should use some tact and your new partner should drop you off out of view of your house

The phrase 'kicking someone when they are down' springs to mind

Think of how you'd react if the boot was on the other foot?

[cathfromsaron]

new flat and new telephone number! xx

[net1961]

if the boot was on the other foot i wouldn't blame her. but ever since she moved in with me back in 2003 she changed from this caring loving compassionate woman into a controlling selfish woman. i give u just one example while in hospital being told i had had 2 suspected heart attacks when i was only 46 year old come as a frightening shock . but then not long before i was to be discharged my partner was asking the doctors if i would be ok to travel to see her family in a couple of weeks time. one doctor said no so she asked another doctor who said yes but i had to be careful at no time did she bother asking me if i felt well enough to make a 5/6 hour car journey. so on hearing her plans i asked if she could just wait a month until i felt better she said a point blank no she had booked holiday off work and told me i either go with her or stay with my parents who i add are elderly and not in good health.so i felt compelled to go with her. but she and her family put me under so much stress i ended up back in hospital where her family live. that is just one example.
and since i had to give up work 3 years ago she has rubbed it in at every oppertunity she is the wage earner and she pays the bills etc doesn't mention my benefit goes into her bank account but i still had to ask her for every penny i needed.
as this is a family page i will try and put this as politly as i can but also for the past 8 years she has only wanted to do something 3 times a year with lots of different excuses which made me feel so rejected which she knew but never once said sorry she was making me feel this way but just ignored how i felt. i really really tried to make the relationship work but the more i gave the more she would take. i have a mental illness and for a few years my cpn has been advising me i would be better off without her saying she was emotionally abusing me my doctor told me she was being manilupitive . for weeks before i finally finished it with her even before i m

[bednobs]

have to say i agree with the others - you need a new place. TBH, 1 month is not long to get over a 10 year relationship, so it's not surprising she feels like this

[ummmm]

I agree with Joe. Moving on in less than a month is a mighty kick in the teeth.