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Talking to my mother
7 Answers
I have a really complicated mother, she is very easliy made angry but is also very controling! how do i talk to someone like this? I know this probably sounds bad, she is my mother, but i am so so close to moving out because of the control she has over me and I would rather try and sort things out and not move. But then i wouldnt wanna try and talk to her and her get all angry and never speak to me again...
please any advice? :(
please any advice? :(
Answers
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Be honest.
Wait for a quiet moment (well away from any conflict) and simply say, "Mum, I'd really like to talk to you about how I feel, but I'm scared that we'll simply end up having a row. Do you think that we can talk?"
(Please don't take this as 'patronising', but I'd like to say that I'm impressed when I read of a teenager who wants to seek reconciliation rather than conflict. It shows a level of maturity that many young people simply don't have).
Wait for a quiet moment (well away from any conflict) and simply say, "Mum, I'd really like to talk to you about how I feel, but I'm scared that we'll simply end up having a row. Do you think that we can talk?"
(Please don't take this as 'patronising', but I'd like to say that I'm impressed when I read of a teenager who wants to seek reconciliation rather than conflict. It shows a level of maturity that many young people simply don't have).
My father was the same about getting angry, you could be having a simple conversation and he would take offence at the slightest thing and he would blow his top.
It made having any sort of conversation with him very difficult and we all finished up walking on eggshells for fear of upsetting him.
He was not so much controlling, but spent his whole life putting down his wife (my mother) and his children leaving me in adulthood with a very low opinion of myself.
But I dont know the answer, as I never solved the problem and he died few years ago. I finished up hating him the last few years of his life and cheered when he died.
Unfortunatley nobody mourns his death, my mother, nor any of my brothers and sisters.
I just think some people are not very nice and spend their whole life with a chip on their shoulder, believing they are right and everyone else is wrong, making other people's life hell.
Good luck.
It made having any sort of conversation with him very difficult and we all finished up walking on eggshells for fear of upsetting him.
He was not so much controlling, but spent his whole life putting down his wife (my mother) and his children leaving me in adulthood with a very low opinion of myself.
But I dont know the answer, as I never solved the problem and he died few years ago. I finished up hating him the last few years of his life and cheered when he died.
Unfortunatley nobody mourns his death, my mother, nor any of my brothers and sisters.
I just think some people are not very nice and spend their whole life with a chip on their shoulder, believing they are right and everyone else is wrong, making other people's life hell.
Good luck.
You say she is easily made angry - but how is she afterwards - does she get over the anger quickly. Is it a short fuse - and then she is sorry. Or does it continue with a sulk. Is she angry for a period of time.
Is she stressed, maybe she gets angry because she is living under pressure. Does she enjoy her life - or not.
Is her own mother (your grandmother) alive - is she controlling too. Is she controlling because she feels everything is out of her control.
I suspect she would hate you to move out and that she is sorry after she becomes angry. Is she a single parent? Sorry to ask so many questions.
My dad would fly off the handle over nothing, but he was always sorry after the outburst.
Is she stressed, maybe she gets angry because she is living under pressure. Does she enjoy her life - or not.
Is her own mother (your grandmother) alive - is she controlling too. Is she controlling because she feels everything is out of her control.
I suspect she would hate you to move out and that she is sorry after she becomes angry. Is she a single parent? Sorry to ask so many questions.
My dad would fly off the handle over nothing, but he was always sorry after the outburst.
I'm with Buenchico on this one. Your mum is lucky to have such a thoughtful child. For some reason I assume you are a girl....Try suggesting a shopping trip maybe with a coffee together. Then say how nice it has been to spend some quality time together. YOu might find that your mum is unhappy herself and just needs some TLC. Good luck.
If she's never been any different, then you might have to accept that she won't change. Everyone's experience is different, but you're an adult now - a real bona fide grown-up - and you deserve to be happy. Of course you want to stay on good terms with your mother, but not at the expense of your happiness. If you stay because you're afraid of her anger or afraid of losing her, then how are you ever going to have a life of your own? If she is controlling you, then you are allowing her to do so by putting up with it and staying where you are. Tell her how you feel by all means, but if nothing changes, you really have to put yourself first. Remember - if she's that controlling she won't want to be out of your life for long, even if you do move out! I don't think you need be afraid of losing her.
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