Friend pushing me out of comfort zone. What do I do?

[Lov3shy]

I have a situation going on with one of my friends who's basically trying to get me out my comfort zone to try to increase my chances of getting a boyfriend. We were both speaking yesterday on Facebook and she said her friend and herself didn't think that I would hold hands or kiss a guy in public because they believe I lack the confidence to do that. Little does she know that I would be fine doing that because, assuming this would be a boyfriend, I would be comfortable with them (I have openly flirted with gay guy friends in public may I add, just not in her presence. NB: I'm not very comfortable around her anyway because she's controlling and very different to me).

This Friday, she plans on going out for a meal and I'm fine with that, it's the part after that I'm not looking forward to — going out to a gay club because she believes I need to get out of my shell more and that this is THE way to meet guys and THE way to get a boyfriend, which I completely disagree with. I've never been to a club before and, as you may imagine, I'm not the clubbing type. I would rather meet guys properly who are more likely to be sober and who are more serious (I envision that the guys there are only up for a one night stand. My friend even said that I could pull and end up sleeping with a guy, making it out to be a good thing). She will be there with some of her friends (most of whom I do not know) but I know one of them and will, apparently, look after me. I said that I would try to communicate with people but she said that I will communicate with people, saying it as if it must happen.

As I've said, this would be out of my comfort zone and I'm sure that she's doing this for two reasons: 1) To try to get me 'out there' more (I'm more of an introverted person) and 2) to try to get me a guy (a drunken one who wants a one night stand most likely?). I don't actually have any ID yet her friend insists that I'll still be able to get in. I'm not so sure. Even though this is a situation out of my comfort zone, I am (sort of) up for it as I imagine that I would only do this once in the near future (assuming I get in), but a part of me says that this is wrong (out of my comfort zone, unlikely to find myself the sort of guy I'm after etc.). Just note that I am quite shy around strangers (sometimes anyway) and that I do want to get out of my shell, but I don't think this is the way for me to do it considering it's putting me right in the deep end.

What do you think of this situation and what do you think I should do? Any help and advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

[redcrx]

tell her to get a life and to keep her nose out of yours! she doesnt sound like the greatest of friends if shes forcing you to do stuff when you clearly dont want to

[johnk]

Go fot it! Remember you don't have to do anything you don't want to no matter what your friend says. Watch what you drink and especially what's in it. Have an escape plan in case you end up on your own by choice or accident.

Enjoy life this is not a rehearsal

[DaisyNonna]

Just don't go. Sounds more like a bully than a friend. Walk away.

[starone]

Why don't you try it and see what happens. As you are very aware of the dangers of one night stands and drunken behaviour, which don't beome permanent relationships I would think you would be sensible enough not to do anything foolish. Don't drink too much yourself and make sure if you are approached by anyone, you arrange to meet at another time, so that you can think things over before you commit yourself to anything. You might find you enjoy it. (I am heterosexual myself, but that does not matter, the advice still holds good).

[Quassia]

She seems to have the best intentions for you in mind, but she hasn't a clue eh?

[Sqad]

"Comfort Zone?" what is a "Comfort Zone?"...a new modern name to make a simple concept sound important.

If you want to go ...go....if you are not sure....don't go.

Go on....make your own mind up.

Learn to make up your own mind and to stand on your own two feet.

"Comfort Zone?"......what nonsense.

[Quassia]

Comfort zone ... Anything that forces you out of what you are comfortable with! Some of us 'do' have comfort zones sqad.

[Sqad]

Quassia.....ah! you mean forcing someone to do what they don't necessarily want to do?

Ah!,,,,,didn't know it had a name. Didn't know it needed a name.

[Quassia]

Not neccesarily what they 'don't want to do .. more a situation they don't have much confidence in.

[starone]

What he means is he is afraid to go. Well, I am afraid to go to the old people's meetings but I steel myself and go and I always enjoy it, it is great fun (for oldies). It is just the initial effort that is required. If I didn't go I would be stuck in this house never meeting anyone else and getting more and more introverted. So get on with it. Can't remember that quotation - from Shakespeare - the one about once more into the breach etc. but I think it might apply here.

[Quassia]

Some people have a natural confidence. I am not the person I was many years ago. The person I was years ago was a wreck in social situations. I would try my utmost to wriggle out of invites. That person isnt the person I am now.

[Lov3shy]

It's interesting reading through the answers because I can take something from all of them and, to an extent, I agree with them all.

I understand what you're trying to say, sqad, but I wasn't sure about what to do for this one and that is why I asked the question on here, similarly for every other person who asks questions on this site. And, yes, there is such thing as a comfort zone (at that's what we'll call it to simplify what it really is) and Quassia's definition sums it up.

[johnk]

Know what you mean Star, I often don't feel like doing something and have to drag myself out and then when I get back I'm really glad I did it.

[starone]

Here it is - it was Henry V
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more,
Or close the wall up with our English dead!
In peace there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility;
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger:
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood.

[Bobbisox]

meetings happen when you least expect them to Love3shy, an arranged encounter sometime could have reverse affect, pushing someone into a situation they are not comfortable with isn't good, you seem to want to get out there and meet other guys?
Do it and if you feel this particular time isn't for you, then leave
I wish you well

[johnk]

Star, was that the speech before Agincourt when we wopped the French even though we were massively outnumbered. Did Henry V at school a real good read. That particular speech was inspirational.

[grasscarp]

If you are not happy don't go.

[Lov3shy]

The majority of the answers lean towards going and I will but, like said previously, I will be careful and will try to enjoy my time. Perhaps I will be more comfortable than I thought.

Starbuckone, that quote is actually very true and I can empathise with it.

Thank you so much for all of your answers (and any more that may come).

[Bobbisox]

what a lovely mannered young man you seem to be x

[Old_Geezer]

Whilst it is good to go outside your comfort zone occasionally, as it matures you as an individual, it should be your decision. Not that others can not suggest what they think is in your interest, but ultimately you decide.

You say you are uncomfortable around her. Then is there a reason she is your, presumably close, friend?

Have to say I'm not the clubbing type either. I forced myself to go to a few in my youth, but I didn't go a bundle on it. That said, it was better when with friends. I suspect gay specific clubs aren't that different from a meeting folk point of view. It wouldn't hurt you to make the decision to experience a night club, but I'd not hold your breath if I were you. And again it is your decision.

Bye aware there is a benefit to trying to be "out there more", so don't dismiss it unnecessarily. At the moment you can blame your friend for being pushy if you do opt to give it a try; but if they stop encouraging you then you won't have this excuse any more. You don't have to hitch up with anyone, or drink more alcohol than you want.

Give it some thought, maybe consider giving it a try for a few times. But don't rely on it for anything other than a social evening, and don't put all your eggs in the one basket, find other ways to meet folk, that you are more comfortable with.