What is it that I feel?

[Lov3shy]

I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend and have been for a month today. The distance isn't much, it's only about 120 miles, and the last time I saw him was when we became official, a month ago today. He is a transman (female-to-male, still biologically a girl (he's pre-hormones) but identifies as a gay man. I am a cisgender gay man, I was born and identify as a guy - a biological guy).

I've always been a little sceptical of the idea of a long distance relationship but I liked this guy a lot and felt something special for him. The fact that he's a transman shouldn't bother me as it's about them as a person and not what's between their legs but, I must admit, there is a thought in the back of my mind that says this cannot work, both due to distance and because he's a transman.

Recently, the thought of my boyfriend doesn't give me that same spark, it's just a dull feeling and I worry that I don't love him as much as he deserves. I'm not sure if it's because I'm used to him not being here, being a month since I last saw him (even if we talk daily by text and at least once a week on webcam on Skype), but I'm just not sure. Am I just over-thinking this? Is this natural for a long distance relationship? When I do go on cam with him, I do feel more of an intense feeling and I'm sure that'll be the case when I next see him in person (when I met with him last month, I really enjoyed the time with him).

So, yes, what do I feel? What should I do?

Thanks in advance.

[China Doll]

No one can tell you how you feel nor what you should do as what you should do depends on what you feel!

Write a pros and cons list.

[redcrx]

is it because the novelty has worn off?

i dont see why any of the details of what and who you or he is, but you seem to put a lot of emphasis on them every time you post

[Lov3shy]

Hmm that's true, maybe I should write a pros and cons list.

I never thought of it as a novelty, nor do I even think of it as that. The details about him and I are there because I'm not sure if I'm really okay with it all, I'm just confused to put it short.

[rockyracoon]

As the others have said, you can only feel the way you feel, it maybe because deep down you're uncomfortable with the transgender business, theres no shame in that, (although, i have no idea what cisgender means), or he is just not right for you and it's starting to show, not all relationship end up long term. Good luck. RR

[jackthehat]

You sound distinctly un-OK with it, if I'm honest.

I think you need to sit down and really think about this whole situation......not least because your boyfriend deserves to have a partner who is 'completely' at ease with his situation and understanding with what the future will entail for him.

Do you truly, hand on heart, believe that you will be able to be fully supportive during the next transitional stages?

[Lov3shy]

That's very true and it hurts because he is a great guy, he has everything that I would want but maybe I'm not okay with him being transgender, even if I want to be there for him - I support him but then I don't know if I will be able to handle it all, especially, as said, with his transition process approaching. I guess I'll have to weigh the pros and cons, as said, and use that as a basis to think about whether I can really handle this.

[jackthehat]

If you can't, it is no reflection on you.

But you owe it to him to let him find someone who can..........and to yourself to find someone with whom you are at complete ease.

Good luck.

:o)

[Old_Geezer]

Analysing how you feel is all very well and good. But I can't help thinking that whatever the cause, what you feel is what you feel, and you need to base any decision you make on that; rather than explain your feelings away and ignore them. Ignoring stuff like that rarely turns out well.

I'm unsure the long distance is much of a factor. I have a long distance relationship with my partner, it's worked well for many years.

Meeting once a month sounds to be rather large gaps to me. Especially since seeing each other on a web cam tends to change your feelings. These long durations between meeting up may not be helping. In any case you two need to talk it over and express what is going on, and decide if you need to make changes or whether you are happy seeing how things pan out.

[Lov3shy]

Old_Geezer, I completely agree with you. I am very open about my feelings for him and he is aware that I've been thinking this thing through (although I can't help thinking that I should be less open because I don't want to hurt his feelings). I really wish we could meet more but I have college to contend with, as does he. We do, however, plan on meeting next month for a Christmas party/sleepover, which I am looking forward to.

After some research, I've noticed that a lot of couples in a long distance relationship feel a numb feeling every once in a while due to them being used to their lover not being around.

I've decided that I will see how the next meet-up goes and how I feel then, I don't want to lose him.
Thank you everyone, what you've all said has been very helpful.