Optimistic or a Realist

[pips1]

I am a positive person by nature and always try and count my blessings. However, even though I congratulate everyone who announces their engagement and/or marriage, and genuinely wish them all the happiness in the world, my experience is that a relationship can end as quickly as it takes to open a door and walk out! This happened to me years ago and to endless of my friends since! One minute you are happy to be alive and the next they walk out and because they have officially 'left you' they are free to do whatever they like with whoever, I don't think there is a hurt quite like it to be honest, but still try to be happy for people and not appear bitter. Am I too optimistic that things will change, I know a lot of people are happy but there seems to be an awful lot of us who are single now and lonely :(

[China Doll]

I wouldn't say you're either. I would say your experiences have left you feeling quite negative. Negativity will rarely help you on your way to happiness in relationships or in general.

[ummmm]

I think that sounds quite negative.

[tinkerbell23]

You sound very like me pips....Everyone always says one day when u least expect it blabla.....but its true!!!! I am single and have been for 3yrs but everyime i feel down or sad i think how lucky i am...anytime i meet someone or go on a date i try not to hold back- but i also do hold back enough to not come on strong...and then i think about things too much!!! Lol...terrified of getting hurt cos i dont think ill be able to pick myself up again!!! Im trying not to think as much ...its hard xx

[islasmum]

I think that it's great that you have a positive attitude on life, and wish that more people felt this way as well - my OH said a very true thing the other day - I was moaning about being broke at present, and he said that we are only poor financially, we are rich in many other ways! He is also an optimist!
There are some people out there that have generally *** lives, and the more fortunate of us should appreciate how lucky we really are.

[pips1]

Sorry, yes, re-reading it I suppose it does sound negative, but I really do genuinely want to be happy for people starting out together.

[Sqad]

\\\but there seems to be an awful lot of us who are single now and lonely :(\\\

Exactly...."small" price to pay for women's lib?

It would seem that in previous generstions one's infidelity (usually the male's) was excepted as a symptom of human weakness and one just "got on" with the relationship. Now, however this attitude has changed and it is now a matter of "one mistake" and that's it..........

So: \\ there seems to be an awful lot of us who are single now and lonely :(\\\

[jackthehat]

Yes, in the olden days when women were perceived of little more than chattels, eyes 'were' blindly turned. If must have kept marriages together which was a bonus for him and, most likely, crushing humiliation for her!

Thank God women can now walk-away from such out-dated attitudes.

[jackthehat]

*as little more, etc

[cazzz1975]

there are also a lot of unhappily marrieds who would rather fester in a relationship where they barely acknowledge each other and live resentful and unfulfilling lives rather than sum up the will to strike out alone, it can be a more isolating experience than being single.

[madmaggot]

My opinion is that relationships today are taken up rather too quickly and tend to be based on attraction over friendship. It is a fact that sexual attraction, the 'in love' stage passes for most couples in about 2 years; with no underlying friendship it is easy to just latch onto the next sexually attractive person that happens along.
The knowledge that 'love' is different from the state of 'being in love' comes hopefully with maturity and experience.

[pips1]

I agree sqad, I never had time for/or wanted women's lib, I would love to have had my mum's life, an old-fashioned stay at home wife who looked after the children, but we could never afford it, I worked so hard to do both and you can never get that time back.

[Nibble]

Real-optimist if that's possible nowadays

[mccfluff]

im single but i'm not unhappy or lonely

i like it a nd when the fatty nob is working away i postively relish having the house back, can;t wait for him to find his own place

[ladybirder]

Agree Cazz. They stay festering until one of them dies or one of them falls in love with somebody else and then they do something about it.

[pips1]

I don't think I worded this very well, I am happy and have lots of friends and a good life, I just really loved my ex and miss him even after many years.

[ummmm]

Have you not been in a relationship since?

[pips1]

No ummmm not really, had a few opportunities but I don't think I gave them a fair chance. The saddest part is that my ex really isn't worth all this but you can't help who you fall in love with. I have 2 lovely grown up children and they are my world.

[ummmm]

:-(

Not too late though...

[pips1]

Thanks ummmm, over in Chatterbank there is a post about birthdays, on my 60th I filled a pub full of people for a great party and my son played guitar and sang and my daughter organised it all, so I have a lot to be thankful for, even if that one special person has gone.

[Sqad]

"Outdated attitudes?"...........i was just giving my opinion re. the question:


\\ there seems to be an awful lot of us who are single now and lonely :(\\\

I wasn't saying which attitude was the better..................sore point?