Do Looks Matter?

[EvianBaby]

Watching The Undateables last night and it got me thinking.

There was one guy on there who suffered from a condition that resulted in huge tumours, mostly on his face and neck and was left severely disfigured as a result of the tumours and over 100 surgeries. He was in his late 30's and had never been on a date, never mind have a relationship but he seemed like a nice enough bloke.

Obviously physical attraction is what usually draws you to someone in the first instance but could you get past how someone looks if they have the right personality or is someones appearance a deal breaker?

[mccfluff]

they have to have something that attracts you to them, so yes they do but perhaps not in the sense you mean

[mike11111]

I think that with the best will in the world, extreme physical deformity is a put-off.

[EvianBaby]

Ok, I'll rephrase it slightly. Could you go out with someone who was so disfigured? Or really ugly? Or really tall/short? Or overly fat/thin?

[emmie]

it shouldn't but does, that is a sad fact of life. I haven't watched the programme, but have seen the trailer, they all seem nice people, but if you forgive me, many ordinary people have trouble trying to find a partner, it must be doubly so for people with these sort of problems.
I know a a nice guy who has boils over his whole face, he is a genuinely likeable bloke, but would i date him if he asked, the answer would have to be no. Does that make me shallow, or just a realist.

[Booldawg]

what if you were married to someone and they let themselves go to the point of you not finding them physically attractive anymore? Is that a deal breaker? Would you split up with someone even if you had kids, were married etc if they did nothing about it?

[cazzz1975]

some relationships spark up after getting to know a person for a while, during this time the physical traits that may appear off putting become less noticiable the longer the friendship blossoms.

[EvianBaby]

Interesting point Boowl. Maybe not quite the same but there was also a girl on the programme who was once leading a perfectly normal life then got some condition (not sure what) that put her in a wheel chair and her partner of 10 years left her.

I have to be honest and think I would find it quite hard to look past someones exterior. I suppose that is a little shallow and maybe I'd change my mind if I were in that situation but I just couldn't see myself being with someone I wasn't physically attracted to.

[HowardKennitby]

I think the physical thing is a basic assessment of people as possible mates and judging what sort of mother/father they would be and what the children would look like. It is hard to look past this instinctive reaction.

[mccfluff]

i get attracted to weird things so i'm backing out of this one

[B00]

"someones appearance a deal breaker? " Yeah, to an extent.

[mccfluff]

and that is NOT as bad as it sounds

[ChuckFickens]

"Or really tall/short? Or overly fat/thin?"

What's wrong with tall and thin :(

[EvianBaby]

I really think you're gona have to explain that now Fluff!

[Brenden]

Looks are the first thing that attracts us to another person - knowing their character and personality comes with time.

[EvianBaby]

Don't ask me Chuck, I'm short and fat.

[rowanwitch]

I always thought I was outside the realm of dateability....

[mccfluff]

no

*shuffles off looking embarrassed*

[Old_Geezer]

Evolution is an amazing system. If you are unfortunate enough not to have what it takes to find a partner then you are less likely to have offspring and give individuals in the next generation the same problem your had. It's a less dramatic example of a genetic issue that results in death before reaching mating age. Nature can be cruel to the individual, but that is what keeps the species able to get the best out of the environment.

Major problems with appearance is certainly going to be a deal breaker for romantic attachment. It is natural that it would, no point beating yourself up on feeling that way.

[Frank97]

Aren't we all subconsciously looking for the best specimen to be the mother/father of our children so anyone with such disfigurements is bound to send up a red flag. I know it shouldn't but it does.

[EvianBaby]

Brendan - what I meant was, even after you really get to know someone could you get past how they look if it wasn't what you considered attractive?