Marriage troubles

[daddylonglegs]

I need some advice. I'm in my early 30s and have been with my husband for 16 years. We have three children together. My husband does not respect me as he carries on doing things that he knows I have issues with. Porn, always looking at different women and some years ago he spied on my younger sister whilst she was getting dressed and also sexually asssulted her ( he groped her chest but she never went to the police) and through all of this I still stuck by him. Husband never surprises me, hes never interested in what I say anymore hes either watching films, playing the computer or out golfing, snooker, and football with his mates. Every time he gets caught with the porn we have an argument, he says hes sorry he loves me blah blah blah everything's good for a few months and then it all happens again. Yes I know its my fault as im constantly saying this is your last chance then of course he does it again and then again I take him back. Im a stupid mug with no self-esteem because of this but our kids absolutely dote on him and despite his faults hes a really good dad. Has anyone been through something similar, what did you do? Did you stay or leave? Surely if he really loved me he wouldn't keep doing what he does as he knows it upsets me. I feel physically sick at the moment as I feel like i'm married to a perverted creep. I know that some men look at porn im not stupid but its just something that im really against and he knows it.

[Kiki-frog]

ditto barmaid. But daddylonglegs has not been back. Maybe we'll never know. But I still maintain that statistics about how many blokes enjoy porn is nit-picking and irrelevant. The point is that this lady is unhappy in her marriage and that's the fact she needs to address.

[joeluke]

What is wrong with a normal healthy sex life AND liking porn?

Nowt

[DTCwordfan]

absolutely kiki....

whats wrong with a bit of porn - can get us both in the mood, film or written......the issue here is the lack of interest that she perceives and that she becoming a doormat.

The sister is even camouflage for if she really had felt that strong about it, she would have left him back then.......

She needs to sit down with him and talk - perhaps a weekend away together and without the kids interfering, neutral ground and all that.

[wolf63]

I think that by now (2012) we all know that men's brains and women's are different. Men are turned on by images - women are a bit more complex.

[Prudie]

The crux of the matter is OP has an issue with porn, her husband knows it and isn't willing to sort it out - either by stopping or getting her to join in. Agreed it's quite acceptable and fun to many of both sexes these days but like anything sex related it's only fun if you enjoy partaking. Not doing so does not make you uptight and abnormal or deserved of being mistreated by a partner.

[andres]

Joeluke..-----Depends whether you think sexual domination,abuse and degradation of women by men is ''normal''. If you need this kind of stimulation then porn is wrong . I always thought that a normal sexual relationship had love and respect !!

[Kiki-frog]

andres, maybe a definition of porn would be useful here. Are we talking erotica, to be enjoyed by both partners, or are we talking about exploitative and manipulative porn? They are two different things. Maybe another question is in order here. But until daddylonglegs comes back, we've no way of knowing what we are discussing. I hope she comes back.

[tonyav]

Now then, now then guys and gals.

[Kiki-frog]

Jimmy Savile still lives!

[tonyav]

Just warming up for the disco, starts at half seven don't forget !

[andres]

I hope she comes back--Kiki-frog. I think daddylonglegs is talking about hard core porn. Can't see her getting too upset if it is erotica (sexual love).

[Kiki-frog]

Still a prisoner, Tony. All I did was go to that nice kindly old village doctor about my dodgy back, and he said, 'Ibuprofen, 600mg, and monitor - that's what you need, me gal. And then it all went fuzzy, and I woke up in a lap dancing club, where I've been held prisoner ever since.

daddylonglegs, if you read this, I do apologise. Please do come back and tell us how you are.

[Kiki-frog]

andres, I hope you are wrong. But you may be right. I hope not.

[tonyav]

Don't worry Kinky Kiki, DT and myself will come and rescue you.

[Sqad]

andres

\\\\\-Depends whether you think sexual domination,abuse and degradation of women by men is ''normal''\\\

It depends upon one's definition of "normal"........I have 2 definitions...one is that if it is acceptable and pleasurable to both parties, then it is NORMAL.
The other definition is a rather more scientific one.....it the majority of individuals partake, then it is the norm....NORMAL.

Many women enjoy sexual domination, some indeed demand it....is that normal? Yes by my first definition....both parties enjoy it. BUT by my second definition.....I cannot say.....but i think that the number admitting to this would indeed surprise one.

[Kiki-frog]

Tony, that's what I'm worried about.

[tonyav]

LOL @ Kiki.

[Kiki-frog]

Sqad (please disregard earlier post to tonyav), that's the point. There's a vast difference between consensual and non-consensual. Playing games is all very well as long as both parties are just playing. But the waters can get very muddied.

Personally I'm a little bit anxious about this lady and what's happening, but as to whether she replies, well, that's up to her. I just hope she's OK.

[petal54]

what could you do to 'make'him take note that you are a great person

[DTCwordfan]

I'm on my way, kiki, now where's the chauffeur ofr the Roller when you need him?

And don't forget the "manual"

You could have consulted sqad and he would have said the same re the Ibuprofen and monitor...