narcassist or not?

[peason77]

hi peeps, I've been dumped again by my chap (3rd time)after going on a weeks holiday with him. My friends are all disgusted by his behaviour and reckon he's a narcassist. If i explain some of his behaviour what do you guys think?
He was always full of himself
he never really listened to me
he blew hot and cold on me
he said he loved me then binned me
he was always bragging about his achievements (owns his own business)
he got stressed easily and made false promises
if i criticized him he went mad at me
he was jealous and insecure of me
he spoke over me
these are just a few of the things i noted as time went on. Yes i was stupid to take him back the 2nd time. This time he dumped me saying he decided he didn't want any more children and he knew i did, but i think that was an excuse. I think he was angry at me because i stood up for myself. I criticized his relationship with his ex (mother of his children) there is no love lost between him and his ex wife, and he was constantly criticizing my ex husband as a father, yet when the tables were turned he blew!! He then came to my little girls party, spoke with my family and my ex husband for a long time, was loving towards me, then the next day he came around to my house saying its over. I heard on the grapevine he'd told someone we didnt get on on holiday, which was a lie. (his kids were the problem!)so i text him to say i heard what you said, thanks a fkn lot! he then rang me 13 times texting me etc to rectify the situation. I just am a mess. Its been 3 weeks now, i definately don't want him back... i don't think he'll try to get me back either, but i feel emotionally abused. Have i been? or am i just too sensitive, and i accept this is the way i deserve to be treated? I've been going no contact with him. thankyou

[ummmm]

//and i accept this is the way i deserve to be treated?//

What?

Sounds a bit of both. He's a bit of a narcissist and you're a bit of a doormat.

[woofgang]

What Umm said. If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.

[peason77]

yup, doormat sounds about right. thanks ummmm x

[B00]

After the list of his "qualities" I can only hope he was rich and or well endowed, as he sounded like he had bugger all going for him.

Best of without!

[ummmm]

Learn by your mistakes and toughen up.

[nannybooby]

Buy a copy of Taylor Swift singing Ever and mail it to the plonker.

[andy-hughes]

Yes you have been mentally abused.

Right now, you are probably feeling hurt, angry, lost, and foolish in equal measure, switching from one to another at bewlidering speed.

To anchor yourself, tell yourself that this man was a control freak with serious issues about commitment, and basic mature behaviour.

Look in the mirror and tell your reflection that you are a good person, and this has happened because of him, and you are not to blame.

Slowly, you will learn to rely on yourself, which will prevent this from happening again, but this will take time.

It's the weekend - get some girlfriends together, go out and have a good time, and put this on one side.

You will get over this - promise.

[Backdrifter]

Not sure he's a narcissist, maybe a solipcist, but it doesn't really matter as he is definitely unpleasant, whatever name you give it. Ultimately it's up to you but you shouldn't be tempted to get back with him as he sounds insensitive, destructive and self-centred.

[peason77]

Thank you andy (and the rest of you guys) I'm going to print off your response to my question and keep looking at it. you are a very kind and intelligent man. thank you

[peason77]

Because i feel used and hurt, i keep wanting him to want me back for me to say no thanks! I guess i feel like a toy that he is fed up of playing with. My mum says looking for revenge is a very female thing, but i can't help feeling that i want MY day to come.

[ummmm]

If he is a narcissist then keep in mind that he won't change. They always think they are right and will twist the truth to make them right.

[woofgang]

the best revenge is to live happily with someone else

[peason77]

you're all completely right. I am a doormat. I guess i know that deep down and i'm extremely ashamed of myself for 'putting up' with his behaviour. My husband left me shortly after giving birth, then 3 years later i met a man who controlled me, he dumped me every 4 months or so and i stupidly took him back, he even left me close to a nervous breakdown. Then i met this man, who at first was perfect! he took me out, bought me gifts, showered me with compliments, told me he'd look after me, he had his own property and business, he told me he would like another child with me (my dream is to have another child)he wanted to look after me and my girl etc and i honestly thought i'd finally struck gold. I think i crave security. Every bloke ive been with (theres only 3, im not a s**t)has left me and i'm now close to the conclusion it must be me. Although i can't see why it would be. Im honest, kind, faithful and i wouldnt dream of hurting anyone. I'm a nurse, i just want to care! I seriously am of the belief i may need some sort of therapy, just to boost my self esteem. Funny thing is, each one of these guys who dump me, have always tried to come back. Even this last one dumped me twice then he wooed me and i was back. I doubt he'll try again. I was supposed to go away with him this weekend. He has still gone, but i'm going to see my girlfriends and keep busy. Thank you all for taking the time to reply. My head is in a little bit of a mess at the mo and i just need some advice.

[ummmm]

It's not you. It's the type of man you go for. 3 men have treated you badly so next time don't ignore the signs. As soon as they display behaviour that you find unacceptable then pull them up. People (not all) will treat you how you allow them to.

[grffindoor2011]

I would continue going no contact with him. He sounds like the type who after everything dies down will be back on your doorstep with flowers begging forgiveness. Seen it happen many times.

I would print the question you asked and refer to the list in the future. If any future partner breaches three things, get rid. That way you shouldn't find yourself in the same position.

It seems you knew how he was treating you, I wouldn't say you were being a doormat, more a loving caring person who tried to see the best in him and didn't want to lose him.

[peason77]

Thanks so much people, you are right. Funnily enough I guess I knew all along I was being mistreated, at first I didn't confront him because I was scared of losing him but then it changed into a fear of being slightly frightened of his anger. I am going to print off this question, and keep it in my handbag. It's just what I need to hear, especially in my low moments. I dont talk to anyone about my emotions, theres a running joke that I have no luck with men. So speaking to you all on here helps. Im very appreciative to you all. X

[bubbly2000]

People treat us the way we allow them to..period..

[jan01]

Peason, give yourself time to "regroup" ... be kind to yourself & you will grow stronger & hopefully recognise the warning signals in the future.....learn to lovce & respect yourself a little more ... all the best :)