No. Sexual Partners

[jd_1984]

I personally dont care to know or divulge this information. But a friend of mine says his girlfriend is very curious and wants to know how many partners he has had previous to her. They are in the very early stages of their relationship (7-8 weeks) but she has not wanted to have sex until to quote "she is totally comfortable with him". I think that is fair comment and perhaps more young lady's should be that way, not that I judge. Part of her feeling comfortable and trusting him is clearly knowing details about his past. But I disagree with him having to give her intimate information, she should just trust him and look ahead to spending time together and not get concerned with previous lovers/relationships.
I happen know, as we are close friends that his "number" is relatively high. He worked abroad for a number of years, then went in to the Navy and has racked up a fair list! But that information might push this girl away, she seems a touch insecure, wanting assurances from him that he hasnt "slept around"

Although I dont condone lying as such, my advice was to lessen the number and move forward. But does this show a potentially bigger insecurity issue for such an early relationship. What do you lot think??
Firstly does it matter and secondly what should he say?

[anneasquith]

'' number is relatively high '' how high ? :)

[mrs_overall]

If he thinks about how many he slept with and how many he had sex with (without staying the night), that might reduce the number.
Other than that, I think he should be economical with the truth. She might run a mile if she thinks he is a tart

[boxtops]

How old are this couple? This sort of data seems more significant to the young. When OH and I met up (having several decades under our belt) we weren't even remotely curious about what had gone before - all that mattered was that we found each other, and we're living in the now not the past.

This girl maybe feels insecure in that if he's had a lot of partners, she might feel he'll flit off to the next one if things get sticky. I wouldn't give a number if I was this chap - just say he'd had a few flings when he was in the Navy, but that was then and things have changed. IMO.

[frugalfred]

Gentlemen do not reveal such things.

[Sqad]

\\\\Although I dont condone lying as such, my advice was to lessen the number and move forward.\\\

Agreed....she clearly wants to know that she is "special"......lie to her.

\\\ But does this show a potentially bigger insecurity issue for such an early relationship.\\\

Yes......a worrying fact.

\\\Firstly does it matter \\\

To her it does.....so lie.

Your advice is sound jd.

[ummmm]

We've never asked each other that question. If he asked me I'd tell him it was none of his business. He wouldn't ask though, he has an idea because we've known each other so long.

[Baldric]

My OH and I got together in our 30's, that is something we have never asked one another!

[aelmpvw]

i'm always puzzled when people say they've slept with hundreds of people and give a specific number. Do they keep a spreadsheet?

[ummmm]

I think a lot of people that give a specific number are exaggerating.

[jd_1984]

They are 28 (him) and 24 (her).
anne, he has slept with around 60 women including 5 serious relationships and the rest not so serious!!
I personally have never asked as it shouldnt be a factor in how much you like/trust somebody. If the number is high that doesnt mean that they dont love you and wont settle with you but it may stick in your head and thats not healthy

[mrs_overall]

It is something I have never asked - what does it matter?

[rockyracoon]

I don't get the fascination that me people have with this, no matter what the number she's not going to be happy, if it's too low, she'll think he was with someone a long time and so may have a lot to live up to, if it's too high she won't like that either. Personally I'd tell her it's none of her business, I'd certainly say that to my OH if he asked me.

[Sqad]

\\ he has slept with around 60 women including 5 serious relationships and the rest not so serious!! \\

Tell him to tell her that..LOL.....LOL.....LOL

[Ann]

//Gentlemen do not reveal such things//
I think a lot of men love to do this - remember Bill Roache, the actor who plays Ken Barlow in Coronation Street, he was proud to announce to the world his total was well over 1000. I'm sure his relationship with weathergirl the lovely Emma Jessson could have suffered because of this revelation to all and sundry! Did we ever need to know?

[gness]

I can't see why knowledge of previous sexual partners is important other than for health reasons, but I could be wrong.
How would you decide what is an acceptable number?
Surely making sure you're so good together that you're the last is what matters.
Lies? I can deal with the truth...lies I wouldn't be happy with.

[evedawn]

I wouldn't ask and I wouldn't care how many previous there are. What matters is "now". Also from a sexual health point of view it only takes sleeping with one person to get an STD. My brother has a friend who is HIV + after only TWO partners (all heterosexual) so anything Is possible.

[boxtops]

If he keeps being mysterious about it, she'll only get more agitated.

Perhaps he could tell her that he's had 5 long-term relationships, and just a handful of silly flings in between relationships? He can always tell her he didn't keep count, he didn't think anyone would ever ask. Unless he's got them all tattooed on his leg, of course....

[Ann]

Maybe she just wants to know how experienced he is ;)

[MissCommando]

So she wants to know his number? If I were him, he should just say he used to be a jack the lad and that he's really not sure on his number.

I must admit though, it would put me off if I thought my partner had been putting it about that much!

God, I asked my husband his number - it would drive me crazy not knowing. Of course, he could have lied to me but he had no reason to. I wanted to know a little bit more than just the numbers too, I'm a bit of a sicko lol.

[anneasquith]

he has '' slept'' with 60 women. id suggest he goes to a GUM clinic before they embark on a sexual relationship.