Has Anyone Gone Back To Their Husbands Prior To Imminent Divorce Proceedings?

[themorrigan]

Did it work out? Was it a disaster?

OH and I are in the process of Divorce proceedings initiated by me. There is no 3rd party involved on either side, no violence or bullying, we are divorcing for various reasons not needed to go into on here. I have not spoken to him for around 6 weeks but we both got a huge shock last wk end when we found out his best mate had been found dead at home aged 45. We both have had to meet up to help family out as he was divorced and his two kids aged 19 and 21 were/are trying to sort stuff out. While we were together sorting stuff I just got this gut feeling we were doing the wrong thing divorcing but said nothing. He did however say we were both making a huge mistake and could work things out. I just don't know as I've heard this a 1000 times over the last 15 years. His friend was suffering from an alcohol related dementia -Korsakoffs think its called -although they think he died from natural causes due to drink. This has been a huge wakeup call to OH but we've been really talking over the last few days and I feel I've got the man back I married. Any advice please?

[pixie373]

There are obviously reasons why you got to the place where you wanted a divorce. But there is nothing forcing you to go ahead with it. You've pulled together in a crisis, which is a good thing, but day-to-day living together might be a different situation. I think you both need a good talk and to work out what was going wrong before. There is no harm in putting off the divorce if you both feel you should be together and see how it goes.
good luck!

[themorrigan]

Thanks for the reply Pixie. x

[pizza]

themorrigan I'm of the same view of pixie and like you like said it's only early days with the wake up call.
I would certainly suggest you take things slowly and think about your various reasons for wanting a divorce in the first place.
Like you said at the moment you feel you have got the man you married back which is fantastic and even better if he stays this way.
Like you also mentioned he has said things could get worked out 1000 times over your years together, by all means support him now and if he goes back to the old ways then you have got to look at how you want your life to be !!
The death of a young man in his mid forties shows you life can be gone in an instant that's why we have to live it in a way to make us happy.
My thoughts are with you and your family and the relatives of the deceased.

[craft1948]

Think of the reasons you are getting divorced and ask yourself if they have changed. Nothing to do with exterior events.

[anaxcrosswords]

If I had a pound for every time I've finished a relationship for the wrong reason I... well I wouldn't be a rich man; I'd be about £4 better off... but I hope you see what I mean. Divorce is a big and often messy thing. If, in your heart, you believe there's a reason to avoid divorce and to work things out, then go that way. Maybe, ultimately, it may end. Just don't end it if there's a part of you that thinks such an end would be premature.

[Carakeel]

Give yourselves a chance if this is how you both feel. The whole process of divorcing and dealing with lawyers / solicitors etc. can, and in most cases does damage or kill off any remaining friendship, respect and love a couple may have had. If you have found that the man you married is in fact still there and just needed a wake up call, my advice would be not to throw the chance of happiness with him away. Talk to him and listen to him and make sure he does the same for you. Be gentle with each other and try to remember what made your relationship so special. I hope you will both heal and be happy together. Best wishes.

[themorrigan]

Thank you very much for the good advice it is much appreciated. We have a lot to think about. One (not the only one) reason for divorce was OH's drinking -he did not seem to think it was a problem and we had huge arguments about how much he drank and where it would lead. Now he's realised that his best friend had a problem that he couldn't even admit to OH, well he didn't admit to himself either. OH has said he will go for counselling, but I've heard that before too, he went for two sessions for anger management and said the guy didn't know what he was talking about and wouldn't go back. I've suggested we put the Divorce on hold with no promises and start slowly but I'm not having him back in the family home yet. He is in a Flat we rent out and can stay there until he proves he means business. HE can visit me lol! he's a good looking guy and really nice , kind and loving until the booze gets to him. I hope he can sort this out , only he can do that. When he sees his best mate in a coffin next week -just a month after they were having a laugh at the Superbikes in Donnington -well hopefully he understands that he might end up that way. Sorry for rambling on, but thanks again for your support. x