Long Distance Relationship

[Sceptre]

My daughter has had a long distance relationship with a lovely man. They have been together for 5 years. At last the time is finally right for them to move in together. She is quite happy to move 300 miles away from home and get a job in his neck of the woods and start their lives properly, together.

He has suddenly announced that he is thinking about moving in with a "gay" friend of his and has asked her to get a flat of her own so that they could see each other regularly. He says he is worried that they might "not get on" if they lived together.

They are both really happy when they go away on holidays together and love each other.

She is feeling like she's had a kick in the teeth and that after 5 years, they know each other well enough and love each other enough now to make this commitment. She is coming up to 30 years of age and he is 29.

Do you think she should call it a day, or let her life waffle on and quite possibly waste more years of her life?

[Sceptre]

Quite, ummmm. Having known him for 5 years myself, he's definitely Not gay.

[joggerjayne]

Breaking up, moving on, etc ...

It's never easy.

Okay, that's not quite true. Sometimes it's REALLY easy.

But, on the whole, people settle down again, and start to wonder why they didn't break up sooner.

[grasscarp]

I wouldnt go. I hope your daughter realises that this man does not want the relationship to go beyond what it has been for 5 years. To move up there will end in tears I think.

[Sqad]

Sceptre........I give in. What has happened to "boy sees girl, boy fancies girl, girl fancies boy, they kiss, walk thro the fields hand in hand, fall in love and eventually marry? They then have children who are loved, grow up and they have children.

OK...that doesn't help i know.

Your daughter is 29 and whatever you OR the invincible AB say, she will do what she wants to do.

[Sceptre]

I'm tending to agree with you, grasscarp. It's very sad for her.

[KristalB]

I agree Ummmmm, but why move in with a mate for financial reasons when his GF wants to move in with him? I think he's been having his cake and eating it -from both sides of the plate.

[KristalB]

Sceptre, with all due respect you cannot tell from appearance or even socialising with them if a man is Gay or Bi-sexual and chooses to hide the fact.

[Sceptre]

My thoughts exactly Sqad. In our day, you Had to make a commitment and get married if that's what you wanted out of life. She has always thought that by the time she was 30, she would have found someone she loved and who loved her, be married and looking forward to having children together.

[grasscarp]

I ended a 7 year relationship with the most unsuitable man on the planet. I cried on the drive home from London on the day I realised it was over. It was Christmas Eve. On Boxing Day I met the man who became my husband and has lasted 39 years. For sure she will meet somebody else.

[Old_Geezer]

I think it depends on what your daughter wants. I say this because I'm in a committed long distance relationship and it suits both my woman and I. However your daughter's age suggests she is less likely to want her own space; and this change of plan out of the blue does not bode well. She and her boyfriend need to talk and work out where they are heading: if anywhere. If they can not agree on a path that suits both then maybe each needs to consider what the best option is for them.

[joggerjayne]

29 is not old these days.

[Sqad]

O_G

\\\\\ I say this because I'm in a committed long distance relationship and it suits both my woman and I.\\\

You old devil you ;-)........you have gone EVEN higher up in my estimation......

[albaqwerty]

not that it's really important in the grand scheme of things, who brought up the subject of her moving and living together?
If it was the daughter, then I think he's quite happy with the way things were and is feeling pressured into something he's not ready for.

[Sceptre]

Fair point, alba. They have always talked about it, but lack of funds have kept them apart until now. He has just qualified and has started a good job and so with her earning capacity too, they can both afford a decent place to live.

[albaqwerty]

He's just qualified, so presumably there's student loans or whatever which need to be repaid?
I don't think he's scared of the living together, it's the financial situation which is scaring him and doesn't want to let her down if he can't come up with money for the rent/bills etc.

[nannybooby]

isn't it possible for her to pay him a visit so that they can get the situation clear and she can make an informed decision.

[Sqad]

Sceptre....been thinkin.....perhaps some of my replies were hasty, insensitive and ill conceived based on my prejudices.

You handled me well with an understanding born of experience.

She will do whatever she decides.

[woofgang]

sqad.....you feeling okay??????? sqad???????

[Sceptre]

Why thank you, kind sir.

[KristalB]

alba says: ''I don't think he's scared of the living together, it's the financial situation which is scaring him and doesn't want to let her down if he can't come up with money for the rent/bills etc.''

But the BF is quite happy to let her come down to live in her own flat near to him? It just doesn't make sense....