Some advice please?

[destiny26]

I have just found my partners profile on a dating site saying 'looking for a long term relationship and a discreet relationship' which is easy at the moment as he is abroad until december. he has registered at the place where he is temporarily residing. I know he has been on dating sites before as he has always been open about it and i never had any reason to distrust before now. we have been together 10 years and have children together. its not the issue of looking at dating sites its the issue of long term and discreet that bothers me. what should i do? any advice would be good thank you

[HAnn521]

Oh my goodness destiny! This is horrible news for you, and for me to hear it makes me feel for you! I would be terribly upset with my partner, especially one of ten years who was the father of my children...I guess it really depends on what your relationship is like with this man...are you two trying to be exclusive? and by partner, do you mean you are not actually married?

Simply put, I don't think that regardless of how much you both already share, I could stand to be with someon who asks for another relationship with someone else behind my back. I have never been cheated on and I intend to never be cheated on...because I'd like to think that we all deserve better than that! (and that includes you)...I think you should confront him about this, it's serious...and it would be better to bring it up now, than trying to fix things after he's gotten a reply to his dating "request" and hooked up with someone else!

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this...I am sure you deserve a loyal & loving partner!

[Suzysue]

I agree, you should confront him and demand to know what's going on... You're well in your rights! There may be a logical explaination - but either way you need to know for your own peace of mind... There is always the other option (which I wouldn't recommend but its an option), and that would be to test him and pretend you're someone interested in his profile and see his reaction, but its up to you... Why not play him at his own game?? But you gotta do whatever feels right...   

[Sammy Snake]

I can't comment on the state of your relationship but if I had been with a bloke for 10 years and I discovered that he had been on dating sites then we wouldn't make it to the 11th year.

Whether he had been honest or not - why would you want to be with a bloke that openly offers 'himself' tp other women???  Dump him!!

How can you not distrust someone that you know has been advertising for other women?

[Kay]

Destiny, I feel for you. Why not play him at his own game? Reply to your so called partner and tell him he already has a long term relationship!!!!!!!

[mullein1]

i would do as the last post said answer his advert..then confront the issue ..why does he need to go on dating sites if he has you and a family?? you are worth more than that if it was me i would tell him to sling his hook..as i wouldnt want anyone who was registering on dating sites as that shows he has no commitment to you and you are sat their like someone who thinks they have a partner while he is searching for dates i suppose the discreet is so you dont know!! well you dont have to put up with this situation knock it on the head..

[Mistopheles]

Destiny - whatever else you do, don't ignore this. It'll eat away at you and erode your self confidence. Whether you confront him, forgive him, or walk away, DO something - don't just pretend it hasn't happened. Good luck - I'll be thinking of you. Let us know how you get on, okay?

[Englishbird]

I'm a bit confused - are you saying that he's been on dating sites before while he's been with you? and that you don't mind? And what made you look on the dating site where you found him?  If you are saying that you have an 'open' relationship, and that you're ok with that (something i could never do) then in light of the 'long term relationship' bit, you need to ask him if he still wants a relationship with you at all.  Otherwise I'd register yourself on the dating site and start looking for a decent bloke.  I don't mean to sound harsh, it must have made you feel sick seeing that he'd written that.  But, and I say this to myself as much as you, we are only treated the way we allow ourselves to be treated.  If he's not man enough to treat you properly, move on and be happy x

[georgit79]

Dump the bast*rd. You deserve better, your kids deserve better. This is unacceptable and how on earth is he ever going to try and explain it?

[smudge]

If he's done this before & if it were me, I would move on.

Good luck destiny.

[penona]

I have to say, this doesn't sound good.

I for one cannot stay with someone that is not content with me, and is constantly looking for something else. I cannot understand your tolerance for him posting his profile on dating sites in the pass, do you guys have an open relationship? How would he like it if you had a profile on a dating site?

I knwo there is children involved, and I hate telling people to give up on marriages and relationships etc. However, if he is making you feel inadequate through his action, this is emotional abuse. Why stick with someone that makes you second best?

[destiny26]

In answer to some of the questions no we are not married and no we dont have an open relationship!thanks for all the advice, i do appreciate it. we have always got on really well and i am not aware of him actually registering on these sites before and hes never given me any reason to doubt him before. havent confronted him yet as i havent spoken to him since i found it but even if its innocent flirting the intention is there, dont know which hurts more!

[twiglet4frog]

why not sign up to the same site he signed to and set up afake profile of some nice lass living near where he is going to be residing, then start sending him emails as this fake person and find out from the horses mouth without him realising it is u what exactly the situation is, ask him how far he wants to go and what about a wife or girlfriend, does he love her or is this a secret affair he is wanting. Only way to find out what he is up to is to be the other woman he is looking for. When u have found out everything there is to know to convince u he is cheating on u then arrange everything for splitting up and only let him know when he pleads with u for a pic of your Fake self and at that point u can send him a lovely pic of you and your kids! pointing out that u dont think he is exactly what u were looking for on that site!!! Then dump him!

[mystress]

Hi destiny,

I am sorry I cannot give you a more positive answer,as I agree with all the above.After 10 years, and children together, this is NOT something he should be doing.I am afraid I agree that you have to have it out with him,or it may progress further into a situation you hate, and yet cannot do anything about. Just try and talk to him,and see just WHY he needs to do this!

Good Luck.

[butter1]

Hi destiny26, I'm sorry to hear about your situation.  I must admit I think Twiglet4frog's idea is brilliant and I think that's what I would do.  That way you can find out everything whereas if you confronted him about it he may lie about it and you will never know the truth.  Be behave...I hope things work out for you, I really do. x

[destiny26]

well i took the advice of twiglet4frog and ive found out exactly what hes up to! Thanks for all the advice again, i feel sicker than ever now but at least i know the truth and i have to move on for my childrens sake. Im now going to have a stiff drink and decide where to go from here

[mystress]

destiny,

You know where we(ALL) are if you need us.

We are thinking of you.

[destiny26]

thank you mystress.  i know what i have to do its just a case of getting myself into gear now and doing it. thank you for your support